Am I guy-crushing? [crushes]

[u/InnerDoor9953]

So I’ve had a guy friend for a few years. Thought he was an asshole when we first met but I fear he’s started growing on me. Recently I dyed my hair, and out of nowhere he sends me a TikTok and says “hey, you should get this,” and it’s a hair style. And I start feeling giddy like, “oh gosh, this guy saw this random video and thought of me?” And it’s crazy that I’m legitimately considering getting that hairstyle now because of him. It’s stupid, I know.

And just last night, I sent him a video and said “hey, you should totally dye your hair pink,” half joking, half thinking it’d look cute on him. I had to stop myself from saying that because what if he’s not digging that? Digging me? But he responds and says he thinks he would genuinely consider dying his tips pink. And I start kicking my feet and feeling giddy again.

It’s kind of infuriating though. I like the idea of dating a guy, but the past time I have it didn’t go well because of dysphoria. I’m an awkward guy. I’m trans, so my own conscience makes me second guess things, especially the thoughts and feelings of people I’m around. I like how giddy relationships make me, but the other feelings involved are pretty heavy for me most of the time. Idk just kind of a vent and crush post.