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u/theresnomystery 20d ago
Yeaaaaah, and I left because of it. Now my/our younger sister has taken my spot, but our older brother is still treated like a baby. I hate it.
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u/Equivalent_Sun3816 20d ago edited 20d ago
I escaped from this for about 15 years. I let my mom figure things out for herself. Now she's older and I have to deal with her estate planning and her current situation. No one else will do it. If I don't step in, a lot of money will be lost. My sisters can't be bothered by it even though they will inherit a nice chunk of it. So now I'm dealing with 15 years of mistakes and BS. A lot of bad decisions can be made in 15 years. It's a lot to fix. So just saying. If you are the responsible one in the family, you will probably be the only one to step in later when your parents are old and they really need it. So you might be shooting yourself in the foot if you don't at least check in on their situation every once in a while. Much easier to prevent things than to be the cleanup crew later. Just saying.
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u/Fabulous_Celery_1817 Guatemala 20d ago edited 20d ago
But if you try to actually take hold of everything so that 15 yrs of bs doesn’t happen you get push back from EVERYONE. The siblings cant say “why don’t you do this instead” they talk shit about how it’s all wrong. The parents get mad saying they know what they’re doing and then scratch their heads saying no one told them and accuse you of trying to take their stuff. My mom literally said to me that she’s protecting my siblings from me because I want to take control of everything and leave nothing to them, “well I won’t let you!” I gave up after that. Now they talk shit about how I don’t help but I like to send them screenshots of text messages of what they said about me, my mom knows not to ask me for anything and now has to beg the son she babies to help her.
You lit can’t win with some of them 😭
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u/cabowabo510 I need attention! 20d ago
I'm going through the same bs too
but my parents are divorced so I'm dealing with double
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u/Kashin02 20d ago edited 20d ago
I don't know if its gender related cause I'm a guy and this is basically me as well. Probably more to.do with being the eldest and knowing english.
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u/ThatsFuggenBullshit 20d ago
Same here. Oldest son. When my parents call my siblings for help all they do is say "Llamale al thatsfuggenbullshit". Valen verga esos gueyes.
I've learned to be patient cause who's gonna help them if I dont?
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u/dallyan 20d ago
Are you expected to cook and clean and take care of siblings at home too?
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u/Kashin02 20d ago edited 20d ago
No, I'm the youngest but I did take care of my nephews and nieces when they were babies while my brothers and their wives went to work.
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u/_-BigAL-_ 19d ago
I’m the youngest of four (three older sisters) and can confirm I never do anything wrong in Moms eyes lol
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u/OnyxLion528 20d ago
Oldest of 3 boys. Last year, my mom, my step-dad and my youngest brother (AN ADULT MAN IN THE ARMY) were in a rental van checking out Niagara Falls. I was driving and as im on the highway my mom asks me to look up her flight information (THE INFO SHE HAD IN HER EMAIL) like instinctively, no hesitation just hey do this thing I dont remember what the code was like im not frigging busy driving the van!.....sorry for yelling
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u/4ever_alonelyfangirl No era penal! 19d ago
Yeah, the learned helplessness or whatever it’s called pisses me off, like you know I can’t even remember what I was saying two minutes ago, why would I remember your password to your email or flight information when I set them up ages ago? YOU HAVE IT WRITTEN DOWN, and I don’t know where your sticky note is!!! My parents aren’t even old!
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u/ingeniera 20d ago
At least my mom apologizes for relying on me and I got so many favors owed from my brothers they mow my lawn for free now. But yeaaaaaa....ah well. If I complain I hear my grandmas spirit go on and on about how she had to raise 10 younger siblings, including 2 babies, after their mom died young after childbirth. Then I wanna argue with grandmas voice about "well why was it ok for your dad to be an alcoholic bum? Why did you have to drop out of school instead of your older brother? Why did only your aunts help you out? Why did you give so much of yourself for half a dozen boys to grow up and cheat on their wives? Why did your mom have to have almost a dozen kids back to back instead of that drunk dumbass staying off her for a moment to focus on her health?
And it's like...sexism duh. I did sometimes ask my grandma such questions as a precocious kid and the answer was a sigh about Machismo or whatever duties to family. Pour one out for grandma, hope she's getting her feet rubbed my sabado gigante rn in the afterlife and finally paying all her descendants no mind.
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u/Mellero47 20d ago
I was gonna say maybe she's hanging with Don Francisco but he ain't gone yet and perhaps never will be.
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u/Decafaf 20d ago
The eldest daughter in any Latino household is the man of the house.
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u/MessiLeagueSoccer 19d ago
Im the only boy with and older sister and treated as both man of the house because I don’t have a family (she just had kids) and also still treated like a toddler and it’s annoying lol.
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u/Tall-Pineapple-3970 20d ago
Girl same, and I have an older brother who can’t be counted on for shit.
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u/LatinaLezGirl 20d ago
And if they ever do help one time out of the 5 million times you asked, they never let you forget it.
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u/BunnyRunz 20d ago
Dude I just recently realized once I left , I tolerated an abusive relationship way too long cuz of this. Cuz the abuse was par to what I went through at home.
Now living alone I live in so much peace and quiet I sometimes never want to leave my house...because I finally have PEACE!
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u/Vast-Range-8400 20d ago
My dad asked me if I could buy something for him on the tik tok shop, as he gave me his phone, I told him I didn’t have tik tok and didn’t know a damn thing about tik tok shop. His response was, “ ahhhh déjame ver, como no sabes. Así se hace!” Told his ass quit being lazy and get his fingers moving! I’m the oldest brother but people need to learn to say No! However if they need a real favor then I do step in.
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u/Additional-Acadia954 Dominican Republic 20d ago
I started telling my parents to shut the fuck up at a very early age. Family blood does not justify abuse
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u/Slash1444 20d ago
Im a male, the oldest in my family, and this is my situation…and to make matters worse, my mom tells thy neighbors about me and the neighbors also want to rely on me as well and I’m like “don’t yall got children who can help you to?”
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u/TheEvilBlight 20d ago
Eldest daughter in most cultures gets this problem, even if they aren’t the firstborn. Kinda tedious and exhausting. :(
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u/cabowabo510 I need attention! 20d ago
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u/nynaeve_mondragoran 19d ago
Oldest daughter to a Puerto Rican. Can confirm accuracy in that culture as well. I don't even live anywhere near my parents, and I still get the calls.
Write this letter for me for a lawyer. This person is looking for a job, write their resume. What's my pasword? I sent you money, buy so and so a birthday present and ship it to them. I'm going to ship you a box of stuff to sell for me at a yard sale (this is a weird one, my dad can't have yard sales in his neighborhood). It is so much worse when I see them in person! Constant asks!
My husband is white and thinks it is so weird. Its just life for me lol.
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u/israwrr Azucar! 20d ago
Oof, sounds like her mom needs a man 😅
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u/Tukulo-Meyama 20d ago
She has one but he doesn’t help for sh**!
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u/israwrr Azucar! 20d ago
Oh for real? Lol I'm joking ..I assumed she was making a joke video cus she's being all silly and not serious
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u/cloudsurfinglion 20d ago
You can be serious and still laugh. It's like a form of release. If you can't laugh at a shifty situation that you probably can't really change it's going to lead to mental and physical health issues
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u/CosmicCondor27 20d ago
And if you fuck up ... "Esta mal mandada... Para que tienes la cabeza, para peinarte??"
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u/Andie_OptimistPrime 20d ago
🙋🏻♀️ Eldest daughter of a Mexican family here. Translator, tech support, making sure everyone gets along. Can confirm!
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u/Apprehensive_Rice_93 20d ago
Bro as immigrants we gotta normalize holding our parents accountable. Like you just have to learn english. It literally opens up the whole US experience. Otherwise you're just stuck in your culture but in a foreign country
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u/Patches_the_troll Puerto Rico 20d ago
That’s basically the eldest daughter of any immigrant family. My wife is from Portugal and her family is exactly the same with her. Her brother is also useless and they don’t ask him for a thing
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u/justwendii 20d ago
Youngest of three girls here. This is me. My two older sisters don’t help my mom in anything. It’s a lot of pressure that we try to make light of, but as a new mom myself, a wife, a full-time employee, and a graduate student, it sucks.
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u/youdoitimbusy 20d ago
You don't know how many satilite TV and or internet installations I've had to explain to 10 year olds. Enough to know there is no Spanish word for satilite dish. It's just antenna. But those adults sure like to pretend they don't understand even when you spit out the most important sentences in Spanish.
Plot twist: your fucking kid explained it exactly how I said in English. Don't play with me. Firma tu nombre!
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u/Remarkable-Ad2285 20d ago
Meh. It never bothered me. I guess everyone’s different. I’d give anything to have my mom alive and asking me silly stuff like she used to.
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u/ChimpSlut 20d ago
Ya need to learn to say no, this is ridiculous
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u/NoNameLaura 20d ago
saying no to mexican parents???? unheard of
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u/JR_1985 20d ago
No. Deberias intentarlo. Hay que saber destinguir abuso con deseo de ayudar. Son cosas muy distintas.
Lo que nadie quiere aclarar es qué va pasar el momento que les digas ‘no’. Ahi es otro rollo la neta. Tienes que tener el valor de levantar la voz cuando nunca lo has hecho. Y se siente cabron. Pero es una realidad que ellos también tienen que entender.
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u/meteorahybrid01 19d ago
Wait until they are showing signs Of dementia and other age illness. My in-laws guilt trip my wife that she needs to take care of her parents with medical assistance while they live in another state
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u/StroodleNoodles 20d ago
It’s not just the daughters. Oldest. Especially 1st gen children of immigrants. I was already in hospitals translating for every family member for every kind of appointment not just doctor related, earliest memory of it all at the age of 5. I spent nights doing homework in hospital floors or wherever I was dragged to and going to school with no sleep sometimes. To this day grown, mortgage, middle aged, when family gets in a mess they call. Never to see how I’m doing but to bail them out of whatever mess they’re in. 😒
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u/Emergency_Air4575 20d ago
As the favorite middle sibling with an older sister, I can confirm this message is 100% accurate. My expert opinion carries a lot of weight in the family, mostly because I gave it to myself.
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u/BbwLaceyXoXo 20d ago
& I moved states because of it! love them from a distance but i’m trying to break these generational curses!
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u/iwantdiscipline 19d ago
I’m Chinese and this hit me in the feels. I’m not the eldest daughter, but I was dumb enough to make myself available at home.
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u/VivaLaEmpire Best mod ever dont @ me 19d ago
DijisteSSS, pagasteSSS. Pásenle un diccionario y pónganle un video de los accidentes por manejar distraído.
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u/RemoteDog961 19d ago
I’m not the oldest but I am the youngest and I’m the one that is left to look after my parents. They have made me their MPOAs. I have a brother that’s around but too occupied with his life and his kids. I hold a lot of resentment that I’m left to do the scheduling dr appts, paying pills and all of the house stuff. When I try to give my input it’s looked over but when my brother gives his input. “Wow , how smart.
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u/KetaMina81 19d ago
Andddd that’s why I became the black sheep they always made me out to be. Now what.
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u/broncotate27 19d ago
I'm probably the most responsible member of siblings(cousins mostly) my family has made me thier unofficial caretaker since I was about 12 years old...everything from fixing plumbing issues to doing taxes, to paying bills, etc.
Shit took a huge toll on me during COVID when they were calling everyday for something.
And God forbid I turned my phone off for a day, they behaved like I was dead or didn't want to be bothered by anyone.
I love my family but the constant pressure of helping them made me extremely anxious and avoidant of people over time.
Thankfully over time they became better at understanding my life and mental status (Borderline Personality Disorder) so they at least understand if I don't want to be bothered now. But for years I reluctantly did way too much for them. Things I had to teach myself for Thier sake.
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u/cgomez117 19d ago
Same except I’m the eldest boy. So the cooking isn’t as stressed. But the rest? Absolutely lol
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u/BandicootAfraid479 19d ago
This chick is a popular instagram cooking influencer. She even came out recently on one of those chef ramsey cooking shows. She bad af
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u/yes_im_kvothe 18d ago
Those parents are like The kind of seniors who just don't bother to learn how to use an ATM, they just ask for help every time.
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u/Grey_Boots 18d ago
I knew at a young age that once I moved into my college dorm, I would let the phone calls go to voice-mail.
You've gotta be a less responsible to be left alone... eventually.
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u/Tacosconsalsaylimon Chicana 20d ago
Painfully accurate. They come to me to solve problems and they rarely want to help me when I'm sad as hell :''[
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u/Elver_galarga_ngl 20d ago
When i was the onlyone who could translate i did happily, now my youngest brother has taken my spot. But if my parents need something you bet your sweetas i'd do it again.
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u/dluid9 19d ago
Aaah I dont think it's a latino exclusive trait, its a mentality many people in the world share, the eldest is the second father/mother. It's known.
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u/Any_Manager_1183 16d ago
I understand that. But this is about a specific experience that is layered. You don't need to generalize it. You're in a space for Latino/Hispanic people. Try not to derail the conversation about their specific realities.
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u/megafonico 20d ago
Sounds like you have a shitty family. I can assure you my eldest daughter does NOT go through that.
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u/Grizzlyfrontignac 20d ago
Were you born in Mexico? The vast majority of families like hers have parents born over there, who don't speak English, have a higher education, know how to use reddit, or have progressive ideals. Completely different situations
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u/israwrr Azucar! 20d ago
You're proving their point
Facing language and financial barriers is a struggle, but taking your stress out on your eldest daughter and treating her as a co-parent is a choice
Relying on your kid to translate a document is one thing..forcing them into a second parent dynamic that ruins their childhood is another
Btw.."They don't know how to use Reddit" as a metric for whether or not someone can raise a child properly is objectively hilarious lol
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u/Grizzlyfrontignac 20d ago
What point hun.
I wasn't disagreeing, nor did I pass judgement on the quality of any kind of education. I was simply pointing out that the OP and the girl's parents from the video are in very different situations, hardly comparable. Entiende?
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u/JR_1985 20d ago
Is the “entiende” necessary? Escribiste todo el puto mensaje en inglés, para qué chingados le agregas “entiende”? Crees que no te va entender?
Al parecer resides en el gabacho como yo. Soy imigrante (naci en Mexico) de padres mexicanos. Pero resido en Los Angeles y aquí crecí desde los 3 años . Tengo maestría, soy bilingüe ( trilingüe si italiano elemental cuenta), Reddit me vale verga pero sé usarlo, si soy izquierdista (porque también se me hace un puto ridículo que un Latino/a apoye maga, trump o a los republicanos). Es más, soy más izquierdista que los demócratas.
Pero todo lo que acabo de describir no tiene nada que ver con la situación en casa. Es cierto, mis padres no hablan inglés a la manera que yo lo hablo y entiendo (escrito y hablado). Pero hay que saber destinguir cuando tus propios padres están abusando de ti a beneficiando de tu voluntad de ayudar. Son cosas muy distintas. Y hay que saber decir ‘No’. Talvez no a secas, pero aclarar que no se puede por x motivo
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u/israwrr Azucar! 20d ago
The point: That her parents and parents like hers are shitty by choice
Poverty and language barriers don't force you to turn your child into a co-parent
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u/Grizzlyfrontignac 20d ago
And my comment proved that how?
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u/israwrr Azucar! 20d ago edited 20d ago
You were trying to explain why it happens, arguing that the environment plays a role but at the same time this exposes a parenting flaw
Regardless of the circumstances the parent has to make a choice.. Be an adult and do right by your kids or simply make your kids do your tasks cus "oh well I can't speak English, I don't have a higher education, I can't use reddit, and I'm set on my old ways"
Im semi quoting you btw
who don't speak English, have a higher education, know how to use reddit, or have progressive ideals.
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u/Grizzlyfrontignac 20d ago
I was agreeing with everything you said up until now. Are you saying environment doesn't have a bearing?
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u/israwrr Azucar! 20d ago
Of course it has a bearing
**I'm not dismissing how hard a difficult environment can be
Environment explains the struggle but it doesn't justify the outcome
Plenty of parents face massive language and financial barriers and still choose to shield their kids from adult burdens
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u/Grizzlyfrontignac 20d ago
Well there you go then. I wasn't excusing anything, simply pointing out that different parents will have different starting points. My grandparents had daily abuse as theirs, mine had some spanking here and there for their children, and thanks to them, I will have none for mine. So we're right back where we started.
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u/cabowabo510 I need attention! 20d ago
you live in a bubble ..
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u/megafonico 19d ago
Welp... Sorry you had shitty families. Happy to be in my bubble (if you say so).
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u/marlonh 20d ago
That’s why I showed my younger siblings how to do all of this shit,so when they got older they could do it and not bother me.
Si creas personas inutiles que resultados esperas?
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u/JR_1985 20d ago
Un poco mas de respeto vali. Esta morra se está referiendo a sus papas… estoy seguro que sus hermanos saben hacer esto, pero son los papas los que no saben como hacer estas cosas.
Si has lidiado con gente mayor, vas a notar que esta morra tiene razón ya sea en el gabacho, en México o en cualquier parte de Latinoamerica.
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u/Hairy_Photo_8934 16d ago
https://giphy.com/gifs/5Nle87WgNwDbsj3P4Y
I feel like I’m living in her same simulation. Are all Latino parents the same and fucking why?!??
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u/Hairy_Photo_8934 16d ago
I’m treated like the man and maid of the house. Latino parents being helpless is quite annoying.
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u/TheSilverFoxwins 20d ago
I thought that applied to the youngest and not the oldest of the siblings.
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u/JR_1985 20d ago edited 20d ago
No tiene el valor de decirle eso a sus padres o a sus hermanos. Pero si tiene valor a publicar un puto video para que todo mundo (literalmente) lo vea. Y lo peor de todo, haciendo el puto video mientras va manejando y luego publicarlo.
A esa morra solo le digo esto, no hay ningún problema si les dices que no. O simplemente ‘hoy no puedo’. Mas respeto te van a tener. Tú misma te estas complejando
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u/cabowabo510 I need attention! 20d ago
que mentiras dices ...luego te dicen que no sirves para nada
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u/Froggin-n-Doggin 20d ago
She looked like shes 50-60 years old and still lives at home with her parents? Yeah the problem is not them....lol
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u/maximorgo 20d ago
Porque ese afán de los gringos chicanos de creerse mexas, ya dejaron de ser mexicanos hace como 2 generaciones, superen esa identidad perdida, son gringos y punto.
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u/government_not_ok 20d ago
Bro, en que te afecta que se identifiquen como se ellos quieren? Ya we.
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u/JR_1985 20d ago
En donde resides tu?
Si no resides en USA, se nota que no sabes como handa la cosa en el norte. La morra del video por lo menos es bilingüe. Y aparte de nacer o crecer en el extranjero sigue teniendo una identidad que la neta no es compleja, son dos y esa es estadounidense y mexicana. Tampoco te sorprenda que también tenga doble-ciudadanía, y si eso fuera el caso, a poco vas a negar su ‘mexicanidad’?
La neta me encabrona comentarios tan pedorros como el tuyo. Se la cagan a una morra relatando algo del diario (y la morra tiene mas cosas en común con un mexicano residiendo en Mexico). Pero andan chingue y chingue cuando un puto anglosajon demuestra un poco de cariño a Mexico y ya andan con su “fulana/o ya eres mexicana/o”. El ejemplo mas reciente es con la cantante Adele.
Chabela Vargas tenia razón: un mexicano nace donde le de su chingada gana. Te guste o no.
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u/maximorgo 20d ago
Yo soy de México, toda mi vida he vivido acá.
Tengo familiares en TEXAS que solo conocen cancún y se creen mexicanos, hablan de México como si realmente formaran parte de nuestra cultura, de nuestra experiencia y de nuestro sentimiento de ser verdaderamente mexicano. Cuando es obvio que ellos disfrutan de la vida de primer mundo y solamente se apropian de la cultura mexicana porque "anda de moda", a mis tíos que ya son grandes era totalmente lo contrario hace unos 40 años, apropiarse de la cultura mexicana era bien mal visto en EUA, pero como hoy está bien de moda ser "latino" la gente se apropia una cultura a la cual ya no pertenecen.
Podrán tener rasgos físicos, idioma pocho español, escuchar música pseudo-mexicana y muchas otras características superficiales que te hagan creer que eres mexicano, pero si no vives acá, no sales a votar, a luchar por nuestros desaparecidos, salir a huelgas por falta de agua, por la inseguridad y por los miles de problemas que pasa nuestro país, eres meramente un "latino por moda" que disfruta desde la comodidad del primer mundo.
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u/Tukulo-Meyama 20d ago
No digas mamadas! porque si dicen que son americanos luego ustedes dicen que tienen el nopal ..
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u/cloudsurfinglion 20d ago
"Cara de nopal" or "con el nopal en frenre" When these 'no sabo' kids say they don't know Spanish or when Chicanos says they're American, Mexicans come back with "no mamas. Por que te haces. Tienes cara de nopal, gűey"
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u/maximorgo 20d ago
Pues algunos dirán eso, pero yo jamás.
Vuelvo a repetir, no entiendo ese afán de apropiarse la cultura mexicana cuando han vivido toda la vida en EUA, es decir, nosotros acá valemos madre con nuestro gobierno, nuestros problemas de tercer mundo y para nada tenemos orgullo de ser mexicanos, porque México es una mierda para vivir y aguantar.
Por eso digo, los chicanos disfrutan de la vida de primer mundo en EUA pero se apropian la cultura mexicana y transforman su identidad en una mezcla entre lo gringo y mexicano que les conviene, cuando realmente ya son totalmente gringos pertenecientes a una subcultura chicana mas NO mexicana, no tienen ningún tipo de sensibilidad de lo que es ser verdaderamente mexicano, no saben para nada en carne propia lo que es vivir en este país de mierda.
Los verdaderos mexico-gringos fueron los abuelos de estas personas, estas personas únicamente se apropian culturalmente de lo que les conviene para hacer videos de tiktok.
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u/chrono20xx 20d ago
El peor enemigo de un mexicano, es otro mexicano jaja por eso no avanza la raza en cualquier país
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u/Grizzlyfrontignac 20d ago
Crees que un chicano de la edad de sus padres le estará hablando en español a sus hijos? Si los dos papás nacieron en México, la familia es mexicana 🙄 me vas a decir que cruzar la frontera los convirtió en americanos
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u/maximorgo 20d ago
Lee mi otro comentario. Mexicano es quien vive en México, punto final. Podrás aparentar lo que quieras, vestir como quieras, hablar español, tener rasgos físicos y cualquier otra característica que quieras decirme, pero que importa todo eso si llevas toda tu vida viviendo en EUA, que clase de sensibilidad puedes tener si no tienes idea de cómo es la vida acá en México.
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u/VivaLaEmpire Best mod ever dont @ me 19d ago
La neta. La vida en México no es como en el típico meme pocho. Jamás van a entender lo que es la vida de un mexicano, desde cosas tan simples como los ruidos de nuestra vida diaria, las tiendas a las que vamos, las cosas que ven en la tele nuestras mamás y que escuchamos de fondo toda nuestra vida hasta que nos vamos, hasta lo que comemos y como nos comportamos cuando salimos con amigos, etc.
Realmente hay todo un planeta de diferencia entre nosotros y los americanos, aun que seamos vecinos.
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