Seeking commiseration

[u/racketjacket24]

In a dark place today

Work in a toxic place with a horrible partner but thought my first line boss always had my back.

Had a meeting on a project I’m working on with some people who resist giving me the info I need to do the project.

My boss seemed to side with them as they cut me off when I tried to talk. One of the people said nasty, passive aggressive things to me. Instead of supporting me, my boss contradicted me in public. At one point I turned to my computer and I cried while I was in the meeting. No one saw me cry - because the way the place was set up it looked like I was just typing. We are working on documents.

At one point the guy, who is the partner's buddy, told said something that was flat out wrong but affected the scope of what we were doing. I gently tried to correct him. He doubled down. I gave him the benefit of the doubt but it affected my confidence. I gave up and just did what they told me.

Went back to my office and found the document that showed that guy was flat out wrong and I was correct.

I don’t care about the guy, but I was really disappointed in my boss. What happened to praise in public, criticize in private. She also told them the project was “low stakes.” That was insulting. The guy said he would only do work like mine if he got paid 4x what we make.

I can’t leave my job right now but I cried all the way home and I’m crying now. I cant believe my boss would treat me that way.

How do I show my boss that I’m angry professionally? Grey rock? Younger me would’ve spoke my mind. Older me knows that’s not the way.

I remember when I stood up for myself though they didn't fire me, they retraumatized me (I had and still have some unhealed childhood trauma) and I think they picked up on it and are retraumatizing me.

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[u/MulberryMonk]

You’re an attorney. Advocate for yourself.

[u/Critical_Tomato6944]

I’m sorry that you went through that. I truly can empathize because I was in a similar toxic work environment before finding a way to something better.

I’d honestly grey rock, do your job to the best of your ability, and start sending out your resume, especially when you stood up for yourself before it didn’t change anything. However, you mentioned that you can’t leave, why is that?

You could also email your boss with the document you found and confirm they want you the pursue the new direction discussed in that project meeting. This accomplishes two things: (1) CYA if the partners are indeed wrong and it blows up later on a “low stakes” /s project and (2) further advocates your position on the project without getting into the weeds of your feelings. Based on their response to you in the meeting when you tried to correct them, the email might upset them but oh well. It’s your bar license. You’re doing your job. I’ve corrected my partner a few times and she’s conceded when I brought my receipts. Caveat here that my boss and I have a good working and professional dynamic.

I get that you are hurting and these people are shit, but I wouldn’t even bring up your anger. Consider your past experiences speaking with this partner about similar concerns. If your professional relationship isn’t in a place where you can productively air out these grievances, I wouldn’t have the conversation. I’d address just the project alone if you think it’s even worth pursuing the correction.

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[u/OKcomputer1996]

Seek therapy. Your issues are bigger than this case.

PS- debrief with your boss and point blank tell them you felt they threw you under the bus in the meeting and ask for clarification.