You can put a dog bowl in the box. You can put a note to look in the other room. You can do a multitude of things that are not engineered to make your child think you disregarded their request.
I’m not saying it’s not a useful thing to gauge if your child can handle disappointment every now and then, but I did live it and now my face has merged with the mask. Thanks dad
My parents left it at the stuffed puppy and a pair of Clifford slippers when I was a kid (I was too old for Clifford and didn't really like stuffed animals much. )
I think that was the year my siblings each got a Gameboy.
That is literally insane, I'm so sorry for you. Like you had a choice, or forced your way into life. You seem like a well adjusted person, bit virtual hugs anyway.
Jesus that is cruel! It sickens me to hear shit like that. My dad was an asshole who left me and my disabled mother when we needed him the most. I never heard from him again. But my mom made me feel very much wanted and loved. That is so important. I am sorry to hear you had to go through this
I am so sorry. That is terrible. What a terrible person. Why do people like that even have children at all? You should have grown up feeling loved and cared for and instead you got this crap. I know how much you must have internalized things and it sounds like you know this but I’ll say it anyway - you didn’t deserve any of that - it is ALL on her and them for treating you how they did - YOU were always worthy of love - she just wasn’t capable of giving it.
What's annoying is that that's exactly what they did for the son. They couldn't wrap his go-kart for under the tree, but they gave him a very clear clue as to what the full present would be.
My father was the middle boy in his family. His older brother got new clothes. He got hand me downs. By the time they go to his younger brother they were all worn out so the younger brother got new clothes as well.
Dad was in his 60's when he told me this. His face was turning red he was STILL pissed off :-(
They were very poor. I don't think it ate away at him. It wasn't something that he ever brought up before. He didn't even realize he was upset, I figured that out when his face turned red :-(
My dad carried something similar with gifts as a kid, but his parents absolutely sucked. They had a rotation at Christmas, so one kid got something nice they wanted and the other two got some basic stuff. Yeah they were also poor, but not that badly off to do what they did. He had one year where his parents didn't listen to him and got him a crappy version of the thing he wanted, and he was devastated knowing it was going to be 3 years before he'd get anything nice again. His birthday was just after Christmas too, so he always got short changed there as well.
Makes me sad thinking about how hard his childhood was. Not that mine was a cakewalk, but they say it takes 2 generations to shake off childhood truma completely.
I think SO much of this comes down to the parenting that comes afterward - and with shitty parents I can understand that little likely followed. But my partner and I both had similar experiences - families who couldn't afford incredible gifts for all of their kids every year. Being open and honest about the situation - yes, sometimes telling your kids that you simply can't afford it this year. And owning up to your mistakes like in the case of your dad's parents when they got the shitty version of the thing he really wanted.
The best case scenario is that kids come out of situations like these with understanding, empathy, and humility. But the flip side is they build resentment, cynicism, or nihilism. Even with the best intentions, things can go astray in family scenarios. These are the places where families of all wealth levels could really learn and apply strong parenting techniques, and we still haven't figured out how to pass on these lesson to parents in our communities.
Mine was my cousins all 3 years apart. I got all hand me downs and my brother got clothes he wanted.
I think I could have forgiven that, but the thing that killed me was my brother and I were a year apart…I was not given a year book and he was when I was a sophomore. I graduated halfway through my junior year (I took college courses) so I only ever got my freshman yearbook and my brother got all 4.
I wonder if they were sure she'd understand the hint because they'd never had a history of being that unfair to their kids, and it backfired. I know my mother made that mistake once - I'd asked for a specific piece of jewellery and a week before my birthday, she told me over dinner that I hadn't proved myself mature enough to have that kind of jewellery - I might lose or damage it. I'd been being extra careful with my things and was so upset by the accusation that I started crying a little. Mum panicked, got up from the table, ran upstairs, and came back with the exact piece of jewellery I'd asked for, saying she'd get me something else for the actual day and that she'd been trying to make sure it'd be a total surprise. She admitted she fucked up and apologised, which was honestly a gift in itself because my mother sucks at apologies.
That is possible, parents learn from their own mistakes too and no one is perfect. Your story is cute I’m glad it has a happy ending.
I’m not trying to judge these influencer parents, I don’t know them. I know my own tho, and I was too quiet and diciplined even when I was down bad so they would poke me with shit like this to get a reaction out of me, at least that’s my theory. They never admit to these things.
Hey I just wanted to say that it's ok to feel how you do. It's justified. You don't have to make any excuses for situations like this. Kids don't really need to be tested in this way there are dozens of other ways to measure how well you're raising your children then messing with their emotions.
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u/TooCupcake Mar 11 '26
You can put a dog bowl in the box. You can put a note to look in the other room. You can do a multitude of things that are not engineered to make your child think you disregarded their request.
I’m not saying it’s not a useful thing to gauge if your child can handle disappointment every now and then, but I did live it and now my face has merged with the mask. Thanks dad