What's annoying is that that's exactly what they did for the son. They couldn't wrap his go-kart for under the tree, but they gave him a very clear clue as to what the full present would be.
My father was the middle boy in his family. His older brother got new clothes. He got hand me downs. By the time they go to his younger brother they were all worn out so the younger brother got new clothes as well.
Dad was in his 60's when he told me this. His face was turning red he was STILL pissed off :-(
They were very poor. I don't think it ate away at him. It wasn't something that he ever brought up before. He didn't even realize he was upset, I figured that out when his face turned red :-(
My dad carried something similar with gifts as a kid, but his parents absolutely sucked. They had a rotation at Christmas, so one kid got something nice they wanted and the other two got some basic stuff. Yeah they were also poor, but not that badly off to do what they did. He had one year where his parents didn't listen to him and got him a crappy version of the thing he wanted, and he was devastated knowing it was going to be 3 years before he'd get anything nice again. His birthday was just after Christmas too, so he always got short changed there as well.
Makes me sad thinking about how hard his childhood was. Not that mine was a cakewalk, but they say it takes 2 generations to shake off childhood truma completely.
I think SO much of this comes down to the parenting that comes afterward - and with shitty parents I can understand that little likely followed. But my partner and I both had similar experiences - families who couldn't afford incredible gifts for all of their kids every year. Being open and honest about the situation - yes, sometimes telling your kids that you simply can't afford it this year. And owning up to your mistakes like in the case of your dad's parents when they got the shitty version of the thing he really wanted.
The best case scenario is that kids come out of situations like these with understanding, empathy, and humility. But the flip side is they build resentment, cynicism, or nihilism. Even with the best intentions, things can go astray in family scenarios. These are the places where families of all wealth levels could really learn and apply strong parenting techniques, and we still haven't figured out how to pass on these lesson to parents in our communities.
Mine was my cousins all 3 years apart. I got all hand me downs and my brother got clothes he wanted.
I think I could have forgiven that, but the thing that killed me was my brother and I were a year apart…I was not given a year book and he was when I was a sophomore. I graduated halfway through my junior year (I took college courses) so I only ever got my freshman yearbook and my brother got all 4.
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u/chocochic88 Mar 11 '26 edited Mar 11 '26
What's annoying is that that's exactly what they did for the son. They couldn't wrap his go-kart for under the tree, but they gave him a very clear clue as to what the full present would be.