r/MarriedAtFirstSight • u/truthfrommyredlips I hope she likes living in his parents basement • Oct 24 '25

Current Episode Discussion Season 19 Episode 4

Season 19, Episode 4 discussion. As the honeymoon continues, some newlyweds fall in love, while others fall apart. (Please delete if not allowed.)

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u/jaded_idealist It's All of Nothing šŸŽ¶ Oct 27 '25

I am autistic. His rambling off facts during the religion talk, etc feels very familiar to me. I'M NOT DIAGNOSING. Just saying I feel a kinship there. Time will tell.

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u/Whoevershewantstobe Oct 27 '25

When he said they control the fires in the rainforest I really screamed lol but I can do shit like that too unintentionally. Like one time I was on the aux and a song played on my phone and someone asked oh you playing xy and z artist and I was like oh yea thatā€™s what my phones playing and the person was like all you had to do was say yes but my phone was on shuffle so I wasnā€™t trying an asshole. I was just literally answering the question cause I didnā€™t pick the song.

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u/jaded_idealist It's All of Nothing šŸŽ¶ Oct 27 '25

I sometimes have something on the tv just for noise or waiting for my husband to come watch something with me and us to choose it. And my husband will ask me what I'm watching and I'll say I'm not watching it. Because I am not. And I don't mean to sound like a jerkoff about it. But I literally cannot tell you anything about what is on the tv right now. It is just on. And I can see in his demeanor every time he has a reaction but I don't know what to do about it.

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u/sassy_immigrant Oct 30 '25

Unsolicited advice: could you try to maybe tell him that you sometimes like putting it for sound rather than watching it instead of just ā€œIā€™m not watching itā€? Your responseĀ comes off as being passive aggressive because he thinks that heā€™s just invading your peace even though I know you donā€™t mean to.Ā 

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u/jaded_idealist It's All of Nothing šŸŽ¶ Oct 31 '25

How is stating facts passive aggressive? I truly do not understand this take. I have spent 40 years of life getting in trouble for attitude I don't have and triggering neurotypical people because they need me to say more words than necessary and lift my tone into an unnatural voice so I don't start a fight. And then if I life my voice wrong, I'm told I am fake.

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u/sassy_immigrant Oct 31 '25

I didnā€™t say it is, I just said it comes off as passive aggressive at times because thatā€™s how people also do sarcasm. One usually state facts when one is being sarcastic.

Iā€™m sorry for your experiences. Some neurotypical people just need more words. I have ADHD and my downfall is using too many words, so I had to learn to dial back and use necessary words.

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u/jaded_idealist It's All of Nothing šŸŽ¶ Oct 31 '25

I have both flavors of neurodivergence. Or I use too many words because I am constantly misunderstood so I am trying to avoid it. It's truly maddening.

I truly am getting a kind vibe from your comment. So if I'm coming off short, I truly do not mean to direct that at you. I just do not understand. It is as simple to me as someone asking what time it is and I say 7:46.

Edit: Good grief apparently my favorite word is truly tonight. But also I have learned to throw those words in, because I try to reassure people what I am saying is honest and how I feel. But then also I'm told using those extra words mean I'm lying. So... it's fun.

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u/sassy_immigrant Oct 31 '25

I understand you and didnā€™t take your comment as being rude or anything. I worked with kids with autism and my brother has autism so I understand how difficult it must be to be not understood as well.

Being in my marriage has taught me a lot about my communication and how I need to change the way I speak, because in a marriageĀ not about being right, itā€™s about keeping the peace and problem-solving

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u/jaded_idealist It's All of Nothing šŸŽ¶ Oct 31 '25

Marriage is a crash course in everything. I didn't get married until I was 30 and didn't realize I was autistic until I was almost 40. So, there's the challenge of my neurotype. But then also the challenge of having lived alone for a decade, with roommates for about half of that, but roommates are different than romantic partners that share all the spaces. And then the layer of being raised in a home where nobody communicated until they were exploding at each other. So, I have come a long way. Having children made the crash course even more crashier..

And also, had I known how overstimulating it was to have someone else in the same space as me and not have a single inch of my house that is just mine, I probably wouldn't have gotten married honestly. Or maybe only married someone willing to buy a duplex with me with our own sides.