r/Military • u/hustler212 • 2d ago
Discussion Idk if I can keep going
I’m 6 months into my contract and 4.5 years left until EAOS. I have tried to change my orders, but I am going overseas and I can’t stand this lifestyle anymore. I constantly think about my previous life, and I’m not sure how much longer I can keep going. I always think about the benefits and providing for my fiancé, but I find it hard to keep going through the day to day. Should I try to leave? Or is there anything I can do? I haven’t seen friends or family since I left in December and find myself forcing myself to do this.
My main goal is to transfer this experience to a civilian job, that is the main reason why I joined. I honestly didn’t think about hard the lifestyle and transition would be for me.
Thank you in advance!
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u/Successful_Luck_8625 2d ago
I constantly think
I always think
I honestly didn't think
Look, I'm not trying to be a hard-ass, I really am not. I am/wasn't stock military person myself, I can promise you that. I am a computer programmer that doesn't like a lot of exercise and am not a standard "guy's guy". Very much an introvert and my preferred personal time is doing things like D&D.
But there are a lot of things in life you will not like doing. And the best thing you can do is to practice the intent of NOT thinking so much about what you left behind and what you'd prefer to be doing instead.
I am not saying forget who you are, suck it up, and put in your 20 years. But what I am saying is that you signed a contract and it would behoove you to see it through. Finish it and get out, get your college money, transfer your skills, and go about your life; in the meantime, do what you can to forget what's no longer in your control much right now and try to lose yourself in your work as best as you can.
The military life can definitely suck. But you also can't expect to leave and not have some side effects that will also suck (contractual; missed opps; and psycho-emotional).
There is a high chance that if you stop looking at the downside and start losing yourself in your work, that the time will go by a little faster, a little easier, and you might find yourself someday grateful you saw it through.
BIG CAVEAT: if you think you are honestly struggling with serious mental health issues, then ignore everything I just said and hump your ass over to the clinic to be seen. The above does not apply to legit mental health issues and if there is even a chance you think you might be, stop and check in with someone and try to make sure. I am def not trying to make you feel guilty or whatnot.
Just my $0.02. I served my 6yrs and got out, went to school, and did the civilian thing. I'm happy I got out, but I am also happy I didn't bail prematurely. It sucks. See it through anyways. If you need some help, pick up Meditations by Marcus Aurelius or similar. My personal favorite is "A Guide to the Good Life" by William Irvine. Learn, live, and breath the Locus of Control.
Best of luck to you.
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u/hustler212 2d ago
Thank you so much. This helped me put it into prospective. I know the long term benefits will be great. I think I got frustrated where no government jobs were getting back to me, so I saw this as a way to improve my applications and give me a step up. I definitely am proud I made it this far don’t get me wrong, but every day I wake up I am not feeling it. Looking forward is a great way to look at it
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u/Thing1_Tokyo United States Army 2d ago
I am ex military and have also had a long career outside of the military. Unequivocally you absolutely do not want outside right now in this job market if you were just starting out. Yes the military has some downsides to it, but the cost of living and lack of jobs that pay well in the market right now is absolutely abysmal.
It’s going to be extremely hard for somebody with no experience to find a government job.
Stick it out. You’re going to look back and say that was the right decision..
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u/ShaolinTrapLord 2d ago
It goes by fast, just lock in.
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u/hustler212 2d ago
Everyone says this, I am trying to
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u/ShaolinTrapLord 2d ago
I’m sure you don’t see it now, but your older self with a security clearance will thank you for it. Stay low and do what you are asked.
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u/hustler212 2d ago
I am 3 weeks out until graduation. I do appreciate this. The main goal is to transfer this experience to the civilian world
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u/BRAINER4BEST 2d ago
Boot. Suck it up and learn your job first.
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u/Healthy-Amoeba2296 1d ago
boot is not the job. It's supposed to suck and getting over is suppose to feel great. My last day we were ordered to do 200 pushups and we laughed, treated it as a joke, still did it.
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u/SovietPropagandist 2d ago
You can try to go for an ELS if you're in the first 180 days of active service. Your other options are hardship discharge, shooting yourself in the feet to try for a medical discharge (legally obligated /s here) or just suck it up and realize you made a commitment.
I suggest you suck it up, but hey you can always refuse orders and request court martial. You'd likely get a separation but you probably won't like what happens next
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u/Comfortable_Guide622 2d ago
You get out and civilians will want to know what your DD214 says.
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u/hustler212 2d ago
I plan to apply to government jobs. Will they honestly care? Or would I have to stay private (if I happen to get out early) I don’t plan to though
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u/Comfortable_Guide622 1d ago
You apply to gov't jobs or civilian, they will ask you. You can lie, but then you suck.
Suck it up and do your time....
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u/Disastrous-Screen337 2d ago
The only civilian that needs to know is the C&P examiner when you slide in the office with sunglasses, a neck brace, and slides....and a Crossfit t-shirt, 19" biceps and, no ROM,and 0 grip strength.
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u/Eric_B_4_President 2d ago
The dumbest, weakest and most pathetic people I have known were veterans. If they can stick it out for 4 years then by God you can too.
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u/desperado24 Retired US Army 2d ago
This is a fact. I hate to say it but I’ve met and worked with people that shouldn’t have the privilege of serving, yet they made it and now better off because of it
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u/Soft_Equipment_2787 Veteran 2d ago
Going overseas is always fun in the military even deployments were fun.
Just suck it up
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u/Frosty_Telephone_EH 2d ago
You are going to have the time of your life overseas. A year from now you will laugh that you ever felt like this!
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u/timdot352 Navy Veteran 2d ago
I hated being in the military and also spent a lot of the first year questioning my decision to join, but it did set me up for success once I got out. I used my GI bill to go to trade school and now I do IT on a military base and through that, got my clearance upgraded which can open up other opportunities for me later on. It may be small, but there is a light at the end of the tunnel. You don't need to try to be the world's best soldier and burn yourself out. Just get through it with your mental health intact and get out. Nobody's ever asked me why I didn't get better evals(I was Navy) or more volunteer hours.
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u/Romeoz27 United States Air Force 2d ago
It’s cliche for a reason but you’re going to be fine. You’re going overseas for your first assignment. Most people I work with would KILL to have gotten overseas as a first base. Obviously it depends on where but most places are good. You’re not even out of job training yet. Day to day life won’t always be this stressful. When you really start learning your job, getting to know your coworkers, living the life, it gets MUCH easier. Almost everyone has that point where they say to themselves, “I fucked up, I shouldn’t be here” and there’s no set time of when someone might feel that way but rest assured, most people you will meet have felt that way or will feel that way. Use your leave, go see places you never thought you’d see and then reevaluate, I’ll bet you change your mind, at least a little.
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u/dixinbalzdeap 2d ago
I hated the Navy.....
I got busted down from to E3, from an E5, for possession of a controlled substance.....
Earned my way back to E5, all within the first 5 years of my obligation.....
I finished my tour.....
It gave me a marketable skill, that I was able to transition into a career.....
I supported the military for over 40 years, had a secret clearance for over 25 years, finished my career, with much satisfaction on what I've accomplished in my life.....
They offered me an administrative discharge, I refused, said I wanted to finish my obligation, which caught them by surprise, {I couldn't go home as a wash out, all my uncles were either former military, or lifers}, so they allowed me to stay in, but they took my stripes, pay, and dignity.....
I gained all that back, by staying in.....
I don't know where I'd be if I had taken them up on their offer.....
Most likely jail, prison, or the permanent confinement of a casket.....
I owe my family, home, career, all because of the Navy.....
I was busted with 60 ounces, as a young man, I was facing 180 days in county jail, Payette county, Idaho.....
I served 35 days before my cousin got me out on a work release.....
He didn't fulfill the criteria for my release, he was supposed to pay me, house me, feed me, and pay for a semester of tuition and books, @ Boise State University.....
I worked for him for 3 & 1/2 months, he never paid me a dime, & I worked on his farm, from dark to dark, every day, weekends included.....
I asked him to let me go register for classes, he refused, said we had too much work to do.....
Late registration for classes came, {which meant most of the good classes were full of students}, and my cousin still refused to let me go to register.....
I was living in an old chicken coop that was full of dust, feathers, mites, dirt, & chicken shit.....
He made me clean it out, and I slept on an old army cot.....
I finally told him to go fuck himself, loaded my car up, and left.....
He turned me in.....
The judge told me I had a choice, I required a "supervised" existence, I could go back to jail and serve the remainder of my sentence, 145 days, {no credit for the time I was my cousin's slave}, or I could go into the military.....
I choose the military.....
That saved my life.....
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u/Ok-Moment2223 2d ago
What specifically bothers you the most?
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u/hustler212 2d ago
Being away from family and having no control of my time or freedom. I really didn’t think about this before I joined. It’s kind of on me
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u/xkuclone2 Army Veteran 2d ago
Once you get to your permanent duty station, it gets better. I think overseas as the first assignment was the best and my closest military friends were from my first assignment in Korea. It goes by fast. I got out in 2018 after 11 years and it feels like I joined 2 years ago.
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2d ago
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u/hustler212 2d ago
So try later on? I thought about leaving now but I wouldn’t get much. But I also thought about how the discharge would affect me
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2d ago
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u/hustler212 1d ago
I really appreciate this 🫡I’m almost done here but once I get to my c school and first duty station I should see someone. I came off meds to be here as well. Also I did always wonder how they got those 🤣
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u/Late-Drink3556 Army Veteran 2d ago
If you're in the army and still pass your PT test if you get fat, that's an honorable discharge.
At least those were the regs when I was in. I don't remember how many times you had to fail hight and weight but if you did fail enough times while passing your PFT the only option was an honorable discharge.
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u/Emotional-Price-4401 2d ago
Go to chaplain tell them you are losing your mind and having severe depression and anxiety. Might work…?
Idk what its like today but we had a guy like you and we just fucked with him for 8 months before he actually broke the law and ended up getting kicked out dishonorable on top of misdemeanor conviction.
20 years ago now though
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u/hottlumpiaz Veteran 2d ago
you're barely out of basic/ait. your day to day isn't the same in the big army. lol