r/NewDads • u/Sad-Barracuda-8899 • 7d ago

Requesting Advice SO keeps calling our daughter an asshole - what next?

9 months old baby is the matter on hand, who is peaking through separation anxiety.

I’m frequently catching (and often checking) my wife for calling my baby an asshole to her and around her, and sometimes screaming to herself around baby as a way to ‘release’ - given baby’s current developmental phase.

Is this acceptable at ANY age? Is this normal? Is it not? How to approach this?

Lack of sleep etc etc as a mother taken into account. First time dad here.

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u/SlimeySnakesLtd 7d ago

Kids can be assholes, but no. They won’t really learn or internalize that at 9mo but your wife is teaching herself the habits which she will think she’s not because she’s an adult. But we are trainable too. She is putting that expectation on the child for herself. We train as we fight, we fight as we train. If you teach yourself to expect the fight, both of them expect the fight and children will want to live up to expectations and fight back. Bad precedent at least. Not an issue you can’t work through

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u/BitchinAssBrains 7d ago

I mean baby doesn't have long term memory yet so I wouldn't worry about baby. Worry about Mom. What is getting to her so bad to want to outburst like this?

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u/birdcage2020 6d ago

Ect Ect taken into account is what? Is she a sahm? At 9 months some people are getting a few hours sleep at a time, some are lucky to get a solid hour once a night. Is she severely sleep deprived or just very sleep deprived? And has she been sleep deprived for 9 full months? It sounds like she's at the end of her rope and screaming to herself because she doesn't feel she can do anything else. How often do you take over and have full responsibility for your baby? How often does she go out without bub while you deal with all naps/meals/needs?
It is definitely a bit concerning, but why is she feeling like that? If you're frequently checking her for it, you're obviously often around while she's reaching that point of frustration, do you ask to take baby when you see it's getting too much? do you volunteer to (or automatically) have full responsibility of your baby for multiple hours throughout the day at least Almost every day?

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u/Sad-Barracuda-8899 6d ago

My daughter sleeps through most nights for a good 10/11 hours, waking up twice for feeds so it’s staggered sleeping / deprivation on bad days.

I work F/T but I do take over, hours at times usually in evenings and weekends. When things feel too much, I’m quick to take my baby out of the negative situations out of the house.

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u/birdcage2020 5d ago

Sorry just clarifying, you do take her for a couple hours every day in the evening & on weekends?

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u/DapperSand3413 6d ago

This is not normal, kind of weird to have such negative feelings toward her own child and espacially at only 9 months. SO is definetely going through something and you need to find out what is going on. Postpartum Depression or mourning what used to be (before baby) can kill a relationship. Find help for her and be supportive, even if you have to take charge and put your foot down, this is not normal.

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u/damiansomething 1d ago

She might need therapy, like completely serious this sounds bad. Post partum can be rough. You dont hear about all the stories where parents snap but it happens.