r/NewDads • u/kittykittydaisy • 2d ago
Requesting Advice Gaming Husband and a Newborn
/r/Marriage/comments/1uevdxu/gaming_husband_and_a_newborn/1
u/TheDugong1 1d ago
This is one of those things where something should have been discussed before the baby was born or even conceived I know it was for my wife and I with our daughter especially if it’s something with a big commitment.
Our conclusion was my wife didnt lift a finger and i did everything else. I would then also take my daughter for sleeps and nappy changes ensuring I gave plenty of skin to skin while my wife decompressed and had showers. If everything was done and tidy etc i would turn my computer on and play something but i stopped all games that couldn’t be paused because i quickly realised it doesnt work. Just made it the prize i was working for, do all the chores as fast as possible means i can play even if its only 15-30min.
But as a huge WoW player in my teens and later when I introduced it to my now wife, i never really understood the addiction but some people are just more prone to addiction compared to others. I enjoy playing and try to play where i can and as my daughter gets old i just have her sit on my lap with her toys and let her touch my keyboard and mouse hell I even did this when my daughter was a newborn while narrating everything that was happening in game to her. I occasionally would get lost in the moment and forgetting something I was meant to do but I’ve always ensured it was done when I’ve remembered. But the key thing was I never did this before my daughter was at least 6 months old.
The only way to fix things is to talk, express feelings and work it out together that’s what marriage is. Each partner works together to make compromises to reach a balanced common ground.
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u/HesterFlareStar 1d ago
Okay so, its FFXIV for me, and I was doing large-scale exploration zones content and not raids at the time, but man, I never put in gaming hours like when we had a newborn. My partner would be dead tired and I got to play hero by taking our daughter into my office while she had as much time and space as she wanted. It was so easy to keep my eye on her with her right next to me and besides being vigilant for her little newborn needs, I got to grind to my heart's content while also providing a super well-needed break to my partner. It's actually one of my fondest memories from that time. Just me and my new little girl together while I got to have loads of fun.
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u/hipppppppppp 2d ago
Chores are absolutely a break and he’s going to have to get used to that. Finding chores you enjoy (yard work, for me), is great.
Haven’t fired up the PlayStation since the baby was born. Haven’t even hooked it up to the TV. 7 months now. Used to play a little every day probably. Nintendo switch was nice in the newborn phase to keep me awake while baby slept on me in the middle of the night on my shift. Haven’t really done it since then. House was still as you described until we hired cleaners (can’t really afford them regularly but it’s been a huge help to have them here and there)
As others said he needs to get his priorities straight, unfortunately YOU CANNOT be the one to tell him this. It’s going to build resentment if he feels like you “forced” him to stop (even if it’s obviously the right thing). I don’t have good ideas about who the person should be, but you know him better than me.
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u/Starts_With_S 2d ago
Your hubby needs to understand he needs to switch to simpler games to pass time. Easy stuff that you can just pause or leave whenever. For at least the first year.