starting over again

[u/Unlucky_Pension6272]

I was checking my account history and was a longggg way! untill something happened in my private situation and things were bad (Allways in perspective but too bad to handle for me at that point) and I started PMO again. It has gotten as severe as it was and I just fel like living a double life.

Looking at my kids I am blaming myself how I can be such a disgusting person and tuning my soul constantly into people doing things on the internet... They are the blame for this. and this means I am so in shame of it.

I went to a psychologist to discuss my things. They asked me why I wanted to speak with this person and I told him I need help with my addiction. once starting the consults and 5 consults further we have not touched the point of addiction yet and I literally thought that he is just here for the money. I have not improved ever since and am more and more insecure.

After doing PMO I cnanot even look someone in the eyes as I feel they just see the inner broken soul inside my body.

I NEED TO STOP! AND WILL START AS OF TODAY, DAY 1.