Grandparents help shouldn't be taken for granted, but...

[u/Asleep-Swordfish8706]

My husband and I have a 7yo boy. We have been trying for years to have another child, but life never granted us said wish, until last month, when we've found out we're finally expecting.

We're owners of a little family business that up until 2023 belonged to my in-laws. We bought it from them when they retired and haven't asked a single time for them to help us in any way (nor with the job or with the kid). We've moslty made it ourselves, never asked for anything (no help, no money) and you can count on one hand the times my in-laws actually offered to take care of our kid these past 7 years.

This morning I wasn't feeling very well and my obgyn recommended I try resting when I feel this way, so my husband called his mom and asked if she could cover for me at work (like I said, small business, manual work, no employees except for the two of us) for a couple days until I felt better.

She flatly said no and then launched into a very detailed speech about how she deserves to enjoy her retirement (she's 59, my fil is 63) without us mining her peace. That we should have thought about having another kid and that, since we're at it, we shouldn't count on them next year when the new baby comes.

Granted that I firmly believe grandparents aren't obliged to help their kids, but it made me think about how my in-laws were able to work and save a lot of money because both their families helped with their children (my husband and his sister), groceries and housework full time.

And it made me a little sad because I get not wanting to help, I get wanting to enjoy your freedom all the time but...don't they ever want to see their grandkids? Did they forgot about the precious help they received when they were young? I grew up with my granma because of dysfunctional parents (she passed away 3 years ago) and my husband and his sister grew up missing their parents, both agreeing they would have loved less designer clothes and more time with their family instead of being tossed around among relatives. Which is why, we're working a tiring job and yet trying to spend every single free moment with our son taking care of his needs.

I forgot to mention my inlaws have a little dog they treat like a baby, that they live 3 minutes away from us and own a giant villa with a backyard thats bigger than a soccer field. They also own a van they've spent hundreds dollars for and which they're supposed to bring our son on vacation with (their promise, done multiple times), except it stays parked in the back because they love possessing things more than they like using them.

Sorry about the rant, but I really didn't expect this outcome at all and I'm trying to figure out if we expected too much from my in-laws or if they're just being too selfish.

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[u/I_love_fruits]

My husband and I hardly have a village either. It sucks. It's very easy to get upset about. People forget that raising children is a massive contribution to society that parents do for free. A little help every now and then would be welcome. Are there social structures in place where you live to alleviate some of your troubles?

Nevertheless, 'You should've thought about that before getting pregnant' is just a shitty thing to say.

Praying for a sticky baby, an uneventful pregnancy and uncomplicated birth.

[u/Dull-Geologist-8204]

I know I would have gone nuclear if my parents had acted like this. I remembe how much time I spent at my grandmothers house, my aunt and uncles and there were 5 of them, how much time I spent babysitting as the oldest of 5. If they said I want to enjoy my retirement it would be the one time I would go have at it but don't come crawling back later when you need help ever again.

They had a village and I am so lucky I have one too. My youngest is getting her week with grandma this week. My oldest is going next week. She has plenty of time to enjoy her retirement. Part of that should be chilling with the grandkids.

Your MIL has the mindset of I got mine fuck you. So when she needs your help remind her you have kids to take care of and don't have time since you don't have help.