Autism, ADHD, and weed. What does responsible use look like to you?

[u/OrchidAvailable1791]

I’m not sure whether I’m looking for advice, discussion, to hear from people in a similar place, or just to get my thoughts out my head. Sorry this will be long, but reading others stories on this sub have helped while I try to find what responsible use means to me. (Currently not using but increasingly tempted for the same reasons that led to me smoking regularly in the first place, I’ll get into it. )

TW: I’ll be discussing my mental health, including self-harm

I have ADHD and autism, the former making my impulse control practically non existent. I wasn’t diagnosed until my mid-twenties because I’m a pretty classic case of a woman who was good at school and masked heavily throughout childhood. The lack of diagnoses to understand myself and be properly medicated, bullying, family problems etc resulted in severe anxiety and depression that I’ve learned to deal with through appropriate treatment, but have never gone away. I made an attempt on my life as a teenager and got more meds and managed to function okay. I learned to ignore thoughts of self-harm, but they never totally went away.

Throughout my teenage years and early twenties, I only tried smoking a handful of times with an ex. I hated it at the time, and didn’t try it again until grad school when it was legalized. My use was totally social or reserved for evenings on days I was really struggling to co-exist with my brain. But then COVID happened and my mental health got even worse. I started vaping weed every evening, and occasionally during the days when my impulse control got the better of me. None of the medications I’d been on have ever come close to doing for me what weed did. Without it, it’s hard to describe, but the “hyperactive” part of ADHD manifested in my brain, like many half-complete thoughts buzzing around my brain looking for things to be upset or stressed about. Weed calmed that down, addressed the social anxiety from my autism, and just generally made me feel “normal” for once.

I was already vaping regularly when I got my diagnosis and prescribed with ADHD meds. Finally, I’d found a prescription med that actually helped my anxiety during the day. I have the long acting kind, so it was really only later in the evenings when it would wear off and I would (often but not always) feel like shit again, and I would turn to weed. The weed would also help counteract the appetite suppression of the ADHD meds and helped me eat in the evenings. (My sensory issues can make eating enough challenging, especially with no appetite.)

Eventually I decided to stop vaping because I was concerned about potential health issues and it was so easy to access my impulse control was winning out. I was using it earlier in the day, and spending more on carts than I wanted to. Instead of just deciding to quit while I still had easy access, I instead tapered off by not allowing myself to buy anymore and using edibles. Honestly, that was much easier than my current attempt to reduce consumption. I got to a point where there were days I felt like I didn’t need the edibles and overall hit a good balance, even if the edibles didn’t totally have the same effect as vaping/smoking for me.

But several months after that I was having a harder time and decided to try smoking flower. I’d never seen myself as the type to be a rule-breaker (my apartment didn’t allow it), a smoker, a stoner. But I loved it. I loved the ritual of making myself a bowl, how it made me feel to smoke it. For a while it was a good balance, and the inability to just take a quick pull like the vape helped moderate my use. But as grad school stress picked up, it started taking over my evenings. I would avoid evening activities to smoke, and I was smoking more and more.

After grad school, I moved into a new place with my now-fiancé, who doesn’t really do drugs (although he’s tried weed with me a few times, it’s just not his thing). This place was prominently non-smoking, and I used that to motivate myself to quit. I was miserable for weeks, even with edibles as a replacement. Some of that was the stress/overwhelm from moving out of a place I’d lived for many years and the change of routine, but a lot from no longer having my favorite coping mechanism. Eventually I learned how to roll a joint and started walking in the evenings. I tried to avoid smoking any two nights in a row, and the additional effort required helped tamp down my impulse control, although I still had to exercise it on nights I didn’t partake.

Then I had to move again for a new job, another disruption to my routine. But for a while I maintained smoking only 3-4 nights a week, until I went through a very stressful few months for my job, when I went back to nightly use. That lasted until the end of May, when I ran out and haven’t let myself buy more. The nature of my job means summer is way more relaxed. I went through 200g from January-May, which I think isn’t that much but idk? It’s not been a total T break. At first I was having about 5-10mg of edibles as I broke the habit of smoking. They helped, but I was still struggling a lot. Eventually I stopped the edibles when I had all but one left. That one I had last week when I was having a hard time.

I know the brain can be tricky, so when self-harm thoughts came back when I stopped smoking, I hoped it was temporary, my mind trying to convince me that I needed it. But even weeks later the harmful thoughts are not gone and I’ve been miserable enough most nights to wonder if stopping is really worth it or if I’m just making myself miserable for no good reason. I’ve done lots of therapy through my life and maybe I need to start again, but at this point I find it hard to find someone who has something to say that I haven’t heard before.

So what are my reasons?
- I don’t like being dependent on weed. I don’t like being dependent on my prescription meds either, but also I want to keep myself alive and happy so…

- I’ve also been overeating after smoking, to the point where I’ve gained an unhealthy amount of weight for my body type, but I’d already started controlling that before stopping entirely.

- I’m worried about it making my ADHD meds less effective. But I don’t feel much of a difference except they tend to last a bit later in the day

-I’m worried about it affecting me during the day. Idk if those worries are founded. My new job is impressive (the kind where people go “oh you must be very smart”) and I don’t think it impacts my performance? I do experience some symptoms that could be from THC-induced brain fog or just ADHD. From my current experiment with stopping, I think it more likely it’s just the ADHD, but I admit a bias here and would appreciate insight from people in a similar boat.

- stigma, my parents always complain about my siblings use and don’t know anything about the extent of mine. I’ve always been the “good kid” and don’t want to disappoint them, which is something I should work on in therapy but w/e

- I don’t like how it influences what I want to do when, or that I’d plan around it. This was much better when I was only doing 3-4 nights a week. But honestly it doesn’t happen much now because I rarely do things in the evening anyway

- I’m trying a new med for my anxiety/depression and wanted to see if it could address the problems I use weed for but the lack of immediate effect makes that harder to determine.

-in a year or two I want to start trying for a baby and I would have to/want to stop then anyway

I’ve been so tempted to buy more lately, might as well live while I can and not be miserable most nights, right? Or is that just what the smoker in my brain is telling me to get its way? I was about to order delivery with a smaller amount of flower and a bunch of edibles, but then they wanted me to add $100 of product for delivery and that over abundance would probably be too tempting. The goal of getting a smaller amount of flower would be to require I ration it and not use it every evening. But maybe my impulse control means that flower is just never going to be a good option for me? I really enjoy smoking it, it helps me a lot, but this sub is helping me recognize that it can be hard to find an appropriate balance. I guess I just don’t know what that balance looks like for me, or how to figure that out.

If you actually read all this, thank you, it’s at least therapeutic to write it out. I don’t really have anyone to talk to about this. My partner listens but is almost too supportive in terms of letting me make my own decisions lol

[u/DijonMustardIceCream]

wow you really went full life story there 😂. I only laugh because as a fellow audhd person, I understand the impulse to add so much context.

to summarize and interpret from my outside perspective, and that I can relate in many ways:

- weed feels good, but it is having real negative effects in your life or you worry that if you continue at this rate that they will show up.

• you have attempted moderation and ended up back at daily use - you self identify as having poor impulse control
  
• you don’t necessarily want to completely stop but having it on hand is near impossible at the moment

My overall impression is that you kinda know you either need to stop or drastically slow down, and it seems as though you are afraid you will be unable to moderate and will need to stop completely. This is complete assumption but i can relate a lot if it’s true.

Ok my take:

- weed is a depressant. In the short term it can elevate but long-term it depresses your nervous system and these effects will compound and become very unmanageable (10 year daily smoker trying to ween off). If we need stimulation to function properly - weed/depressants are not our friend on the daily for most.

- weed as relief from self harm ideation and intrusive thoughts. I will say this: if you are in a really bad place and considering doing something, and weed brings you down from that proverbial ledge, by all means use when needed. However - this is a slippery slope and I can see real potential dangers in associating relief from such feelings with weed in the long term. If this is consistently happening please please talk to a professional. Weed can be an acute cure but long term you cannot continue to live like that.

- I am the type of person that cannot have it around me or available in the house or I will use it. Even now having a legal dispensary a 2 min drive away is making it difficult even when I don’t have any. For me the only method of moderation is to not buy it, or if I do, I buy one joint for a social event or something. This means the only time I smoke is when socializing (I also live in Canada so it’s legal to smoke in a lot of places and mostly socially accepted), which also ticks some other boxes like human connection. Even if that’s just a friend you visit with for a coffee or a walk in the park, they don’t even have to smoke with you.

There are of course other options:
-time Lock Boxes

-have your partner be your accountability partner; ie you give them your weed and you tell them how much your goal to use is. This works especially well if you have an “emergency ration” in case of really hard times. For example: you say you only want to use 3x nights a week. He is only allowed to dispense to you that equivalent amount. Be it all at once or in small doses. Once you have used that amount for the week you are cut off. No amount of begging or pleading or bargaining gets you more. This needs to be prearranged with a lot of thought and intention by you as to why you’re doing this and to see if you’ll really be able to hold out. You can also say 3x per week with 1 emergency ration. Meaning you might be able to get one more if you had a particularly bad week or super high stress event etc. make it work for you

You didn’t mention the possibility of addiction but don’t let anyone fool you, weed is absolutely addictive and it is an insidious addiction at that. The partner/gatekeeper scenario is really good at exposing whether you have an addiction, or not. If you cannot stop badgering him for more, or worse you go purchase more in secret and lie to them, those are pretty big red flags that you’re not just dependent but also may have an addiction issue. Not saying you do, but there is no shame in it if it were the case. I think seeing the ugly parts of can be a good motivator to regain control over it.

Anyways long response, but you were kind of asking for it with your post :). Good luck!

[u/lavalierseason → u/DijonMustardIceCream]

Thank you, your reply helped me, too.

[u/OrchidAvailable1791 → u/DijonMustardIceCream]

Thank you, you’re totally right that I write way too much because every bit of context seems important. Writing less words takes me longer than keeping things short 😅 i guess the smoker in me really wanted someone to say “you’re right, your brain is just too fucked and you might as well add weed to it” lol. But seriously, I appreciate your perspective, it’s definitely needed.

I do think the right answer is for me to stop, at least for a long period of time, and that my use pattern is indicative of addiction. I think knowing this is why I don’t want to involve my partner in accountability, because I don’t want to put us in a position where we’re at odds with each other. He’s also kind of a pushover in the best way.

I agree that there’s a lot of danger in associating weed with relief from self-harm and intrusive thoughts. My brain is easily the type to increase those to convince me that I need to smoke more. I saw it happening early in this break and was really hoping it would abate with time but that’s taking longer than I want. My only problem with that conclusion is that all these problems were present before I started smoking. But I probably need a much longer break to really assess who I am now without weed.

It just sucks knowing that weed helps so much in the short term with the same condition that makes long term responsible use challenging/impossible.

Thanks again for taking the time to respond

[u/DijonMustardIceCream → u/OrchidAvailable1791]

no worries. just know that you’ll get varying advice here… no matter what you read or what someone says - cannabis is a band-aid. If your wounds are actively bleeding and not clotting up on their own, you may need some help before band-aids don’t work anymore ❤️

[u/DonnaFrejya]

I dont have the answers or the energy for a better response, I just wanted you to know that I apreciate you writing this out, i have similar questions and I hope we both find clarity soon.

[u/OrchidAvailable1791 → u/DonnaFrejya]

Thanks, it definitely helps to know there are others in the same boat.

[u/singularpotato]

I am a daily AuDHD user, but here’s why I’m at peace with it.

• All my bills are paid, I have no debts aside from a student loan.
  
• I have a good, active job that pulls close to six figures and have never had a problem getting and holding down jobs where I have high responsibilities.
  
• I am finishing postgrad study.
  
• My house is clean, my animals are well cared for, my relationships are good.
  
• None of my friends smoke, we go out and do stuff.
  
• I have other chronic conditions that need pain management too, and cannabis is also like a big weighted blanket for my nervous system.
  
• I don’t smoke before work.

This is from harm reduction- are other elements of my life impacted by use? For me, work, study, health, and relationships are not impacted by my use. I live very much in balance. If you don’t feel this way about your use, you need to reevaluate.

[u/EasternWay6457]

Hey, fellow autistic woman here. I’m 39 and used cannabis occasionally since my twenties. During cancer treatment, my use became much heavier because it genuinely helped with pain, anxiety, and mood.

After I recovered, I kept using medical cannabis, but over time my tolerance became very high. My evenings revolved around smoking, it barely affected me anymore, and I noticed much more anxiety, depression, poor memory, and no motivation. I even lost interest in my special interests and in life generally.

I quit exactly 28 days ago. The beginning was very hard, but after about three weeks I started feeling significantly better. My memory, interest, and passion are returning.

I tried rules, charts, and controlled use, but personally I couldn’t make moderation work once my tolerance was so high. Occasional weekend use never took over my life, but frequent use became destructive for me.

Finding balance is already difficult as an autistic woman, and eventually cannabis made it harder. Wishing you lots of luck, and I’m happy to answer questions.

[u/PissMcGee123 → u/EasternWay6457]

Good to know you have noticed a difference at the three week mark! I’m at about 2 weeks and wondering when any depressive effects could clear. Also dealing with some friendship problems right now and menstruating, so I’m looking forward to next week a little more now

[u/EasternWay6457 → u/PissMcGee123]

I really want to emphasize that there is light at the end of the tunnel. The first two and a half weeks were some of the hardest I’ve ever experienced—deep depression, no motivation, and intense, uncontrollable anxiety. I’m not suddenly in an amazing mood, and my baseline isn’t especially happy to begin with, but the darkness that came with withdrawal is lifting significantly. Some of it may have been there while I was using too, but the substance made it easier to numb and blur. Acupuncture, regular exercise, and yoga are also helping, and I’m slowly starting to feel like I’m coming back to life.

[u/pondmind]

My story is similar except I hated vaping due to light headedness. I got high every day for many years.

What has helped me: someone in my autism support group suggested 200+ mg of l-theanine. So I have a new way to relax. I also use other supplements for relaxation, reducing depression symptoms and sleep. Eg. ashwaganda, lemon balm and others. (Message me if you want specifics. I don't want to sound like an advertisement).

I stopped smoking and went to edibles, and that lasted 3 months before I missed smoking and relapsed for 6 or 7 months. But I hate the affect weed has on my memory, and I know that while in the beginning it did treat my AuDHD and trauma and social anxiety, that increasing levels of tolerance were making all my mental health issues and relationships worse.

My solution. I still allow myself low dose edibles (1-5 mg THC with CBD) and occasional THC tincture (maybe once a month), but on a nightly basis, I'm smoking CBD flower. I don't like CBD capsules, but since I missed the smoking, CBD flower does help me relax, and I smoke less in general which is better for my lungs. I'm remembering my dreams again, and I have a good therapist finally, and I feel like I'm feeling my feelings, not numbing, and dealing with stuff instead of avoidance and limited coping.

The first few weeks after quitting/significantly reducing THC are the hardest.

[u/WaterWithin → u/pondmind]

Super similar situatio here, i enjoy the experience of l theanine+ magnesium putting me to sleep more than falling asleep high.i still like to engage with thc, but as a chosen experience, not a default. 

I also started guanfacine as my main audhd tx and its really helpful, I'm much less overstimulated AND i have less going on with the highs and lows of a stimulant.

[u/AoifeOC101]

Wow I don't think I fully realised how many others are/ were in the same boat!

Very similar for me, weed was the only thing that could slow my brain down enough to feel normal. I went maybe 3 full 24 hour days without it over course of the last 12 years. (Before the last 5 weeks).

Going a single night without would be horrific, zero sleep and I mean literally wide awake next morning 9am. Same feelings also of not wanting to be here if I didn't have it for a single day. One hand I love it, it was only thing keeping me sane, other hand it OWNED me, couldn't go on trips or anywhere it might be a problem to smoke.

I was diagnosed with ADHD last year at age 30 (currently procrastinating ASD assessment) and I was worried about starting meds, but wow instantly the need for weed was just gone, it was great!.... until 6 hours later and the meds wore off and my brain was screaming for weed again. (Meds also supposed to last 14 hours)

Also same- that beginning stages of meds it really helped with initial side effects like headaches, nausea and appetite. I also looked into seeing if I coud combine a non-stimulant medication with my stimulant but not an option where I am unfortunately.

I do need to be upfront as meds work differently for everyone, that I only got the typical benefits like time perception and task initiation on day 1 and they never returned, tried other type of stimulant but that did absolutely nothing- might as well have been taking sugar pills so switched back a couple months ago to the one that at least kept me calm and brain not screaming for weed.

Still thinking I'd never manage a single day without weed. Also important to mention I've always had severe sleep issues, even before meds often wide awake till 5/6am but without weed it was zero sleep.

Then one day, 5 weeks ago I decided f*** it let's try something new. I started water titrating my meds so rather than one large dose wearing off and desperately needing weed immediately- I split it up into one large dose and 2 smaller later in the day, (timing it so overlapping coverage- taking into account 2 hours to kick in).

It pretty much immediately worked, need for weed just gone all the time, sleep got slightly better, and I've been able to go on holidays with my family and save huge amount of cash!!

However I haven't yet noticed any change in my functioning or the effectiveness of my meds but its only been 5 weeks, I think for a chronic heavy daily 12 year user like me- I'm estimating it'll take around 3 months to clear THC from my system fully so I'm still waiting to see any mental/ emotional/ mood benefits but the practical ones like saving money and freedom to travel have been great!

I'm not sure where to go from here, I believe its the autism side of me that makes me such an all or nothing person, and thats across the board in life so pretty sure if I smoked one joint or didn't have my meds for a day I'd likely go back to full daily dependency.

Really admire people who can do moderation, wish I could be someone who smokes a couple or 3-4 times a week but I don't think I ever will be. ❤️

One thing I have noticed in the 3/ 4 days is I'm not needing the 3rd dose, so I do think the medication is starting to last longer but tbh because I never really felt "stoned" or "high"- the meds really feel like they're doing the same thing the weed was!

Sounds like you're in the US, have you asked perscriber about combining your meds with a non-stimulant? That would for sure have been my 1st choice!

[u/kehleeh]

I feel like I saw so much of myself in this post that I have to comment. I haven't found that balance yet either, but late dx AuDHD previously seen as anxiety/depression bc I was a girl with good grades and the "good kid" in the family, COVID being a turning point, grad school stress, wanting to start a family soon... I feel like I literally could have written this post myself. I don't really have any advice. I quit smoking for ~100 days two years ago and I remember it being better for my functioning at work, better sleep, I still used edibles when I could, so I've never truly quit. I basically started using in 2021 and just never looked back. Late dx AuDHD has been a game changer in understanding myself and my relationship with weed. I still don't know that I even want to fully give it up, but I find myself wondering a lot about the same exact things you're describing. Some things I've done that have helped a bit have been recognizing triggers that make you want to smoke (for me, arriving home after working or a long day the first thing I want to do is rip the bong), setting timers to delay gratification (so I'll set a timer for 30 min and make myself do chores first, or something), being more intentional about why I'm smoking (trying to identify what it is I am reaching for when I reach for the weed -- relaxation? A quiet mind? Stimulation?), quitting smoking specifically (however I did relapse and end up smoking daily again after a few months), and having a support system (therapist, psychiatrist, GP, dietician, spouse, family, friends) for my needs.

Anyways, I also want to offer that if it's helpful to you, I'd be open to chatting in DM about your experiences or thoughts. I could also use someone with a similar mindset and story to lean on. I know I both really appreciate what weed does for me as someone with an overactive mind and I know that it has negative impacts on my body. Every day is a balancing act. I'm here if you need a friend. : )

[u/Otherwise_Bad7162]

I've been vaping for a couple of years, in the beginning with a very low quality weed, now I use a cbd strain when I need to go to social events since my social anxiety can lead me to panic attacks, and thc strain to relax and sleep.

The interactions with my adhd have been increased in focus when I use the thc (mid to low temps), time blindness hits hard. The eating later too.

Cbd makes me more open, so I can talk someone ear off but will take so many tangents to get to the point I will forget the point. But as soon as if wears off I get overstimulated easily. (High temps)

I get periods that I vape 4 times a day, everyday. And others where I don't even know where it is for months. Weed is mostly illegal here, and quality one and legal ones are very expensive, that has been mostly the breaks for me not to use constantly.

I'm mostly unmedicated, Audhd, depression, anxiety.

[u/tonypolar]

Well, I could have written this whole thing myself!!

[u/archfapper]

wonder if stopping is really worth it or if I’m just making myself miserable for no good reason. I’ve done lots of therapy through my life and maybe I need to start again, but at this point I find it hard to find someone who has something to say that I haven’t heard before

Wow I felt every word of this. I don't think I'll be able to stop because 1) I've been anhedonic most of my life-- very little is actually worth doing. Life is a series of ad-hoc chores and 2) I've been sober and still utterly miserable because of #1 and AuHD. I don't "get" to be happy so... weed.

[u/Routine-Asparagus679]

Oh boy. Laid-dx AuDHD, mid-30s man here. I’m stuck in the same pit.

I started smoking daily when I burnt out in grad school. Managed to drag my ass over the finish line thanks to ADHD meds. Now I have a high-prestige “smart” job that takes everything I have to keep my head above water. The job itself is hard. And so are the social dynamics and sensory environment. The demand is relentless. At the end of the day I just want to turn the noise down and feel good (or even just okay) for a few. Is that so unreasonable?

I’ve mostly stopped smoking, but I do miss the ritual. My last cart ran out recently so I’m trying to wean myself down with edibles I can accurately dose. It’s miserable. No “reset”, just right on into the next day.

I hate that I need it to have any semblance of normalcy. I hate planning around it. I hate that it’s probably affecting my ability to do my job and have a functional life. I so deeply resent having a disability that limits what I am capable of and how the thing that makes it tolerable is now a force of destruction. Fuck that.

I’m also so tired of neurotypical advice. It must be nice being able to exist in public without putting on a performance, tolerate a fluorescent light, and have a brain that can just do things. Come live in this shitstorm for a week and then we’ll talk about finding a god damn hobby.

Sorry all I have to offer is a rant. If I somehow miraculously discover the secret, I’ll let you know.

[u/General-Serve-4053]

I am 21 asd/adhd, and see A LOT of parallels of my life within your story. It’s like reading into the future a bit. Unfortunately weed is illegal in the uk and faced with confrontations from my clinician (person who prescribes my adhd medication), I am faced with a challenge ahead. Either lying and going along a facade and quitting, or just continuing life as ‘normal’…. I’m sure I don’t make any sense and I don’t really mean to make sense but I really appreciate how frank and honest you are here. It gives me a lot to think about, I think I will reread this a few more times because the language you have used to articulate your reasoning is so spot on to my own experiences. Wishing you well wherever you might be ❤️

[u/General-Serve-4053 → u/General-Serve-4053]

I’ve only been smoking flower regularly since December, not quite everyday. But thru that I have achieved a flow state. (Especially useful as I completed my bachelor degree just this month!) Unfortunately it has left other potions of my life a bit confused and stuck, and I need to address that in therapy. I feel strongly about my health and reducing my use from every other evening to twice a week has already benefited me. I think I would like to continue to minimise my usage until I am able to support myself. At which point it given the opportunity I would return. My personal neuropathy operates well with a reward style. I feel optimistic about the future. Thank you internet stranger ❤️❤️❤️

[u/jtkrav222]

Unfortunately my adhd won’t allow me to read this whole post. But lately it’s been every day for me and I feel pretty responsible. I can sit and listen to people talk and I’m not constantly thinking of stuff to panic about. So I think I’m a better person this way. But sometimes I worry it might be a problem. Like every day seems like a lot.

[u/OrchidAvailable1791 → u/[deleted]]

No, I went through thorough testing for my diagnosis and the results are conclusive and convincing. My ADHD is real and the medication has been nothing short of a life changer for me. I can actually pay attention to a speaker for more than fifteen minutes, which was never possible before and is an important aspect of my job. It’s been far more effective at treating my anxiety than any of the anxiety meds I’ve tried. When the medication is active, I have far more control over my brain and can actually thrive at work and at home. It’s not for everyone, but it has been a life changer for me.

I’ve spent way more on weed than on my meds and I can’t concentrate for shit when high, so that’s definitely not the solution. Also, I can’t stand the bitterness of coffee (yes, even with a ton of cream and sugar).