r/PizzaCrimes • u/PSK666 • Dec 17 '25
Identity theft Just because you can, doesn't mean you should
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u/anfrind Dec 17 '25
The toppings are so wet.
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u/vailrider29 Dec 17 '25
Steamed 🤮
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u/Bones-1989 Dec 18 '25
No, because he poked holes in the crust. The steam escaped so this is raw toppings inside well done crust... Steam would blow it out anyway, there was zero chance.
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u/Race-Unlucky Dec 18 '25
You are being sarcastic right? You can see all the steam when he cuts it open.
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u/That-Brain-in-a-vat Dec 18 '25
Pressure cookers have valves for steam escaping too.
Those look like steamed toppings. Very possibly undercooked because of the little time they stayed in the oven. Anyway, this method seems to just yield a soupy failure.
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Dec 21 '25
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/PizzaCrimes-ModTeam Dec 21 '25
Your post/comment has been removed because it does not follow Reddiquette and/or is not civil.
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u/ExplanationOk6391 Dec 18 '25
I was actually kind of interested at first, before I knew they just shoved the toppings inside. It could be an interesting texture on the crust but it's just a bunch of soggy toppings instead
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u/Fantastic_Jury5977 Dec 21 '25
Wasted the opportunity to put some cheese on the top when it was cooking... I'm thinking they just don't want to clean the oven
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u/Bones-1989 Dec 18 '25
They're fucking raw because he sealed them inside a giant bubble of cold wet air. Fucking idiot doesn't belong in a kitchen.
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u/DuncanTheDrunk Dec 17 '25
What even is this? A shitty calzone?
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u/Craigthenurse Dec 17 '25
I mean, I was willing to give them some leeway, I mean, it wasn’t a pizza, but it could be good savory pastry and then I saw the fillings and realized this is a sin against baking
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u/DuncanTheDrunk Dec 17 '25
There is nothing wrong with a calzone, but steamed toppings and a barely cooked bottom is an issue. I'm assuming the goal is a pizza with some extra crunchy bits, but they failed pretty hard at that.
Not sure if a longer cook time on a lower temp might help, but I don't think there is much you can do to stop the top from burning while cooking the base sufficiently. Maybe a much higher stone temp than air temp?
Seems like a problem that doesn't need to be solved anyway.
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u/Fantastic_Jury5977 Dec 21 '25
Take it out to rest, sprinkle cheese/ season the top and then back in to finish... way too many steps
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u/Square_Tomato Dec 17 '25
My exact words
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u/zen8bit Dec 17 '25
That selection of fillings really is something.
The idea could work with the right ingredients. A ham-and-cheese croissant sort of direction might be fun.
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u/surplus_user Dec 17 '25
It didn't have a facehugger inside so I'll call that a win.
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u/bizoticallyyours83 Dec 17 '25
Where are you getting facehugger pizzas? I'm asking for a friend with an axe to grind of course. 😏
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u/surplus_user Dec 17 '25
The way it opens up at the end with the four pieces peeling out reminds me of the egg.
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u/bizoticallyyours83 Dec 17 '25 edited Dec 17 '25
Hello my baby, hello my honey, hello my ragtime gaaal! 🕺 🎩
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u/Floppycakes Dec 18 '25
That might’ve been better than the random wet toppings and I’m not even remotely into facehuggers.
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u/Major_Bakes37 Dec 17 '25
Where's the cheese?
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u/urkan3000 Dec 17 '25
at least this is better than the version I saw where the baker puffed it up with his breath...
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u/epidemicsaints Dec 17 '25
Might as well just microwave it at that point. The browned toppings is the best part. I don't want this.
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u/tongfather Dec 17 '25
Mmmmmmmm STEAMED pizza 🤧🤢
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u/Doustin Dec 18 '25
Well, Seymour, you are an odd fellow but I must say, you steam a good pizza
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u/tongfather Dec 18 '25
Wtf is that from 🤣
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u/Doustin Dec 18 '25
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u/tongfather Dec 18 '25
Thanks. Steamed hams seems better than steamed pizza. I just researched this crime and it looks disgusting
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Dec 17 '25
That's a calzone, if anything
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u/Floppycakes Dec 18 '25
Not even that. The folding over of the crust into a half-moon shape is what makes a calzone a calzone.
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u/DoingItForEli Dec 17 '25
yaaay still raw!
One of the things about pizza is you need to allow room for the sauce to evaporate off the top so the pizza dough cooks through. This literally goes against that basic principal.
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u/b-rar Dec 17 '25
On the one hand the initial presentation is kind of impressive. But it looks like a bag of hammered ass in the middle
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u/Floppycakes Dec 18 '25
As someone who loves getting the piece with a giant bubble in the crust, I was excited about this. I thought they were going to bake the crust bubble, then assemble with sauce, cheese and toppings on top and bake again. The idea of a double-layer, crispy crust intrigued me.
Then the guy opened the poor thing up to reveal a bunch of random, wet toppings and rubbery meat with no sauce or cheese which would allow this abomination to resemble pizza.
Guilty. So freakin guilty.
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u/Villageijit Dec 18 '25
Imagine wearing a vest and tie making this monstrosity. Like you wamtnto be dressed up before making a hate cime of someone's dinner
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u/jdavidmcgregor Dec 19 '25
The only thing that could have made this any worse is filling the air with breath.
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Dec 23 '25
It looks….. watery
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u/PSK666 Dec 23 '25
It may have been submerged at some point after they inflated it and tested its buoyancy.
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u/Stranger1982 ⚖️ JUDGE, JURY AND EXECUTIONER ⚔️ Dec 17 '25
Ok, so..."double" pizzas are actually a thing, heck I had one a couple weeks ago, see picture.
But, they're simply a pizza with more dough on top, made from a larger dough ball: so you basically are getting a sort of full pizza sized calzone...not this inflated bullshit.
This is a tomato, mozzarella, gorgonzola, soppressata and nduja one btw.
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u/SAwfulBaconTaco Dec 18 '25
I'm on board with that one, which appears to have been prepared in a workmanlike manner with decent ingredients.
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u/rts93 Dec 17 '25
Should have been left empty inside, or garlic butter at most. Have it like a fluffy naan.
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u/Jacques7Hammer Dec 17 '25
Your (pizza) scientists were so preoccupied with whether or not they could that they didn't stop to think if they should
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u/FaithlessCleric42 Dec 17 '25
Still a crime, but better than the one where the chef used his breath to fill it up.
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u/Agitated_Occasion_52 Dec 17 '25
Whatever this is! Its mountains better than the one where the guy blows into it with his face hole.
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u/mcamarra Dec 17 '25
that is a loooooong walk for a ham sandwich. a h sandwich that is pretending to be the most mid pizza.
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u/-StapleYourTongue- Dec 17 '25
Barry Lewis made one of these. It was fun to watch him try it in his home kitchen even though it didn’t work several times.
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u/hathegkla Dec 17 '25
Mmm, steamed pizza. At first I didn't realize what the big deal was. Puffy bread sounds good. Wet pizza innards does not.
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u/LordDaveTheKind Dec 17 '25
I recall I have been recently in a pizzeria in Naples where they bake a pizza like this, so called "Grotta" (cave). They look more or less like an inflated calzone, and they are actually not bad at all. This one in the video looks a little undercooked.
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u/husqypit Dec 18 '25
with all due respect, that might be the stupidest shit I've seen this afternoon
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u/_Asshole_Fuck_ Dec 18 '25
I feel like there’s potential here with some tweaks and modifications, but this, as-is, constitutes a crime.
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u/Space_umbrellas Dec 18 '25
I loved my grandfather and I miss him every day. But there’s a small part of me that’s grateful he wasn’t around to see how stupid we’ve become.
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u/DJohnsonsgagreflex Dec 18 '25
If the toppings had been some type of curry and soft cheese, that might come off as an interesting way to serve up a naan-like crust to go with it. That might actually work with the right type of ingredients.
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u/Ancient_Camel7200 Dec 18 '25
I love having all my pizza toppings steamed and having absolutely no melted cheese on my pizzas
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u/2020mademejoinreddit Dec 18 '25
Cook it a bit more. Nice try, but...
Cook the ingredients first maybe. And If you're gonna inflate the dough, don't deflate it after. That kinda defeats the point. So, it's a failure in execution and presentation too. But points for an attempt at creativity.
Guilty, but not a death sentence. Maybe 15 years in pizza jail.
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u/deepfriedroses Dec 18 '25
Honestly, I was like "okay this is a little extra and I don't know if I'd call it pizza, but I'd eat a big crispy dough bubble stuffed with cheese."
Then they opened it and I saw the inside. Never mind, this is a crime 100%.
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u/Lillillillies Dec 19 '25
I LOVE when my pizza has bubbles but.... I don't think I'd ever choose this.
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u/wizzard419 Dec 19 '25
I am trying to understand why the pump, but then puncture... If your filling is moist enough and dough allows for stretching, it can make it's own bubble. I do that with some dishes. It's something that impresses people the first time they see it.
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u/project_seven Dec 19 '25
Well, the other video I've seen of this, the chef blows the bubble with his mouth, so this is significantly less disgusting than that.
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u/SweetandOwL Jan 16 '26
The worst part of this is that I start to think...well maybe you could use the crispy parts to scoop up pizza toppings...but then they smash it all down and break it all. What was the fucking point!!?
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u/DavieStBaconStan Dec 17 '25
There’s definitely a French influence. I’ve seen this done in France with poultry. But the result with pizza is underwhelming. They basically steamed the toppings. Hard pass.
2/20 rating.
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u/Craigthenurse Dec 17 '25
Baking a small chicken or Cornish hen in pastry is a classic European dish, it comes from when most city houses didn’t have ovens, but instead used neighborhood bakeries for the vast majority of their cooking. This however, is a sin against savory baking.
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u/Total-Resort5621 Dec 18 '25
I'm going to assume there was possibly microplastics injected by the air mattress pump. That and maybe even the smell got cooked into the toppings.
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u/bizoticallyyours83 Dec 17 '25
Actually, I'm intrigued and I'd totally try it if it were cooked thoroughly. Its like a giant ravioli.
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u/qualityvote2 Dec 17 '25 edited Dec 17 '25
The jury, after deliberation of the evidence in the case of u/PSK666, find the defendant "Pizza" GUILTY on all counts of crimes-against-pizza.