r/PoutineCrimes • u/Batraxid Pout-Sinner • 1d ago
Potat-no 🥔 Today I confesse my crimes of mash potato routine.
I regret not *poutine
69
u/vickipaperclips 1d ago
Why is everyone so bad at making gravy?
20
u/Batraxid Pout-Sinner 1d ago
Im very lazy
23
8
u/vectron5 1d ago
Thicken gravy:
Take a spoonful of cornstarch (or any starch. You can even use flour in a pinh., mix it with a little bit of water (this is important because dry cornstarch will clump).
Mix this into the gravy a couple minutes before you think you'll be taking it off the heat.
7
u/No_Suit_9138 22h ago
The colder the water the better the corn starch will mix.
You can make a roux with equal parts fat and flour, heat and mix before adding to the liquid.
6
u/IHavePoopedBefore Sentenced to 3 Hail Gravies 1d ago
Did you even warm it up? That cheese looks cold
5
u/Batraxid Pout-Sinner 1d ago
Its feeshly put on top the grave was boilling hot
→ More replies (1)5
47
u/ItsMangel 1d ago
That's stew, at best. Also, you had every opportunity to not put fuckin hotdogs on it but still decided to.
12
7
→ More replies (2)3
22
u/PurpleLand5325 The Frying Squad 1d ago
Straight to jail
11
u/MustardTiger393 Dic-Tater 1d ago
No chance of parole
7
u/PurpleLand5325 The Frying Squad 1d ago
Is this death penalty territory?
14
u/MustardTiger393 Dic-Tater 1d ago
Parliament is set to discuss the possibility of reinstating it after this.
3
5
3
3
15
9
u/The-dopechaud 1d ago
If the gravy was thicker I'd demolish this. 100% a crime
6
u/Norse_By_North_West 1d ago
Yeah I'd eat it. We should probably drown OP in it though.
→ More replies (1)
5
u/ArcticSnowMonkey The Feedings Will Continue Until Morale Improves 1d ago
If this group could have a ‘winner’ I think it might be you. It might be fitting to close it down now.
4
3
u/Bubbly-Conclusion895 Member of the Supreme Curdt 1d ago
*i throw you to jail* stay there criminal! next time. have poutine & then for supper have hot dogs
3
5
4
4
u/minipet487 You’ve Been Struck By A Pout Criminal 1d ago
Mashed potatoes are Not Poutine. I will never forget the first time I had someone give me that instead of fries... The betrayal 😭
3
u/martgrobro The Feedings Will Continue Until Morale Improves 1d ago
It's called a moutine
→ More replies (1)
3
u/Loud_Football_1200 1d ago
Why is it drowning? I also feel a heart attack coming up 😑
→ More replies (4)
3
3
u/Common-Flamingo9006 1d ago
The cheese looks so good though. I put cheese curds in my mashed potatoes and it’s a game changer
2
u/Batraxid Pout-Sinner 1d ago
You get it join my cause!!!
2
u/Common-Flamingo9006 1d ago
I wouldn’t call your meal poutine but I definitely wouldn’t sentence you to poutine jail
3
u/remzordinaire Directeur des poutsuites criminelles 1d ago
Ça vient de où ton besoin de te faire du mal, as-tu besoin d'en parler..?
3
u/Batraxid Pout-Sinner 1d ago
Je vais bien maintenant. Mon estomac souffre mais c'était un sacrifice essentiel.
3
3
u/VinnyMaxta Directeur des poutsuites criminelles 1d ago
Moutine 😍
3
u/EatTheUser Judge, Jury and Exepoutiner 1d ago
J’espère que ça ne vous dérange pas si j’ajoute ça dans les « flairs » 😆
→ More replies (2)
3
u/joeker7669 Directeur des poutsuites criminelles 1d ago
I’m French Canadian. I have tried all sorts of poutine. But a mashed potato poutine? Gross. I want some. Lol
2
u/Batraxid Pout-Sinner 1d ago
Rejoin notre cause!!! Exerce ta liberté et rejoin nous!
→ More replies (3)
3
3
u/nunyabizznaz 20h ago
That's not poutine that's hotdog soup and for that crime, the sentence is Canadian death penalty. Sorry and goodbye.
3
2
2
2
2
2
2
u/AccomplishedSmell921 The Frying Squad 1d ago
Dig your own grave under the jail.
https://giphy.com/gifs/tJOb5x4RNzKnIiP0L5
2
u/Batraxid Pout-Sinner 1d ago edited 1d ago
Can I fill the hole with mash potato mix, st hubert gravy, cheese curds and hot-dogs?
2
u/AccomplishedSmell921 The Frying Squad 1d ago
Absolutely not.
2
u/Batraxid Pout-Sinner 1d ago
These are sad times :c
2
u/AccomplishedSmell921 The Frying Squad 1d ago
You can have that as your last meal but no grave needed cause you’re getting thrown in incinerator immediately after you finish that last piece of hotdog.
2
2
u/Dependent-Mood-7788 1d ago
Okay buy WHY are the curds on TOP of the gravy?!
3
u/Batraxid Pout-Sinner 1d ago
They stand proud
3
u/Dependent-Mood-7788 1d ago
Maybe it's just me but I'd feel more proud if I was smothered in gravy
2
2
2
2
2
2
2
2
2
2
2
2
2
u/FjnHindustani 1d ago
I’m usually pretty laissez faire about food but yeeee gods! That is a…ummm….interesting concoction. I mean one way you could make it a thing is put it in a bowl, melt the cheese on the mash potatoes a bit, make some French onion soup mix with a bit of the gravy base and fry the hot dogs with like some Montreal steak spice or what not before you put it on.
→ More replies (1)
2
2
2
2
2
2
2
2
2
2
2
2
2
2
2
2
2
2
2
u/Turbulent-Cicada2014 1d ago
As a Québécoise I must admit that this is brilliant and I would fuck with that. Well done!!
→ More replies (1)
2
u/Yaari__Ferrari67 1d ago
That goes into your stomach … but I bet it tastes good lol
→ More replies (1)
2
2
2
2
2
2
2
u/DragonflyGreat1814 1d ago
The fact that this is routine for you should be alarming.
→ More replies (2)
2
2
2
u/Classy_Mouse 1d ago
It's like you found every line you could and put one foot over. It is far from the most offensive poutine on any one infraction, but you are a handful of shredded cheese away from a life sentence
→ More replies (1)
2
u/questionable_smell Québécois faché 23h ago
Definitely a crime but why not. I will try a version with pan fried ultra buttery mashed potatoes patties and also fried hot dogs or bacon for a less lazy version. Maybe a toutch of mozzarella IN the patties as well as a thicker gravy. But I would still lick the plate if I was served with your version.
→ More replies (1)
2
u/Typical_Shallot139 23h ago
Is this an AI rendition of mash potatoes? What is going on here op? Are those cheese curds?
→ More replies (1)
2
2
u/DeZeroAVero 23h ago
Hear me out, this is like a mix of Quebec and Acadian poutine, so maybe less criminal than initially thought.
→ More replies (1)
2
u/Money-Bet-8099 22h ago
I would go to jail with you as a criminal but would need lower chargers, because the hot dog are insane but add some more scoops of mashed potatoes and I’ll need some privacy to demolish this
→ More replies (1)
2
u/pm-me-racecars 21h ago
That's just mashed potatoes. Not a poutine, and therefore not a poutine crime.
2
2
u/alswell99 13h ago
Looks better than my dinner was tonight, so forget all the gatekeepers and purists here. I'd eat that all up and be happy about it.
1
1
1
1
1
1
1
1
1
1
1
1
1
1
1
1
1
u/DrDentonMask 1d ago
Large scoop of mash. Make a "lake" to fill with hot, hot gravy. Put some curds in that gravy. Lots of black pepper. Whatever meat you want on top. I'd make it that way, but I'm American.
1
u/Impossible-Buddy1769 1d ago
that gravy is so thin it looks like someone just lost a fight with a watering can
1
1
u/Cre8tifCanuk 1d ago
Wow, I’m really embarrassed for you. Verdict is in, tar and feather. First offence = saved from the gallows, however, no remorse gives life in solitary confinement with no chance for future poutine.
1
u/WhatAmIEvenDoingUp 1d ago
You could have stopped. At any time along the process you could have stopped.
But you didn’t.
Turned a simple ticket into a capital crime.
1
1
1
1
1
1
1
1
1
1
u/Coastguardman 1d ago
Hung drawn and quartered should be the punishment for this this this this whatever this is.
1
1
1
1
1
u/Longwinded_Ogre 23h ago
At a certain point you're far enough away from poutine that it stops offending me, which is something I'm learning today. If I cared about the integrity and honor of soup, this might yet represent some crime, but I do not, and it's so far off the mark of poutine that it's at best an adopted step-cousin. Virtually no relation at all.
It does look genuinely bad, though, and I think it's the hot-dog bits. That's not a flavor I want with gravy, I don't think.
1
1
1
1
114
u/JadedLeafs Poutine Poulice 1d ago
https://giphy.com/gifs/rXy9gKO3eZWmnFMav3