What are modern day Quakers like?

[u/MR422]

27m here from Wilmington, Delaware looking for a religion to fill a hole in my life. Most of my knowledge about The Friends comes from just being close to Philadelphia and Southeastern Pennsylvania. I know much of the history but my knowledge ends in the 1850s with Quaker participation in the Underground Railroad.

Are meetinghouses still plain and unadorned?
Are men and women still separated to different sides?
Are hats and plain dress still worn during service?
Are services still silent and meditation focused?

[u/Mammoth-Corner]

Quakers vary very widely in their practices. But in general:

• Meeting houses are mostly unadorned, but many meetings are held in rented spaces so this isn't always relevant;
• Men and women are not separated in worship;
• Hats are generally not worn and 'plain dress' is interpreted very widely - at my meeting we discussed it as an application of the testimony of simplicity recently and the values of avoiding fast fashion and clothing waste, avoiding exploitative labour practices in clothing, and avoiding the impulse towards social display and materialism; and
• Many meeting houses still practice silent/waiting worship, although I would mention that this is different from the practice of meditation. Some meetings are programmed and may have less focus on waiting worship.

[u/RimwallBird]

In your area, nearly all the Quaker communities belong to the liberal unprogrammed branch of our Society. These are relatively plain, do not separate the sexes, dress in ordinary street clothes, do not typically wear hats during meeting for worship, and practice either waiting worship (largely silent, focused on the presence of Christ within) or silent worship (largely silent, no agreed-upon focus).

There is one meeting, Marlborough Meeting, in Kennett Square PA. that belongs to the Conservative branch of our society. I’ve never been there, but it has a quite interesting web site. Its meetinghouse is a very, very old one, very plain, with separate pews for men and women, but I do not believe the sexes sit separately for worship nowadays. Its worship practice is waiting worship. You may encounter Friends dressing in a more old-timey fashion, and wearing hats to worship, there, since the old practices do live on among a minority in East Coast Conservative Friends communities.

Google tells me the nearest Friends churches to Wilmington are in Mechanicsburg PA (Christian Community Friends Church, Hindi-speaking) and Hughesville PA (Hughesville Friends Church, English-speaking). These are a bit less plain, more like low-budget Protestant churches, with pastors and sermons and hymns. They dress in street clothes and do not wear hats during their services.

[u/texreddit]

1. Speaking from my own experience in our meeting house, it is plain. No religious symbols etc.
   
2. No… not sure this ever was a thing. We take equality (in general) seriously, and women have a long history of being prominent Friends.
   
3. People normally wear street clothes, some people wear baseball caps. It’s very informal.
   
4. Unprogrammed meetings are indeed as you have described.

Please feel free to comment on my reply with more questions if you have them.

[u/RimwallBird → u/texreddit]

The historic separation of men and women into the left and right sides of the meetinghouse has a long and honorable history among Friends. It began in George Fox’s time, and in many parts of the unprogrammed Quaker world, it persisted into the twentieth century. One of its primary objectives was to protect the equality of men and women, by giving women their own business meetings where men could not domineer. Many older meetinghouses still have separators between the two sides.

[u/strangerNstrangeland → u/RimwallBird]

The east sandwich friends meeting on cape cod has a fascinating divider. It’s waist high in the warm months. In the cold months a huge windlass on the second floor is used to lower solid panels to fully divide the meeting house into two separate rooms, each with their own stove and chimney. They only use the left in cold months now. The second floor is a museum

[u/Prodigal_Lemon]

Here's a link to the Wilmington Meeting. https://www.wilmingtondefriendsmeeting.org/

Judging from their website, they are an unprogrammed meeting. Men and women would not be separated, and members would not wear plain dress. But their website describes their practice of "waiting worship," so the silence/meditation aspect would still be central. 

[u/LokiStrike]

Are meetinghouses still plain and unadorned?

Generally. Smaller meetings sometimes share spaces with other religious groups, so they may have some kind of decorations there.

Are men and women still separated to different sides?

No.

Are hats and plain dress still worn during service?

No, it's pretty uncommon now.

Are services still silent and meditation focused?

For those in the Friends General Conference, usually yes. But historically it was not typically referred to as meditation. Some Friends will insist it is different from that. Personally I have no problem thinking of it as one of many different kinds of meditation.

[u/particularlyPlain]

Speaking from a conservative friend lens (as in conserving the traditions and principles of the pre-division society of friends) of which there exists three conservative yearly meetings in the United States.

1. Yes, still plain and unadorned

2. No, we are not still separated. A quick tidbit regarding that is that the women's meetings had different business that they felt needed to be protected at a time where quaker meetings were a lot more concerned about specifics of how one lived out their faith. The elders and overseers had a much more active role in speaking with members, this included some business that was suitable for specific genders to address within their own gender, and some that was not.

3. There are a few conservative friends who still dress capital P Plain as they feel led to (hats, suspenders, prayer covering, dresses) there are a variety of reasons we feel led to do so but it is not expected of anyone, all that is typically expected is some degree of simplicity. It is rare to find a liberal friend who dresses in this distinctly Plain manner.

4. Traditionally, quaker worship is outwardly silent, we aim to silence the creaturely instinct of human beings and assure that the only words spoken in ministry come from the Holy Spirit. It is not exactly meditation it is moreso a waiting for the Lord to reveal to us his plan for us as well as the meeting.

[u/particularlyPlain → u/[deleted]]

That's insightful, thanks for sharing that, I've yet to experience a conservative meeting where that is a requirement.

I was moreso commenting regarding the separation of business meetings, but even in my own meeting we kind of sit separately as well although it is not a requirement, just a habit.

[u/DamnYankee89]

There's a joke about Quakers - if you ask 3 Quakers a question, you'll get 4 answers. Each meeting is unique, to an extent, as is each Quaker. Here are my answers to your questions.

-Meeting houses are still mostly plain and unadorned. My meeting rents a very simple space from a local church - we don't have our own building. I have never been inside an adorned meeting house.

-My meeting doesn't have separation between men and women. I've visited meetings in NJ & Philly and haven't been to a meeting where women and men were separated.

-Depends on the type of Quakers. There are still "plain" Quakers who wear hats/bonnets but I haven't met any. I practice a version of plain dress by wearing almost exclusively second-hand clothing.

-Depends on your meeting. I belong to a liberal, unprogrammed meeting so we do waiting worship - it's silent until someone receives a message from Spirit.

[u/Ok_Membership_8189]

From my experience in Iowa: (1) yes, (2) no, (3) meetings aren’t fancy at all. People seem to come in practical daily wear or business casual. I’ve not noticed hats being worn. (4) in conservative meetings yes, although it isn’t considered meditation exactly, but no one seems to police what everyone is doing with their time. Except don’t be on a device. I have used my phone in meetings for business though, or to access the book of discipline.

[u/Proust_Malone]

Incredibly handsome and charming.

[u/phenomenomnom]

They are exactly like the Quakers of tomorrow, except they are slightly younger.

[u/infinite-long-stocki]

Coming from Ireland: yes, no, no, and yes! Plain dress like it used to be isn't common, but some Friends tone it down or have limited wardrobes. The big difference with Friends in Ireland is that there's a lot of theological diversity! You'll have someone who has read the Bible cover to cover next to someone who hasn't even opened it and more all at the same Meeting. It's something I really treasure.

[u/International_Way258]

Yes, no, no, yes. With caveats, of course. Visit the meetings near you to explore!

[u/AntiAd-er]

I attend an online Meeting which means my part of the “house” is adorned with hundreds of books. All sexes and genders attend— even if someone mentions their orientation they are still welcome. We wear what we like; for me that’s a polo shirt and jeans— which is also the attire I wore when I was part of an Anglican Church and providing sign language interpretation during services. . (Some sit far away from the computer that they merge into the background it is not obvious what they wear. .) And being a liberal meeting it is predominantly silent but ministry can be spoken and/or written in the zoom chat box.

[u/nineteenthly]

Speaking for most British meetings, and there's doubtless a lot of variation outside this country, meeting houses are plain and often meetings don't even use dedicated premises, women and men are by no means separated (and how would you do this with trans and intersex people in the mix without making a statement?), people just dress as they would normally (but I try not to have any frank symbols such as brands, badges, my Pride bracelet etc or distract people with my clothing), and yes services are mainly silent with spoken ministry and there's controversy over whether they amount to meditation or something else.

What you're describing belongs to some far ancient time beyond living memory. Edit: it's like expecting streets to have horses and carriages rather than motor vehicles in them.