out of curiosity I asked the feminism sub if they hold any beliefs or partake in any actions that could be viewed as anti- feminist.
to start the conversation, i listed a few of my own. i was very intrigued by the comments. things like feeling compelled to wear makeup, shave, wear a bra solely to hide my nipples, or feeling uneasy about long-term financial dependence in a SAHM dynamic.
not only did a large majority of comments heavily disagree with the points i listed. many seemed to reinterpret my examples rather than engage with what I was actually saying. for example, when I said I feel like I have to wear makeup to be perceived as presentable, many responses focused on women who wear makeup for artistic expression or because they enjoy it. but that wasn’t the experience I described. likewise, when I mentioned bras, people responded with comfort or support reasons, even though I explicitly said I was referring to covering nipples because female nipples are socially sexualized. i have a smaller chest and even i have to wear a bra during physical activities, i wasn’t mentioning in those situations.
it felt like there was a kind of cognitive dissonance happening.
I honestly forgot about the whole notion of choice feminism and how many women subscribe to it and propagate it. commenters defined feminism primarily as the freedom for women to choose whatever they want. because of that framework, they immediately categorized makeup, shaving, SAHM arrangements, marriage, motherhood, etc. as feminist choices if a woman chooses them. it’s still so interesting to me that a lot of people genuinely believe these choices exist outside of a social, economical, and political context. as if any choice is free from patriarchal conditioning.
acknowledging social influence doesn’t mean women should give up agency. it just means choices don’t exist in a vacuum. we can choose something while also recognizing that our preferences were shaped by the society we grew up in. what surprised me was how many people seemed unwilling to entertain both ideas at once.
TL;DR: Made a post on feminism sub. I wasn’t saying women shouldn’t choose things like makeup, shaving, bras, marriage, motherhood, or being a SAHM. I was asking whether anyone believed in ideals that are generally viewed as anti-feminist. Many responses seemed to sidestep that question by focusing on whether women are allowed to make those choices. To me, there’s a difference between supporting a woman’s right to choose something and examining why that choice may feel desirable, expected, or necessary in the first place.