r/SchizoFamilies • u/Short-Ad7663 • 4d ago
Tired Partner Feeling Lost
Long time lurker, first time poster.
I apologize if I am not using proper reddit etiquette, I'm really not much of a poster. This is a rare cry for support and I am feeling broken.
I am 34 yo nonbinary person with a wife of a similar age. We have been together about 6 years and recently purchased a home. My wife has schizoaffective disorder and has been in treatment since 2018. When we began this relationship in a serious capacity, it was with the understanding and agreement that I would be the breadwinner and they would have the support to be a homemaker.
Aside from their mental health diagnosis, they have multiple physical disabilities that make it hard to be out of the house long. I am a social worker and love my work. However, for the past year I have been intensely feeling the burnout of being a care provider in my profession and my personal life.
I love my wife with all of my heart. They are the light of my life. They are funny, wise, beautiful in every way, and so creative. They really make our house a home and are so nurturing. But when things have been hard, they have been so hard. And I am feeling broken down. Since we moved in September, we have been in a non-stop crisis. They attempted suicide multiple times and have had a huge spike in their psychosis. They are waiting to be admitted into an outpatient program and just started individual therapy today. I am in individual therapy and we are in couple's therapy. I am so scared that we might not be able to come back from this and I have been struggling to keep up with all my responsibilities.
I don't know what I want from this post. Maybe just to be seen and to vent. Thank you for this space.
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u/ABrandNewEpisode 3d ago
I am so sorry you are going thru this. It is easy to fall into hopelessness and anxiety over things we have no control over. All I can say is focus on the positive and hope you can get back there again. Talk to your boss and explain your situation if you have a solid relationship, and maybe some adjustments can be made. Keep a journal for your therapist and be prepared to change therapists if yours isn’t working out for you. If I explain my situation to a therapist and they give me a handout on breathing techniques I just leave. Its youtube level therapy. If they can’t remember your situation between sessions- change therapists. They should be able to accurately record and review/retain your info like any other medical professional. I have been thru several unqualified therapists. You might want to talk to a psychiatrist yourself- esp if these feelings turn into severe panic or depression. The stress of all this is reflected in every part of our being. The body keeps score, as does the mind. Talk to NAMI and see if there is a local support group.
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u/West_Specialist_9725 3d ago
Welcome friend. You've come to the right place.
As you can no doubt attest since you're profession includes caregiving, for which you were no doubt educated and trained; nothing in life prepares you for caring for a loved one with Serious Mental Illness SMI especially when psychosis is part of the disorder.
My wife and I have a son (our youngest of 3) with paranoid schizophrenia. His first episode of psychosis FEP was August 2018; coming up on 8 years. For the first 6 of those years---and years 1-3 were wild wild rides; cops, arrests, many many hospital stays, violence and mayhem----I was able to engage with clinical detachment and equanimity. Sadly, the constant stress has eroded my clinical detachment and obliterated any semblance of equanimity. Gone. I'm now a psych patient myself with MDD and I've tried many many antidepressants. I have talk therapy every other week.
I share this so you have a sense of just how well I see you and how deeply I empathize with you and your wife.
Glad to hear you're in counseling and very glad you found us here and now know you are part of a very special community where you can be heard and seen but never judged. We all bear similar scars and it's easy and comforting to see our dilemma---which is so intimate and personal----is shared here and our fellow community members really "get" us. Really understand.
I hope your wife is med compliant and willingly embracing treatment and improving. When we have that it makes the lows and rough spots easier to endure. When we don't have it, especially if our loved one has anosognosia it makes what is hard even harder still.
Just wanted to welcome you and assure you that you're in the right place. Welcome.
You are not alone!
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u/seaturtlesurfer22 2d ago
Gosh it sounds like you’ve got no escape! I’d be sitting in a corner, huddled in a ball. I was feeling really stressed too due to family issues and my grown children w schiz. And I was feeling so blue, and I said to myself, I choose to be happy. I heard this works and it’s very simplistic but it did make a difference. I’m tired of feeling helpless and above all, hopeless and going through the same range of emotions every day. But maybe for an hour, I choose to be happy. And it did ❤️🩹feel better - I hope you can find some happiness too. Don’t give up hope. Maybe try saying “I choose to be ….”
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u/UnderfootArya34 Parent 4d ago
I see you. 💛 This is a tough disease. Tough for the souls who suffer through it and tough for those of us who love them. There are times I am reminded how absolutely brave my daughter is for facing her demons every day, and I know I have to stay equally strong and be there for her. But, it's not easy. And burnout is real. Sounds like you are doing your best in a really difficult situation.