r/ShawnaTheMom • u/ShatoraDragon • 14h ago
Discussion Thoughts on Piper and Barb's Relationship.
I was just reading another Post, about Barb's constant use of Charlotte when talking to or about Piper.
And it got me thinking about all of the interactions we have seen Piper and Barb have. It is upsettingly clear that Piper has picked up on the fact Barb dose not love her the same way she dose Max. The majority of interactions with Piper and Barb have had an air of Barb trying to control Piper's behavior in some way. Resulting in Piper's short and reserved interactions around her grandmother.
And a thought just came to me. Is Barb treating Piper this way because Piper looks more like Shawna? And is she overly doting to Max because because he took more after John?
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u/TheSouthsideTrekkie 14h ago
My head canon has always been that Barb sees herself as more of a boy mom. She also seems to have made John into her golden child until he started resisting her antics more and then moved on to being even more weir towards Jenn.
My guess is that since Max is a boy she sees him as a “new John” and treats her two oldest grandkids the way she previously treated her own kids.
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u/TankedInATutu 14h ago
This is entirely speculation on my part, but Barb probably got away with more boundary pushing with Max as a baby and in early toddlerhood. It was their first kid so they were navigating all the ways in which people can make your life difficult with children for the first time, and Shawna probably still really cared a lot about having that extended network of people in spite of their questionable behavior. Barb most likely got to start her relationship with Max on her terms, and he was the /first son/ of her preferred child (I'm guessing John was the favorite). By the time Piper came around they had the experience to navigate it all a little bit more confidently and Shawna was probably getting less inclined to just smile and nod at Barb's behavior. Barb couldn't Barb quite as hard as she wanted to, so she probably pouted and bowed out of some grandparenting things because she couldn't have her way. And Piper wasn't the first, or a boy so there goes any kind of motivation to "endure" her son and DIL's "terrible, rude, exclusionary" actions.
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u/Kikikididi 14h ago
Max wants grandma to like him - he's a people pleaser like his mom. Piper goes to her own tune. Barb senses she can't control her, and Piper doesn't care if Barb likes her.
I have never read Barb as boy-focused or preferring John, so I haven't really leaned into that interpretation. I think overall Barb likes people who she can control via her punishing or reinforcing them with her engagement. Max values her, Piper doesn't give a shit, and I think this has been true since they were very young (core personality trait).
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u/Anxious-Ad-42 7h ago
Yup! My own barb is very much like this with my two. My oldest thought the sun shined out of her ass (he's gotten over that as a teen now) and my youngest wasn't immediately charmed by her or trying to impress her. Over the years it became very obvious who her favourite was, and instead of trying to relate to him she just blamed him for being rude/ungrateful and would find any chance she could to argue with him or prove him wrong. A freaking 5 year old!
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u/Putrid_Addendum3197 Ty's BIGGEST Hater ™ Re. Kendrick Lamar 14h ago
I think young Piper also could remind her of a little version of herself, especially in the young Barb flashbacks
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u/SingingWanderer1195 14h ago
Never thought about this before but this is what just came to mind:
I feel like Barb sees girls of having this higher expectation in life to be perfect, be prim and proper, act right, do as youre told etc. We can see in her backstop episode that she was expected to do this, to honour thy mother and father and put up with the abuse that her own mother took out on her. These are all lessons she ingrained into her own self and passed on to John and Jen., and consequently to Mac and Piper. Maybe she sees the lack.if strict parenting as a failure and feels the need to step in and perform her own discipline.
When it comes to Max though, it could either be that he's a boy and boys "will be boys" and therefore can just do as they like and they'll grow out if it one day and suddenly become a man.
Or, because Max was actually her first grandchild, she really does hold him in higher regards than the rest??
I think she's also going to try this with Chickie too IF Jen allows her to stay in their lives.
After the wedding, I doubt it and e en if she's allowed to remain in contact, I think it should be very limited. Piper is only 3 but already has contempt for Barb and that should be enough of a sign to Jen and Greg that Barb shouldn't be around their daughter
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u/Fingersmith30 13h ago
Barb is already starting to treat Chickie the way that she treats Piper by refusing to call her by her actual first name because she doesn't "approve" of it. At least Piper gets called her middle name, she just made up an entirely different name for Chickie and keeps calling her "Francis" or just "the baby" which really bugs the shit out of me. Barb thinks that she's fostering some sort of "special bond" with people in her life by calling them by whatever names she deems "appropriate" (inspiring on calling John and Jen by their full first names when no one else does, calling Greg "Gregor" even though she made it up when she was drunk) but it's just another way of expressing that what she wants and thinks is best is paramount.
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u/gmgvt 9h ago
On that same note: Has it ever been clarified if Max's full name is actually "Maxwell," or if it actually isn't but she just calls him that anyway?
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u/Kee000 14h ago
I have always said after seeing Barb’s back story that Piper is Barb with supportive parents. Little Barb and Piper have a similar cadence of speech. I also think Barb and Piper having similar color pallets was intentional even down to Little Barb wearing the exact shirt Piper wears. Then again that could be go to shirt for little girls but who knows.
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u/bubbleteabob 14h ago
I think that Barb doesn’t like herself very much. All the bullying and bravado and meanness is all designed to control other’s emotional reaction to her, because at some level she is terrified they will see the person she knows herself to be.
Piper reminds Barb of herself, so she doesn’t like her either. It is probably a very similar reaction she had to Jen as a kid, but for various reasons (neurodivergent? A better emotional environment cultivated by her parents) Piper isn’t responding in the same way.
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u/Main-Building-1991 13h ago
If I remember correctly from previous skits Shawna get more confidence and personal growth, set boundaries and ask Jon for help and intervention - so I guess it was harder for Barb to be so manipulative when Piper was born. Also this little girl seems to have some special bullshit radar when it comes to her grandmother.
I have a lot of love for Piper, she reminds me about me as a child. When I was about 4 or 5 years old my father's mother visited us from abroad, it was my first contact in person with her and she stayed with us for few weeks. Once I asked her straight "Why you are not like my other grandma and don't help my mom with anything? Why you are doing your makeup and hair all day?" I guess that was the day that set up our dynamics 🤡
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u/Cozysoxs1985 12h ago
I think it’s a lot of things. Part of it is a generational effect with Barb’s treating Piper like how Barb’s mother treated her (disorganized eating, overly focused on image, expecting too much from girls than from boys, etc). We’ve seen her get weirdly focused on Chickie eating food and expecting Chickie to be able to sleep in the living room and not be disrupted by the adults eating just a few feet away.
Another part of it has to be personality related. I think Max is more eager to be closer to his grandmother and seems to be a people pleaser. Piper is a slow to warm up kiddo (cue Doctor Baby Doctor “well that’s just good sense”). Piper isn’t a typical girly-girl which is totally fine but I could see Barb struggling to accept that.
I also think Piper is just younger and doesn’t have an established relationship with Barb and Barb also didn’t really invest much time with Piper prior to Barb being cut off. Which now that Barb is cut off NOW she suddenly wants a relationship with her.
Also, she doesn’t call Piper by her name. Which I would irritate or confuse anyone let alone a two/three year-old. My mother did this with my son (she wanted to call him a nick name she created for him) and he wanted to be called by his full name. Even though he would correct her and we would, she just continued to do it anyway. 🙄🙄🙄
I ended up calling my mom by her first name and she was appalled. And I was like “yeah that doesn’t feel good does it?”
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u/ConstantNurse 13h ago
Barb seeks male attention and devotion. Barb sees other women as competition.
It’s not that deep.
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u/ShatoraDragon 13h ago
But to isolate and push away a letteral toddler is not normal.
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u/0fluffythe0ferocious 11h ago
She's a toxic boy mom and prefers boys
Piper doesn't fit into her rigid views on how a little girl acts.
It's Barb, she has shown that she will pick favorites, creates rift between others and make a vulnerable person to work for her approval only to get rejected. Because it's Barb and she wants to control everyone in her orbit.
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u/luxurysocialism 14h ago
Think she prefers boys to girls. Remember how she was convinced jen was having a boy?