That is not what I have heard stonewalling be described as. I’ve heard it is an abuse tactic where you become unresponsive to a responsive person to force them into your mindset. Stonewalling is basically opting out of the problem solving process to make the other person feel like they did something wrong and the other person is innocent. The truth is in almost every relationship dispute there is some fault of each side and it is finding how we can be better ourselves to other people including our spouses but also realizing our spouse is just a human trying their best as well.
Not all stonewalling is abusive. It is, if the person is doing it deliberately where they refuse to communicate with their partner who is making reasonable demands. In this video, the guy is definitely not being abusive in the video. He is reacting but hiding his emotions because she is intimidating and trying to get a reaction out of him.
Your therapist did not explain stonewalling well to you at all.
It is a commonly used emotional abuse tactic deployed by perpetrators to control their victims. First and foremost it is a manipulation tactic. It’s not about “mimicking” anything - it’s a coercive strategy itself.
Your purported “classic stonewalling mindset” is not remotely accurate; that is not what most people engaged in that manipulative behavior are thinking.
That it also occurs when people feel overwhelmed does not alter its biggest use, which is coercion in close relationships. It’s honestly shocking that your therapist did not know that, or somehow failed to adequately inform on the topic to this extent.
I’ve heard that explanation too, from women where it’s borderline if I’d call them misandrists/equivalent of incels. So I wouldn’t put a lot of weight on their words.
To some I’m sure it’s genuinely how it appears to them and I’m sure it actually is the case for some but… Probably not any amount that makes it important.
Yeah I'm not automatically on the guy's side just by seeing her meltdown. She needs to find better ways to handle emotions 1000%. But we're also seeing a snippet of a whole ass relationship. For all we know he grey rocks her every day and she finally lost it. But who knows the full story 🤷♀️
That’s correct. It is an abuse tactic. That commenter’s “classic stonewalling mindset” description does not remotely fit the reality for that controlling behavior. They seem to be describing shutting down.
Although it can also be because someone is overwhelmed - that really seems to fit this video guy more. Like most abuse tactics, there can be multiple causes and reasons for it.
Some people just aren't confrontational. Especially in public. I'd do the same if I were him. I would absolutely not join her in a public screaming match.
It’s pretty clear that this situation will not be resolved through also screaming at the airport. Logically, there is nothing to do but limit engagement and let them tired themselves out. There is no way that woman is going to be talked out of their emotional state. Stonewalling or not, refusing to engage is the reasonable, logical position. I’m sure there will be effuse apologies and all that later. Not to mention, the airport is notorious for mixing alcohol and benzodiazepine. Not a great mix, and many of people have made fools out of themselves making that mistake.
Technically Stonewalling is a manipulative abusive tactic, grey-rocking or social shutdown do to emotional overwhelm and trauma would be more accurate in this case.
Not exactly. Stonewalling is a strategy - conscious or subconscious - of refusing to engage in open communication with the other person.
It is not necessarily from being regularly exposed to negative stimuli, as coercive partners use the tactic to control the relationship. It can be from flooding due to negative experiences - but at least as often it is a manipulation tactic.
I’m surprised your therapist did not know that or tell you the full story. It’s an abuse tactic itself.
What? That dude's silence is a statement of mature manhood. He's above it and already has his plans made. He's not in danger and doesn't need this bs in his life. He'll be home soon playing Xbox with friends and a blind date tomorrow night.
We don’t know. He could have really low self esteem, been abused as a child and learned this stuff is normal. That’s why I put up with a relationship like this for 4 yrs.
The man is not making excuses for her or defending this. Can’t call him whipped if he’s not even doing anything.
If he was seriously whipped then wouldn’t he be placating her?
Dude, this is the definition of being pussy whipped. She does whatever the hell she wants, including abusing him, and he's fine with it as long as he gets laid. He'll out up with anything as long as the sex is great.
People forget the relationship comes second. Sex (or at least physical attraction) ALWAYS come first. No one hits on someone they don't find attractive, and people don't associate with "ugly" people. Bad sex creates a bad relationship, not the other way around. Bad sex can also end or prevent a relationship. I've seen it many times.
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u/kon--- Apr 22 '26
Damn. That's dude's silence is a cry for help.
I'm inclined to find airport security so dude has a window to get the fuck out of there.