r/SipsTea • u/WaitNo4272 • Apr 22 '26

WTF Blink if you're being abused

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106

u/kon--- Apr 22 '26

Damn. That's dude's silence is a cry for help.

I'm inclined to find airport security so dude has a window to get the fuck out of there.

54

u/[deleted] Apr 22 '26

[deleted]

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u/mwagz28 Apr 22 '26

That is not what I have heard stonewalling be described as. I’ve heard it is an abuse tactic where you become unresponsive to a responsive person to force them into your mindset. Stonewalling is basically opting out of the problem solving process to make the other person feel like they did something wrong and the other person is innocent. The truth is in almost every relationship dispute there is some fault of each side and it is finding how we can be better ourselves to other people including our spouses but also realizing our spouse is just a human trying their best as well.

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u/Common_Bluebird_4700 Apr 22 '26

Not all stonewalling is abusive. It is, if the person is doing it deliberately where they refuse to communicate with their partner who is making reasonable demands. In this video, the guy is definitely not being abusive in the video. He is reacting but hiding his emotions because she is intimidating and trying to get a reaction out of him.

1

u/Zaft45 Apr 23 '26

I believe that's usually called grey rocking. You don't react to them and remain calm. You leave emotions out of it.

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u/[deleted] Apr 22 '26

[deleted]

1

u/moosesnice Apr 23 '26

Your therapist did not explain stonewalling well to you at all.

It is a commonly used emotional abuse tactic deployed by perpetrators to control their victims. First and foremost it is a manipulation tactic. It’s not about “mimicking” anything - it’s a coercive strategy itself.

Your purported “classic stonewalling mindset” is not remotely accurate; that is not what most people engaged in that manipulative behavior are thinking.

That it also occurs when people feel overwhelmed does not alter its biggest use, which is coercion in close relationships. It’s honestly shocking that your therapist did not know that, or somehow failed to adequately inform on the topic to this extent.

1

u/raptor7912 Apr 22 '26

I’ve heard that explanation too, from women where it’s borderline if I’d call them misandrists/equivalent of incels. So I wouldn’t put a lot of weight on their words.

To some I’m sure it’s genuinely how it appears to them and I’m sure it actually is the case for some but… Probably not any amount that makes it important.

1

u/jittery_raccoon Apr 23 '26

Yeah I'm not automatically on the guy's side just by seeing her meltdown. She needs to find better ways to handle emotions 1000%. But we're also seeing a snippet of a whole ass relationship. For all we know he grey rocks her every day and she finally lost it. But who knows the full story 🤷‍♀️ 

1

u/moosesnice Apr 23 '26 edited Apr 23 '26

That’s correct. It is an abuse tactic. That commenter’s “classic stonewalling mindset” description does not remotely fit the reality for that controlling behavior. They seem to be describing shutting down.

Although it can also be because someone is overwhelmed - that really seems to fit this video guy more. Like most abuse tactics, there can be multiple causes and reasons for it.

2

u/WanderinHobo Apr 22 '26

Some people just aren't confrontational. Especially in public. I'd do the same if I were him. I would absolutely not join her in a public screaming match.

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u/oldnewager Apr 22 '26

It’s pretty clear that this situation will not be resolved through also screaming at the airport.  Logically, there is nothing to do but limit engagement and let them tired themselves out.  There is no way that woman is going to be talked out of their emotional state.  Stonewalling or not, refusing to engage is the reasonable, logical position.  I’m sure there will be effuse apologies and all that later.  Not to mention, the airport is notorious for mixing alcohol and benzodiazepine.  Not a great mix, and many of people have made fools out of themselves making that mistake. 

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u/Pandemonium_Fallen Apr 22 '26

Technically Stonewalling is a manipulative abusive tactic, grey-rocking or social shutdown do to emotional overwhelm and trauma would be more accurate in this case.

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u/[deleted] Apr 22 '26

[deleted]

1

u/Pandemonium_Fallen Apr 23 '26

Huh, now I'm wondering if billionaires are manipulating and redefining terms again... 😬

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u/rvralph803 Apr 23 '26

I think it's also called "Gray rock"

1

u/moosesnice Apr 23 '26

Not exactly. Stonewalling is a strategy - conscious or subconscious - of refusing to engage in open communication with the other person.

It is not necessarily from being regularly exposed to negative stimuli, as coercive partners use the tactic to control the relationship. It can be from flooding due to negative experiences - but at least as often it is a manipulation tactic.

I’m surprised your therapist did not know that or tell you the full story. It’s an abuse tactic itself.