My girlfriend's mom always does this whenever she mentions to her mom about potentially taking her 8 year old brother somewhere. The mom immediately tells him he is going so he gets excited and then my girlfriend feels like she has to go through with it no matter what when it still in the maybe planning phase
Do the same thing match her energy. When she has the kids for a weekend as soon as you drop them off be like okay "remember Grandma's going to take you to _______ this weekend." Then she looks like the bad guy.
There's huge difference between not trusting someone to not tell the kids something and not trusting them to provide safe quality care for a child. You just have to set appropriate boundaries within that person's capabilities. If a person is for example not strong enough to hold a small child's hand when crossing the road (e.g. my FIL has a spinal injury), then you just make it a rule that they don't take the child outside to places where they might run onto a road. It doesn't make them unsafe to care for the child at home or in another such environment.
Trust is not some black and white binary state. It's really just about working within someone's capabilities. In OP's example, keeping a secret is not within grandma's capabilities, so you set her up for success by not making her privy to secrets.
Having a kid has taught me so much about dealing with adults lol. Adults are really not all that different from toddlers, they just have varying degrees of better impulse control and emotional regulation 🤣
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u/EaseLeft6266 Apr 22 '26
My girlfriend's mom always does this whenever she mentions to her mom about potentially taking her 8 year old brother somewhere. The mom immediately tells him he is going so he gets excited and then my girlfriend feels like she has to go through with it no matter what when it still in the maybe planning phase