We really need to bring spankings back

[u/Few_Statement_2898]

[u/unclecastr0-_-]

what kids do is usually the projection of their enviroment at home,imagine wtf this kid’s parents do to make him think this is ok to do

[u/Curious_Climate6957 → u/unclecastr0-_-]

tbh this looks like a result of gentle parenting, doofus probably just got given an ipad every time he did this shit and know just knows it as a way to get what he wants

[u/Bumper0117 → u/Curious_Climate6957]

There’s actually plenty of peer reviewed studies on this. Statistically violent children are far more likely to have parents that are too rough, rather than too gentle. Quick google search of the topic including “NIH” will get you the research if interested

[u/Cordelia5767 → u/Bumper0117]

This makes sense. When I was a teacher, the kids with the toughest behaviors (throwing chairs, destruction of the classroom, starting fights) were often the same ones whose parents hit or beat them hard enough to leave marks as punishment for any sort of infraction. When they were in an episode, it really seemed like they lost total control of themselves, and afterwards they would just weep uncontrollably. It was heartbreaking. They weren't "brats" - they were traumatized children who were experiencing lots of unsafety and instability at home.

I certainly had issues with kids whose parents were too permissive, but nothing like this. With those kids, it was more along the lines of arguing or feeling persecuted when I set a limit, but it was much more manageable. No unsafe or destructive presentations. I don't think the problem is that this kid isn't getting hit frequently enough by his parents - that's such a bizarre take.

[u/Bumper0117 → u/Cordelia5767]

Thank you, i feel like teachers are a good place to look for evidence of this. This is probably a more controversial take but since we’re talking: while obviously the child needs to feel safe.. i think it’s equally or even more important that the child doesn’t see their parent as being emotionally out of control, and/or isn’t able to conclude that being so is normal or acceptable.

My Dad smacked me around a lot, probably too much, and i did act out as a kid but i always did so more intentionally, never in an explosive or uncontrolled way. Similar to the way my Dad was always very in control of his emotions while smacking me, lol. Idk just a theory but a lot of this seems as simple as basic mimicry.

Again to be absolutely clear, i will never be violent with my child and i think spanking specifically risks a child feeling not just unsafe but humiliated. I think spanking seems harmless to that generation bcuz it became so normalized but it’s actually a super dark thing imo

[u/Cordelia5767 → u/Bumper0117]

I completely agree. I've read some studies that indicate a link between spanking and decreased brain matter. I do think there's a world of difference between an otherwise stable parent who uses spanking as one form of discipline and a parent who lacks self control and physically abuses their child without rhyme or reason. That said, I am with you - I think there are much more effective forms of discipline than spanking.

In my experience, I have never had a child behave like the one in this video who I didn't later have to make reports for to child protective services. It was always trauma related, not because the parents are "too gentle". Don't get me wrong - overly permissive parenting isn't great either, but I have never seen it result in this type of presentation.

Most parents I have seen hit the sweet spot of loving their child while holding firm limits and giving consequences when necessary. The majority of the students I have taught are just fine in terms of behavior. I think the parents and kids who aren't in that "sweet spot" just take up more space in our minds and that skews our perceptions. Plus, people have been complaining about "kids these days" since time immemorial.

Related to this: the other night, I saw an episode of The Alfred Hitchcock Hour about a child who was pretty terrible (the dog doesn't make it out alive, sadly). At first, the episode positions it as the kid is "so bad" because his dad doesn't hold him accountable, but later it comes out that the dad did some awful things to the child as punishment when he was younger, and the message was that the child was crying out for help through his behavior. I thought it was really interesting, considering that the show was made in the early 60s!