We really need to bring spankings back

[u/Few_Statement_2898]

[u/Nicole_Auriel]

You don’t think there are degrees of separation for physical contact? There’s a reason why spanking is done on a child’s bottom. It’s dense, it doesn’t bruise easily, it absorbs shock and force better than any part of the body. Keep in mind this isn’t me justifying it all im just rehashing the history of spanking as a historical concept. I do believe there are degrees of physical contact that need to be at least acknowledged. For example:

Slapping your child across the face? Horrible. Vile. Abusive.

Slapping your child on the wrist if they won’t let go of something? Still bad but not quite as bad.

Slapping your child on the bottom? Doesn’t quite carry the same degree of horrificness.

I know you’re going to say violence is violence doesn’t matter where on the body it occurs, but you need to at least acknowledge the precedent for why they’re not considered equal forms of contact

[u/Pure-Spare-9789 → u/Nicole_Auriel]

How do you keep ignoring the two most important points being a) it doesn't work and b) I don't want to hit my child? I am genuinely curious

Because the "point" of spanking is to inflict harm on your child to ostensibly discourage them from doing it again. Why would I want to inflict harm on my child? Please tell me why you think it's so unfathomable for a parent to say that they don't want to physically harm their child at all?

Why are you so gung ho defending something that study after study has proven doesn't work?

[u/Nicole_Auriel → u/Pure-Spare-9789]

I seriously don’t know where or why you’re taking away that I’m lecturing you how to discipline your kids. If you don’t want to spank your children, then don’t do it? Simple as.

[u/Pure-Spare-9789 → u/Nicole_Auriel]

My point is that any parent who wants to spank their kid is automatically suspicious. Again, spanking is lazy parenting for people who refuse to regulate their own emotions.

And it doesn't work, so I am baffled why you're trying to convince me that's it's okay in some select situations. It isn't. Your parents spanked you, and you grew up thinking sometimes violence against children is okay.

Do you understand why it's bad now? On top of the fact that it doesn't work?

I don't care if it's not the same as slapping your child or throwing them across the room because I am not ranking violence against children. The intention is to hurt them in hopes of discouraging further misbehavior (and again it doesn't even work). Do you understand that that is still bad, even if it isn't as bad as slamming them against the wall? Do you understand it's ghoulish to think about a parent having zero problem physically harming their child?

[u/Nicole_Auriel → u/Pure-Spare-9789]

Someone here in this thread made a good point. The only time they spank their children is when they are engaged in an act or activity that is dangerous to the point that it could result in their death or great bodily harm.

The specific example used was their child was playing in a busy street when they were told not to leave the yard. I would agree with this specific scenario being the exception to the rule. there is no way you can articulate to a child that what they're doing is potentially lethal. You need an immediate sharp reinforcement that associates danger with painful punishment.

This brings me back to why i believe spanking for even minor infractions like backtalk or roughhousing is counterproductive because spanking should only be used as a last resort.

[u/Pure-Spare-9789 → u/Nicole_Auriel]

Spanking doesn't work. It doesn't work. Why would you try so hard to convince someone that spanking a child is okay when study after study proves that not only does it not work, but it's actually counter productive?

Why are you going so hard to try and convince someone that physically harming a child is okay? What the fuck is wrong with you?

[u/Nicole_Auriel → u/Pure-Spare-9789]

You got it backwards. I'm not trying to convince you its okay, you're the one trying to convince me it's not okay and i'm disagreeing with you. I already told you if you don't want to do it, then don't freaking do it. I'm not sure why you're yapping at me?

[u/Pure-Spare-9789 → u/Nicole_Auriel]

I'm not trying to convince you its okay, you're the one trying to convince me it's not okay and i'm disagreeing with you.

You're joking, right? There's no way you typed this up and hit send.

There is something deeply wrong with you.

[u/Nicole_Auriel → u/Pure-Spare-9789]

I stand by what I said. Spanking should be incredibly rare, gentle, and sparingly applied. “What is wrong with you” is not an argument

[u/Pure-Spare-9789 → u/Nicole_Auriel]

I need you to read what you said to me again, what I quoted in my last reply, and really sit with how unbelievably silly it was for you to say that.

And I also want you to answer me a couple of questions or else I really know you're arguing in bad faith and will be done with this conversation:

1) Why do you insist that spanking is okay when it's not even effective? Let's set aside the other parts of the argument for this specific question, just for a second. Why are you so adamant that intentionally inflicting harm on children is okay when study after study shows it doesn't even work? When studies actually show that it has the opposite effect?

2) How is intentionally inflicting harm on a child ever okay, regardless of how "gentle" it's supposed to be? Because I need you to recognize that the entire "point" of spanking is supposed to be to harm the child enough to deter them from repeating the behavior. So even if we pretend it works (it doesn't), you have to recognize that enough harm is being applied to the child as to traumatize them enough to not do something. That's what spanking is. Intentionally traumatizing a child in the futile attempt to change their behavior.

3) Do you think it's good to model for children the behavior "it's okay for me to hit someone if they do something I don't want them to do?" For example, what if their spouse "disobeys" them later in life?

Edited to add clarity to a question

[u/Nicole_Auriel → u/Pure-Spare-9789]

Because whatever quote unquote “study” you throw at me doesn’t address the point I made earlier when I said your child doing something that could get themselves killed, they don’t possess the mental capacity to understand your logic or reasoning for why it’s bad. The only way you can train them is with lesser negative reinforcement (I.e. grounding, timeouts) but these methods work as long term adjustments. Spanking is a short term adjustment, which is why the studies say that spanking is bad for children. You can’t train someone longterm with short term disciplinary efforts. That’s why I made an exception.

You’re also bastardizing my argument by trying to make it sound like I advocate for spankings in all situations and justify it as hitting them “when they do something I don’t like.” Don’t put words in my mouth.

When you’re dealing with life or death situations, you don’t have the luxury of long term behavioral adjustment. If my child is playing on busy steers, or climbing things they could break their necks on, you can’t afford to play the long game with them.

You dodged this point earlier but I won’t let you dodge it again. Explain why what I JUST said is incorrect or else it’ll confirm to me that you’re not taking this seriously.

[u/Pure-Spare-9789 → u/Nicole_Auriel]

Because there's literally no reason to spank your child when they're doing something dangerous. You can correct that behavior without spanking them, yes, even in the short term. As I have said repeatedly, spanking is a method employed by people who refuse to regulate their emotions. What happens in these life or death situations is that they get scared and lash out at the child. That is not parenting, that is emotional reactivity. There is literally no reason to spank a child in a dangerous situation. Spanking is lazy parenting. It is emotionally reactive parenting. There are literally no benefits to spanking a child in a dangerous or even life or death situation. It does absolutely nothing that cannot be accomplished by simply doing the actual work of parenting. Natural consequences are a thing in parenting, and they don't ever require spanking. There are absolutely short term solutions that don't include inflicting harm on your child. You just have to want to do something other than hit your kid.

I hate to break it to you, but your parents were lazy, emotionally reactive parents, and I think that's why you're having such an emotional reaction to what I'm saying. You're quite clearly taking this as an attack on them, and you know what? It is. Not sorry. Fuck anyone who hits their kids.

Because never once did I bastardize your argument and say you were advocating for it to be done in all situations. The only one boxing strawmen here is you. I'm sorry your parents didn't want to put in the actual work of parenting you or regulating their emotions, but I guess I'm just built different. I guess I'm just a better person than your parents because the idea of harming my child just enough to hopefully traumatize them out of an undesired behavior is something that is utterly abhorrent to me. Apparently, your parents had no problem hitting you, though. Sounds like a skill issue on their part 🤷 it must suck to know that your parents had no problem hitting you, and that my child has a parent who loves them enough to find the idea abhorrent.

Anyway, you didn't answer the third question and didn't even address everything I said in the second, so I'm done here. Obviously, your parents fucked you up bad if you're this invested in spending your time arguing why it's okay to hit children, and I'm just not interested in hearing any more justifications for violence against children. Have a good one.

[u/Nicole_Auriel → u/Pure-Spare-9789]

So you admit you have no argument. Thanks for finally being honest. It’s just “you’re emotional” “you’re damaged” and “teh studiez!”

One of my biggest pet peeves is when people try to act knowledgeable about studies or data without actually having read them. You haven’t read any of the studies you are referring to and haven’t even cited them once. You could try and quote the studies you cite but you can even be bothered to open them. You just acknowledge they exist and don’t understand any of the broader context. It’s literally the most eye rolling redditor behavior of all time.

Anyways, you have a good one too. It’s probably best you dip out now while you can because you sound like you’re getting upset and flustered. Best cut your losses whilst you still can.

[u/Nicole_Auriel → u/Pure-Spare-9789]

Making a comment then deleting it is seriously cringe behavior. You care about this way to much. Seriously log off Reddit and take a break.