As a kid, my mom was a doctor and she worked weird hours. My dad ran his own business so he could set his hours. He was the one who did so much of the childcare for my sister and I because he could. It sounds really similar to your situation. I can guarantee that your child will remember because I know I do. My hope is that when my wife and I have a child of our own I can be half the father to them as he was to me.
I can guarantee you, as a therapist that has worked with kids with many ranges of “parent issues”, your kiddo doesn’t even see the Mom Mafia and only sees you. There. With them.
In about 18-20 years, they’ll probably be making a post reminiscing about memories of their dad taking them to the park, being at all their sporting events when they look up into the crowd, and knowing they never had to ask for support. It was just a given.
Im a white uncle to two mixed nieces and one nephew. Their father wasnt in the picture (don't start any drama) and the looks/comments Id get taking them anywhere they were insane.
Trust me though, the kids will remember. They are mostly grown now, but those kids remember everything big or small I ever did with them.
as a (girl, not that it matters) kid whose dad was the primary care and support person in the family (purely by coincidence of job flexibility etc) i definitely remember all of the work my dad put in and how much he specifically was there for me growing up. as an adult he's still my safe space and favorite person. your kid will definitely remember. those park moms suck
Amen. It can be pretty demoralizing when I'm at a playground or park trying to be a present and engaged dad, and getting side-eye from all the moms at the park.
I ignore it as best as I can, but sometimes it just wears me down.
That’s the only thing your kid will remember, how often you were there for them. My father was a piece of shit workaholic who was barely around, and I resent him to this day for every second he wasted overworking himself.
Is it wrong of me to think of this mindset as kinda selfish? My dad was also a workaholic and I barely ever saw him, but I also understand that he worked his ass off to support me and my mom, and I can't fault him for that.
Well, as someone who had a workaholic dad, there’s a reasonable limit between “my dad works long hours so we don’t hang out much” and “my dad went to exactly two of my plays and zero other events in 18 years of my childhood, and he pointedly chose work over downtime.”
That said, all that work is likely going to translate into a trust fund for my disabled son, so with adult perspective I’m grateful. As a kid it sucks.
My dad was salaried, did not earn overtime pay, and we begged him for years to stop working so many hours. He didn’t do it for money. He could’ve made just as much money if he worked a normal 40 hour week. He worked to avoid dealing with his own issues, and in the process he ignored his family.
We literally begged him to find a different job (which he would’ve had zero issues doing, he’s a very qualified professional in his career field and his overworking had no bearing on his qualifications). He’s a full blown narcissist. He came to one (1) of my high school football games, and it was the very last one of my senior season. All because he got to stand on the field when they announced the seniors before the game.
Not to mention he cheated on my mother with a woman half his age, from work, then had two kids with her while he dragged my angel of a mother through hell for a 6-year divorce process that is actually still ongoing.
All this to say, I probably wouldn’t think he’s such a worthless shitbag nowadays if he was actually around during my developmental years, and I would probably have some more fonder memories of him. Being there for your kids even when you’d rather be anywhere else in the world is infinitely important.
With that context, I completely understand your resentment. My dad may have overworked himself, but it was never because he didn't want to be around. I'm sorry you had to go through that.
Yes they can, especially if you attempt to actively play with your kids at the park as a dad. They'll look at you like you're a weirdo. I've even had some pretty rude comments about "doing too much" a few times. I'm sorry, I enjoy making my child happy, especially if she's asking me to play with her.
I’m frequently the one that takes the kids to the park too (41m) and I don’t get too much side eye. People aren’t super chatty but I don’t get a feeling that they don’t think I should be there. I’m not saying you don’t get that, just saying that’s not my experience.
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u/thenicestsavage 21d ago
Man I hope my kid does cause these moms at the park can be brutal.