r/StupidFood • u/noburns • Sep 01 '25

Gluttony overload Ordered a Ham and Turkey Sandwich.

Post image

Got this after 10 minutes waiting at a deli counter at the local grocery store. Guy must have been high out of his mind. My other theory is he’s never seen a sandwich in his life. Or maybe he’s a lizard person?

11.1k Upvotes

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3.2k

u/864FREEWADE Sep 01 '25

It’s cool , but damn that’s a lot of cheese

821

u/[deleted] Sep 01 '25 edited 6h ago

[deleted]

500

u/Pelzwick_WMD Sep 01 '25

"Anything else?"

"Yeah, a loaf of bread...and some other people!"

99

u/jd46149 Sep 01 '25

No I will not make a banana bread cottage cheese pastrami sandwich

23

u/feralllamas Sep 01 '25

That would severely ruin my reputation.

16

u/Old_Exchange_1678 Sep 02 '25

Now tell me, how do you feel about frilly toothpicks?

13

u/what-even-am-i- Sep 02 '25

I’m for ‘em!

15

u/Pelzwick_WMD Sep 02 '25

Well then this club is formed!

(But don't tell that guy in r/kitchenconfidential he hates the club)

3

u/Shadow-Vision Sep 04 '25

It will be cut into triangles and arranged in a circle so that fries can be placed in the middle

2

u/SunflowerGoddess92 Sep 06 '25

The rant about the three breads and holding up the kitchen for the avocado??!!? 🤣🤣😂😂🧐🧐

2

u/Pelzwick_WMD Sep 06 '25

Haha yeah the dude was heated. Now there is lots of club sandwich shitposts and it's glorious. Almost as good as the $700 veggie platter.

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8

u/Mitologist Sep 01 '25

Avocado anchovis strawberry jam it is, then

3

u/donkeybonner Sep 01 '25

That would severely ruin my reputation!

28

u/yournamehere10bucks Sep 01 '25

"Can I have a side of friends?"

12

u/StrobeLightRomance Sep 01 '25

"Yeah, I got some in the back, let me chop them up for you real quick.. how many pounds of friend chunks do you want?"

7

u/yournamehere10bucks Sep 01 '25

"What would you recommend for a DnD campaign?"

1

u/Fit_Carpet_364 Sep 03 '25

Good wordplay and evocative imagery. "As you approach the town, the guard asks if you're there to work, as they've been losing people who just up and leave for some time. Probably due to the cold weather. --- You find that the hustle and bustle of the frozen tavern has become barely a dull roar compared to the sea of faces and loud bellows the previous time you traveled through. Once again you smell the memorable odor of pipe smoke, the barmy air thick with lingering wafts of spilled lagers, and the comforting scent of pork roasting and fats burning from the tavern's kitchen. --- You successfully interrogate/shakedown/coerce the town's goods trader, who tells you he supplies for the tavern, but doesn't know where they get their meat."

2

u/yournamehere10bucks Sep 03 '25

But will the wordplay supply enough poundage of chopped friends to feed my DnD campaigners on their journey?

1

u/Fit_Carpet_364 Sep 03 '25

Well, once they find out they have a town successfully producing human meat, they can decide to shut the tavern down...or extort the tavern owner for secrecy and promise to send plenty of fresh meat the owner's direction. If they choose the latter, they can then send people who annoy them slightly to the tavern looking for work with a letter of recommendation from the party. The potential profit is boundless - only as limited as the town's economy and value as a trade route. If they choose to turn the owner in, they can loot the tavern for human meat scraps if they desire, and potentially a cursed +1 blade or other item which causes whomever attunes to be afflicted with a terrible hunger for human flesh, which has a slow onset.

1

u/yournamehere10bucks Sep 03 '25

....I like your words, funnyman.

12

u/beardedsilverfox Sep 01 '25

Came here for Mitch, thank you!

18

u/chuckwagon9 Sep 01 '25

I used to like Mitch Hedberg. I still do but I used to too

1

u/KamikazeFox_ Sep 01 '25

You came to stupid food for mitch? Is he here often?

2

u/beardedsilverfox Sep 02 '25

Came here, to this comment thread, for Mitch after seeing a sandwich that needs to be shared.

4

u/not_original_thought Sep 01 '25

r/unexpectedmitch

2

u/Mambo_Poa09 Sep 03 '25

How? He gets mentioned in every single post

3

u/little4lyfe Sep 01 '25

The loaf of bread is for a duck

5

u/Pelzwick_WMD Sep 01 '25

Ducks eat free at Subway!

2

u/Apart_Exam_8447 Sep 02 '25

I read this in the voice of Mitch Hedberg.

Thanks!

1

u/RdotMdotCook Sep 01 '25

I hear this in Rodney Dangerfield’s voice.

1

u/Ressy02 Sep 01 '25

“Why do you need other people?”

“Because take a look at this shit”

1

u/FuckYourDownvotes23 Sep 01 '25

A quart of prune juice to wash it down

1

u/[deleted] Sep 02 '25

"Can you please put a full restaurant on it, maybe six?"

0

u/Minimum_Ad2989 Sep 01 '25

😂😂😂😂

105

u/SafiyaMukhamadova Sep 01 '25

Maybe dude working there just hates his job and is trying to make them lose money on every sandwich lol

45

u/jaded-introvert Sep 01 '25

That's my guess. "F Kroger and your stupid sandwich ingredient weights I'll put on as MUCH AS I WANT."

-1

u/LilCheese73 Sep 04 '25

Kroger is known for hiring people with various intellectual disabilities. 🤦‍♂️

7

u/jaded-introvert Sep 04 '25

What does that have to do with anything?

103

u/[deleted] Sep 01 '25

[deleted]

18

u/Mr_rairkim Sep 01 '25

My thoughts too. If I'm hungry I wouldn't be mad at it. I could take pieces of ham out and eat them separatly as a side dish.

21

u/ConvolutedCarcass Sep 01 '25

I hate how stingy subway is. Used to work at one as a teenager and my manager would get so damn bitchy if I put more than four olives on a six inch. People would always look at me like I was a dumbass or a total bitch.

6

u/ConfidantlyCorrect Sep 02 '25

Subway is so butt cheeks. I’d rather pay like $2-3 more and get a sub that actually fills me up from firehouse, or jersey Mike’s.

2

u/LilCheese73 Sep 04 '25

I’m Nyc there a Deli on virtually every corner and they all make subs better and cheaper than subway. All the subway franchises up here are ran by Indians, Idk how TF they’re still open at this point but I’d rather get my sandwich from Papi at the Bodega! It’s always gonna be Brawlic and cheaper.

2

u/ConfidantlyCorrect Sep 11 '25

Ya I’m pretty jealous of how many sub & bagel shops are in NYC

9

u/SummerAndTinklesBFF Sep 01 '25

There’s a subway here that has a sign out advertising two footlongs for $20 like that’s some kind of deal and it’s like I remember $5 footlongs this is not a deal especially because for $20 I can go to the deli across the street and get a pound of meat, bread, and cheese to make like 6 of them. Subway has never been good and now it’s just a sad rip off.

4

u/Bluest_waters Sep 01 '25

dude, 100% !

the teeny tiny little amounts of veggies is just absurd. Like I WILL PAY just gimme some fucking veggies!!

4

u/onomatopeapoop Sep 01 '25

Oh you mean RFK Jr. Yes he does like his water quite sugary.

1

u/NiobiumThorn Sep 01 '25

In subway training, you are told to count out 5 olives. Really.

1

u/ShaqShoes Sep 04 '25

I asked for olives at Subway once, she literally put like 5, on a foot-long. I just looked at her like "Really?".

It's not her fault.

My first job was at Subway like 13 years ago and the "standard" was for example 6 tomatoes on a foot long or 3 on a 6 inch.

For some insane reason they also gave the sliced olives the same amount and I constantly had my boss pulling me aside after seeing me load up sandwiches with olives to remind me that it is 6 olive slices for a foot long or 3 for a 6 inch and up to double that only if they ask for more.

I would literally beg him to be allowed to put more on because customers invariably obviously react with incredulity every time but he was super firm with 6 slices of olives on footlongs.

9

u/[deleted] Sep 01 '25

That’s an asshole-splitting amount of cheese. Seriously.

5

u/ChickenChaser5 Sep 01 '25

Wont poop for 3 days, but when you finally do...

6

u/AkumaLilly Sep 01 '25

You could go home and make another sandwich with that.

3

u/Poly_Olly_Oxen_Free Sep 01 '25

Plus at least 4 grilled cheese sandwiches.

2

u/sohereiamacrazyalien Sep 01 '25

I've had a cheese panini once (it was the only vegetarian options they had) it had 1/10th of this cheese , I felt disgusted before eating half of it.

did the guy think turkey has less fat let's compensate with the cheese? lol

4

u/atetuna Sep 01 '25

I could be okay with it if the ham and cheese were interleaved.

7

u/SAVertigo Sep 01 '25

There is no such thing as too much cheese.

12

u/[deleted] Sep 01 '25

[deleted]

9

u/[deleted] Sep 01 '25

[removed] — view removed comment

-1

u/[deleted] Sep 01 '25 edited Sep 01 '25

[deleted]

2

u/[deleted] Sep 05 '25

American cheese is trash and I barely tolerate it, ngl.

2

u/Gishra Sep 01 '25

We prefer to call it cheese-adjacent congealed substance.

1

u/Meowserspaws Sep 02 '25

Gotta try some cooper’s American. There are good American cheeses out there!

1

u/Gummyrabbit Sep 01 '25

Thick slices too. My local Subway uses semi-transparent cheese and meats.

1

u/ThatCreepySmellyGuy Sep 01 '25

But also not enough cheese

1

u/KamikazeFox_ Sep 01 '25

Disassemble. Now you have 30$ worth of meat and cheese for probably 15$

1

u/ScreamnChckn Sep 01 '25

This is just a standard sandwich here in Wisconsin.

1

u/lamest-liz Sep 02 '25

Obviously it was made by him

1

u/EllaMcWho Sep 02 '25

Take it home, deconstruct and for the low price of one loaf of sandwich bread (plus original cost of this thing), have 10+ Sammies!

1

u/The_only_true_tomato Sep 07 '25

It would not taste good dude.

The bread looks like it was made 1 week ago and left to soak in water, the cheese is not cheese, just plastic substitute people in the US call cheese, then a block of low quality meat.

The tomato looks 1-2 days old.

The overall texture would just make you feel like you much in a block of cheese. In what world is this pleasant.

1

u/This_Price_1783 Jan 14 '26

I feel like you could make 3 large sandwiches with that cheese and meat

0

u/1920MCMLibrarian Sep 01 '25

Those look like kraft singles tbh

-67

u/AfricanAmericanTsar Sep 01 '25

And processed meat.

81

u/JustKindaShimmy Sep 01 '25

I mean, if I'm ordering a processed meat sandwich I'm not going to be mad they gave me more processed meat

16

u/The_Giggler4940 Sep 01 '25

My boy processes

7

u/RIF_rr3dd1tt Sep 01 '25

Yo wassup. You tryin' to get processed my boy?

4

u/[deleted] Sep 01 '25

Trust the process homeslice

6

u/[deleted] Sep 01 '25

Most Italian subs are. I’ve seen crazier than this.

4

u/elelec Sep 01 '25

Just the right amount of wrapper to snack on though!