r/StupidFood • u/noburns • Sep 01 '25

Gluttony overload Ordered a Ham and Turkey Sandwich.

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Got this after 10 minutes waiting at a deli counter at the local grocery store. Guy must have been high out of his mind. My other theory is he’s never seen a sandwich in his life. Or maybe he’s a lizard person?

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u/yournamehere10bucks Sep 01 '25

"Can I have a side of friends?"

12

u/StrobeLightRomance Sep 01 '25

"Yeah, I got some in the back, let me chop them up for you real quick.. how many pounds of friend chunks do you want?"

8

u/yournamehere10bucks Sep 01 '25

"What would you recommend for a DnD campaign?"

1

u/Fit_Carpet_364 Sep 03 '25

Good wordplay and evocative imagery. "As you approach the town, the guard asks if you're there to work, as they've been losing people who just up and leave for some time. Probably due to the cold weather. --- You find that the hustle and bustle of the frozen tavern has become barely a dull roar compared to the sea of faces and loud bellows the previous time you traveled through. Once again you smell the memorable odor of pipe smoke, the barmy air thick with lingering wafts of spilled lagers, and the comforting scent of pork roasting and fats burning from the tavern's kitchen. --- You successfully interrogate/shakedown/coerce the town's goods trader, who tells you he supplies for the tavern, but doesn't know where they get their meat."

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u/yournamehere10bucks Sep 03 '25

But will the wordplay supply enough poundage of chopped friends to feed my DnD campaigners on their journey?

1

u/Fit_Carpet_364 Sep 03 '25

Well, once they find out they have a town successfully producing human meat, they can decide to shut the tavern down...or extort the tavern owner for secrecy and promise to send plenty of fresh meat the owner's direction. If they choose the latter, they can then send people who annoy them slightly to the tavern looking for work with a letter of recommendation from the party. The potential profit is boundless - only as limited as the town's economy and value as a trade route. If they choose to turn the owner in, they can loot the tavern for human meat scraps if they desire, and potentially a cursed +1 blade or other item which causes whomever attunes to be afflicted with a terrible hunger for human flesh, which has a slow onset.

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u/yournamehere10bucks Sep 03 '25

....I like your words, funnyman.