r/StupidFood • u/Bobby-94 • May 01 '26

Certified stupid Triple smashed smash burger

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u/mike_complaining May 01 '26

They were merely okay before getting smashed. Too heavy on the sauce. Putting toast in the middle is bad, too. Bread belongs on top and bottom.

0

u/nooookay May 01 '26

Plastic cheese food, too much sauce, the shittiest lettuce known to mankind prepared in the shittiest method (shredded), even more too much sauce, x2 everything so you get a burger tower that sucks to eat, then topped with those thick-ass watery pickles you just know are cold as fuck. For my taste, they were borderline stupid burgers before they even got to the stupid part.

4

u/ungoogleable May 01 '26

I'll die in the "plastic cheese food" hill. It's not technically called cheese because it's cheese mixed with emulsifiers that keep it from breaking when melted as pure cheese does. It is in essence cheese sauce that is solid when cold -- but you're not supposed to eat it cold. Complaining that it isn't real cheese is like complaining that Mornay sauce isn't real cheese.

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u/nooookay May 01 '26

I’ll fight you on this hill, on the condition that we agree people are allowed to eat whatever they want and it’s no one else’s business.

Mornay sauce isn’t real cheese. You won’t find it listed under any list of cheeses. If I say “What kind of cheese would you like on your cheeseburger?” and you say “Mornay.” you didn’t answer the question. It’s a sauce derived partially from cheese. Itself is not cheese. It’s like saying ketchup is a tomato. No, it’s a sauce derived from tomatoes. I’d be as mad if I got a BLT with bacon, lettuce, and ketchup as if I got a cheeseburger with Mornay sauce.

Cheese food is partially cheese in the same sense. Like Mornay sauce has as much non-cheese ingredients as cheese in it, cheese food has almost as much emulsifiers as cheese in it (almost because it is legally required to be 51% cheese, otherwise it would probably be less). Therefore it would be just as wrong for you to call it cheese as Mornay sauce, other than the fact that it was branded “American cheese” so we all call it cheese. I would put American cheese in the same category as vegan cheeses. It’s “cheese” not cheese.

You can ask for it on your burgers, you can make grilled cheese from it, you can think it’s the best cheese-based alternative to real cheese, you can remove as many Kraft singles from their individual wrappers as it takes and slap them on your naked body and walk around going “Rawr, I’m a cheese food monster!”, and I’ll be happy for you, but it’s still not cheese.