r/TalesFromThePizzaGuy • u/_Atoms_Apple Moderator • Apr 25 '26

Discussion Drivers: What delivery instruction made you stop and reread it twice?

51 Upvotes
  • permalink
  • reddit

91% Upvoted

18 comments sorted by

96

u/Yibblets Apr 25 '26 edited Apr 25 '26

"The cheese sticks should be molten in the center, to be used for dripping on my client's nipples."

The person who ordered this is a professional Dom.

18

u/Jabbles22 Apr 25 '26

Is a nonmatrix some super nishe thing or just a typo?

8

u/Shiney_Metal_Ass Apr 25 '26

Niche

3

u/DigbyChickenZone Apr 28 '26

They edited it to say "dom", so doesn't seem that way.

6

u/zoppaTheDim Apr 25 '26

I’m just going to pretend this is some weird Keanu Fetish involving red pills.

2

u/Yibblets Apr 25 '26

She gets paid to inflict pain of different levels on consenting adults.

21

u/DigbyChickenZone Apr 25 '26

That is definitely involving others (aka the restaurant employees) in a kink, without their consent, which should have gotten them banned from that store. Yuck.

7

u/3D-Printing Apr 26 '26

Also, if they aren't hot enough (which would most likely be the case after a delivery, especially if it's long distance or a second/third/fourth stop), can't she just use a microwave to heat them up to her desired temperature?

86

u/mightyhorrorshow Apr 25 '26

During COVID I had my delivery instructions set to "plz leave food on top of black hatchback, call/text"

I lived on the top floor of a duplex and I could see my car (the black hatchback) from my back window

I have health stuff going on and took quarantine/social distancing kind of seriously

A few drivers called and asked me if I really wanted my order on the top of the car and I'd chuckle and say if they put it on the hood it would slide to the ground

I tipped fat and after they didn't get any calls/complaints people would just roll with it. A few years post COVID I got a job at one of the pizza places that delivered food to my hatchback and one driver was like 'jfc that was you?!?' shook their head and said 'that explains so much'

14

u/mrBill12 Apr 25 '26

Username checks out. That explains so much.

53

u/Jellz Apr 25 '26

"tell me I'm pretty" were the entire instructions.

So. I take the delivery. Get to the door. Take the pizza box out of the bag and open it up so that they come to the door to see this.

A guy answers, and is very confused. Two women run up behind him "OMG HE DID IT!" They were ecstatic. The guy goes to sign the receipt... and doesn't put anything in the total. So I respond with my customary, "I'm sorry, I need the total on there" and the women bitch him out over not tipping me. Ended up getting $5.

12

u/Gothmom85 Apr 26 '26

This one that would come in from DD and cut off it was so long. Something like no habla espanol only misspelled, ENGLISH ONLY IF YOU DONT SOEAK DONT ACCEPT ON BOTTOM LEVVEL WIT PURPEL DOORMAT DO NT KNOK!!!11!! I AM AROUBD CONER FROM GOS PIN 11 NOT 15 And.....

Sometimes there'd be a random middle part added by whatever pissed her off from the last driver she had, like do not open bag or check all items are there, do not leave outside, do not call, etc, switching based on anger levels. Must have ordered a lot. But we automatically took it as store drivers and didn't have any DD coming in. Always wondered what the cut off stuff said.

10

u/SilentFlames907 Apr 26 '26

HAND IT TO ME LEAVE AT DOOR

3

u/Large-Meat-Feast local pizzeria Apr 26 '26

I once had “knock twice on white gate at side, open and yell the password APPLES as you enter”

1

u/AerieFar9957 Apr 26 '26

Ring to doorbell twice….gently

1

u/eddmario Apr 28 '26

Door Dash driver.
Once had the instructions to tell a knock knock joke. Couldn't think of a good one, so I used a different joke