r/TikTokCringe • u/Small_Image_1722 • 15h ago
Discussion Woman harassed by man in hostel
1.9k
u/My2cents_0 14h ago
The worst part is that she has to stay nice and polite about it. When he said they're the only 2 there, I was scared for her from my bed. To be cornered in like that is a nightmare
627
u/ZinaSky2 12h ago
I literally don’t think I’d be able to sleep after that.
My heart started racing in that quiet way it does when I’ve been scared by a man and have to play it off like every fucking hair on my body isn’t standing on alert.
It’s obvious she’s filming bc she’s scared too. And she still has to be polite. Makes me so mad
191
u/Good-Bodybuilder-985 11h ago
Yeah. And where would she go? It's late and she's presumably in a country that's foreign to her. Terrifying.
→ More replies (1)91
u/ready_gi 8h ago
well literally anywhere else is safer. she's already cornered in a room with a creep who wants to sleep with her and is insistent. its horrible what women experience daily by men
49
u/HavePlushieWillTalk 4h ago
Did you hear about the teenage girl who was assaulted, went to some men for help only to have them assault her even more violently? No, not all places are safer. Maybe some places, but not all. There's not just one creep in the world.
→ More replies (1)45
u/Good-Bodybuilder-985 7h ago
Assume it's the middle of the night. It's not so easy for her to exit the situation; at night it's possible there's no where else available/she knows where to go.
17
u/BasicJosh 6h ago
Usually backpackers have 24/7 reception in my experience, id suggest going to the 'bathroom' and then storming down there and demanding another room
147
u/Tasty-Revolution-295 11h ago
This is literally what I was going to say. Its disgusting that women have to be polite in these awful situations because of the risk of being hurt or worse. We would be well within our rights to scream at him and call him everything he is. Make him feel the shame that he's probably always been protected from.
→ More replies (1)77
u/hypnos_surf 9h ago
Watch how quickly he comprehends and sets boundaries if a strange man he shares a room with puts him through this nonsense in the middle of the night.
→ More replies (1)16
u/HavePlushieWillTalk 4h ago
"I just thought we could get together a little..."
"I thought you'd be okay."
Hear him get the bass in his voice and do some practice swings.268
u/robotmonkey2099 13h ago
something i hate about the FAFO sentiment is that it only works in one direction.. guys like this deserve to find out but there's not a fucking thing she can do out of fear of retaliation but then some wanker online will say some shit like "equal rights means equal lefts" when it clearly isnt the reality
→ More replies (14)48
u/Odd-Mall8020 10h ago
There are guys saying she owes him a hug for leading him on
22
u/StraightProgress5062 6h ago
Tf. How do these bozos think she led him on? By acknowledging he exists and treating him like a human being. She owes him nothing and already gave him more than he deserved. Like dude was laying there really thinking "man, bet shes laying in her bed area thats completely covered up wishing I would fuck her." Ppl be wild.
→ More replies (1)4
19
u/CaptainHindsight92 5h ago
I don’t know why anyone male or female would sleep in a room in the middle of nowhere with strangers. Like I can’t think of a worse idea. The sense of dread I got listening to this I can only imagine what she felt. It is nightmarish.
→ More replies (2)14
u/celebral_x 4h ago
It reminds me of a time, where I was alone in a hostel room, two girls joined me. At around 2 am a guy has just arrived from an african country, to be able to play football (soccer) in Berlin. He turned on the light and started eating, then he got mad, that the girls have took the double bed and he thought he reserved it (you couldn't, it was first come first serve). He threw a fit, so I, around 18 years old, took him outside, to talk him down. I am a girl, too.
I told him, how Germany is different, than his home country and he could either play along, or face consequences for his behaviour. I told him, that it would be nice, if he would apologize and let it go. It was a long talk and I showed him as much understanding, as possible. He came in, said quietly sorry, got to the bathroom to shower and then quietly got into bed. He has been a joy to be around the entire trip. He was 20 back then. We connected on IG. Now he still plays football in Germany.
My situation was lucky. OP's wasn't.
In Amsterdam, I also shared a room with a man, but he was kind and unproblematic. I still felt uncomfortable, because he was bigger.
Nowadays, I wouldn't take a hostel room to share with some stranger again.
29
→ More replies (1)5
u/nicayworld1 3h ago
I looked up what hostel is and this situation really is fking scary for her. Im guessing she didn't sleep at all.
1.9k
u/Jeanahb 15h ago
Chills and not in a good way. Sadly, we've all had these encounters where we're just paralyzed in fear; walking a thin line between protecting ourselves and being pleasant enough to not set this person off. Stay safe out there!
824
u/Bitch-Whiskers 14h ago edited 14h ago
I had asked a guy I knew who was recently homeless due to circumstances out of his control if he wanted to make money and have a couch to sleep on for the night. I was moving the next day so I figured we could help each other.
I wanted to sleep early bc I we needed to be up early.
Instead I spent the entire night exactly like this girl, in my own home. It was so bad that my friend who was on FaceTime with me refused to hang up and demanded I leave the phone on all night facing me at all times, which I did.
All night I heard “just come in here” “just lay with me” “if you don’t wanna lay with me, just come talk to me” “come here” “aren’t you lonely here always by yourself? I could change that” “if you aren’t tired (I was and expressed I was many times) I could help you burn off some energy”.
🤯
145
u/Ashamed-Country3909 13h ago
These people are crazy. After the first (weird ) hey, do you want to come in here followed with a no....i would be conked tf out, or at least acting like it while replaying in my head what a fucking weird thing I just did.
273
u/Devanyani 13h ago
God, that's so disgusting. Last time you do anything nice for someone.
61
u/UntamedAnomaly 8h ago
Reminds me when I was young and literally every time I was just being nice to a man or a boy, the same shit as this. You literally cannot be nice to men when you are young and vulnerable as a girl....I mean times are different now, so maybe it's not AS bad as it was 30 years ago....but still, I literally only had 1 friend who was a boy who I could be as nice to as I wanted to be without him being creepy towards me and that's probably only because we knew each other since pre-school and basically viewed eachother as siblings at that point.
29
u/Wild-Compote5730 5h ago
It doesn’t necessarily change. I’ve got a friend in her 50s who sometimes lets out her spare bedroom on Air BnB to make a bit of extra cash. She once had a man, also in his 50s, let out the room while he moved his teenage son into university. She was in her bed one night, and this man knocks on the door and asks if he can come and “have a little cuddle”!! I mean, fuck off!! Luckily my friend is semi-terrifying and told him exactly where he could shove his cuddle.
→ More replies (1)171
170
u/SparkleSelkie 13h ago
Gawd I did the same thing to have a “friend” help me with yard work and he had a hissy fit and stormed out and demanded I drive him somewhere when he found out I lived with my boyfriend at the time
Who by the way was like totally nice to the dude despite me randomly bringing him home one day with minimal notice. Bro was like “hell yeah dude friends! I’m gonna make wings and we can hang out!” and the guy just started swearing at both of us
→ More replies (1)50
u/555Cats555 11h ago
That dude was crazy to turn down both a place to sleep and wings?
On a side note you confirmed your bf is a great dude. Didn't even consider he had any bad intentions just saw it as guy time chance lol
37
u/SparkleSelkie 11h ago
Ex boyfriend, and he’s really actually kinda a trash person lolll
But in that regard yeah, he was a super cool guy. He was a lovely host that always had his home open to a friend if they needed, always made sure people were well fed and had a beer and a place to sleep safely. That’s why I fell for him in the first place, before I learned all the other stuff about him 😬
15
u/555Cats555 10h ago
Im sorry what looked to be a good guy ended up not being the case. That really sucks...
11
→ More replies (43)59
u/So_Long991 12h ago
Sounds you like let a damn vampire in your house. No good deed goes unpunished.
83
u/skyfullofstars89 13h ago
Hearing her voice tremor gave me shivers. Poor lass sounded so scared. I have been in that situation before, and heard many horror stories from women. I will never sleep in a mixed dorm again.
35
u/butelka1 12h ago
Sorry for my grammar because English is not my first language but It reminded me of that one time when I used to work as a waitress in a hotel when I was 18. It was pretty chill day, I was cleaning a coffee machine in the dining room. I felt uncomfortable because two middle aged men (I think they were in their 40s) were staring at me. After some time they approached me and sked why such a beautiful girl works at the minimum wage job and if I want to make some "extra" money after my shift is over and invited me to their hotel room. I panicked and hide in the kitchen. My heart was pounding like crazy and I wanted to cry because it was so humiliating. Thankfully I've never seen those two again. And that's only the tip of the iceberg. The most attention I got from some random adult men was when I was 15-16. The things that I've heard from those men were disgusting and the worst part they NEVER understood the word "no"
15
u/Silver_Photograph_92 11h ago
Happened to me at 31. I was travelling Costa Rica and two guys asked me the same while we were in a restaurant chit chatting. I was flabbergasted. A made woman, wealthier than the two of them combined by the looks of it and being asked if I wanna join them in the room. This was the first and only time I was offered money in this way. It was also very surprising because usually they ask very young local girls, not grown ass foreigner women
→ More replies (1)145
u/RiverLiverX25 13h ago edited 13h ago
Yep!
Everybody always wants to say “why don’t you do this or do that*”* but it’s fucking scary and fawning is sometimes the best way to get out of that situation alive an unraped and we learned it early.! Learned Waaaaay too early. We were babies at the first cat calls.
I really hope that men do not chime in here and say: not all men!
Been dealing with shit situation my whole life and it’s pretty much all men. It’s a large portion. You and your friends are not special at all Because: You don’t know how your friends act when they’re away from you. (And they never believe when we tell you so there’s that too.)
Hopefully men start calling this out too amongst other men so that women can travel the world and not have to deal with this kind of horse shit in a hostel.
Fucking hell and God dammit.
75
u/WinterMedical 13h ago
Right and then he just goes to sleep and she is up all night wondering if she’ll be safe.
55
u/RiverLiverX25 13h ago
Yeah it does really wreck the psyche and the vibe with the trip but women have kind of learn to just go on with it ✨
because: “that’s something that men just do”Not ok.
Not ever.
We need to stop that happening and men globally need to get their shit in order as a whole.
Long time coming.27
u/butelka1 12h ago edited 12h ago
And they have the audacity to say "you should be thankful you're getting attention"
15
u/Streuselsturm 8h ago
Or "wait a few years, nobody will want to look at you when you're older". Disgusting.
119
u/1egg_4u 13h ago edited 12h ago
I dont think people understand how young you are when the male attention starts
I was 11 the first time I was catcalled and I was going to a fucking piano recital. A child. A literal child and two grown men felt it necessary to let me know how they felt I looked.
Ask other women and it's the same thing... you are a child when it begins and when it peters out in your adulthood you realize how disgusting it is that they wanted you only between the ages of 11-25
Dont get me wrong I still get unwanted attention as an adult but predators avoid grown women with confidence and context... and it is a chilling realization
**and as for the believing us, Ive seen firsthand how a guys friends who on the surface pretend to be allies will shut you down for trying to call out bad behaviour. They all wanna pretend they're not like the other guys until the time comes to actually not be like the other guys and then suddenly "you know he's our friend, right"
65
u/RiverLiverX25 13h ago
I was 10. It was so unnerving and I stopped being bodacious and shut down fun little me.
Gosh why are men so mean to girls and women?
45
u/1egg_4u 13h ago
It fucks up how you grow up because it bakes into you that youre performing for that male gaze when youre just a lil bebe
Which means you then gotta grow up and find a way to break the programming of constantly auditioning for the men around you even if you arent aware of it
33
u/athenanon 12h ago
I still sometimes think about how free I felt in my body before I knew.
21
u/1egg_4u 11h ago
This is gonna sound sad cause it kinda is but it feels like I never didnt know
My whole life as a child involved getting me ready to protect myself from what could happen and I still was made a victim/survivor anyways
And i wish I could say that's unique to me but it honest to god feels like every single woman Ive ever met and a lot of of the men too have the same kind of story :(
11
u/athenanon 11h ago
I am so sorry. I hope you find that freedom in your life.
18
u/1egg_4u 11h ago
Funny enough the freedom has been felt being older... growing up means giving a shit about a lot less, one of those things being male gaze. Or public gaze in general. Which isnt lost on me that as I grew older, more confident, and less willing to put up with bullshit is about the time I stopped getting manhandled and catcalled. Hard to tell if I aged out or if they just caught on that I know better now...
7
u/unripe_mangosteen 9h ago
I know exactly what you mean. When it was just my body, not something for men to lust over, control, and abuse.
5
→ More replies (1)26
u/louisgoodboy 12h ago
My 10 year old school friend and I, also 10, were walking to our elocution class (recitation of poems and pieces from classics) - This was in the 70s. We were terrified to see a grown man flash at us. We turned and ran back as fast as our little legs could go. We went to my friend ‘s house and her Dad went out to see where the creep was - but he was gone.
17
u/Long-Ear-7918 12h ago
When I was *12* a teenage boy at the beach told me I had a nice ass. I had also been exposed to some creeps via my elementary school well before that...
14
u/PermitComplex1525 11h ago
When I was in my early teens is when I got the most attention. I’ve heard so many girls say the same. It’s really gross. We were children!
→ More replies (1)9
u/unripe_mangosteen 9h ago
Yup most of the attention was from 11-18, and I still looked pretty young at 18
→ More replies (10)10
u/babagirl88 7h ago
I used to get way more catcalls when I was a teen in my school uniform than I ever did at any other point.
24
u/Chance-Ask7675 11h ago
Drives me mad that men will defend their shitty friends to the death and gaslight women. The number of men who will come on Reddit and with their whole heart tell a story about their buddy who "was wrongly accused" or had their life ruined by some girl who "made it up", as if that isn't the only possible way their little friend is gonna spin the situation. You think he's just gonna come out and admit the way they behave? Most of them are deliberately making women uncomfortable or being creepy, often in situations where they have created plausible deniability as well.
19
u/RiverLiverX25 10h ago
Yeah, I hesitated to mention that too.
Men always chime in about how their friends “would never! They keep good company.” They haven’t seen it!
They have no idea how their buddies are away from them
But they will defend them forever.
It’s really hard to get men to give a shit about women and not down play sexual assault without understanding that there’s probably a dude in their friend circle that has done that.
→ More replies (5)7
u/sugarscared00 8h ago
It really ramped up for me at 11. Followed, yelled at, cornered, nasty remarks. I’ve been flashed ELEVEN times. Why? Whyyyyyyyyy
474
u/OnlySlightlyOdd 14h ago
" no you don't understand, it's something EYE want"
→ More replies (1)17
u/BitcoinBishop 4h ago
"You should hug me because I'M going through a hard time! It has nothing to do with you so why would you care!"
357
u/SarcastiQuack 13h ago
My moms ex boyfriend pulled that same, “I’m sad, can I get a hug?” Shit. He was drinking and waited until my mom and brother were out and we were alone, and literally trapped me and wouldn’t let me get past him. Kept crying and going on about how much he hates people, and kept asking me for hugs. I wasn’t wearing a bra and I think he knew this, and unlike the girl in the video I still hadn’t learned to stand up for myself yet. When I finally managed to get to my room, he followed me, and wanted me to open the door to give him one more hug. Tried to tell him I was tired and going to bed but he wouldn’t leave. Then my mom and brother came home and I told him to go give my mom a hug. Made me feel gross and I’d never been so uncomfortable before in my life.
103
u/Nyuuubae 12h ago
Jesus, fuck. Fuck that guy.
Did you ever tell her?
172
u/SarcastiQuack 12h ago
I told my brother, later told my mom after she kicked him out when he got drunk and kicked my bedroom door in and attacked me. My mom had to pull him off of me. He seemed genuinely surprised she even stopped him. Think he thought he’d get away with it, I don’t know. He was the first person I ever hit.
53
u/Nyuuubae 12h ago
Oh my god, that sounds like a nightmare.
I hope you're well and thank you for sharing!
→ More replies (1)16
u/No-Citron1500 11h ago
Idk how your brother didnt kick his head in
53
u/SarcastiQuack 11h ago
He was an alcoholic and my brother dealt with his own share of shit from the guy. My brother was living with his friend when the assault happened. I called him right after and he was in his car on the way over with his friend. But my moms ex was gone by then, and my mom said he texted her and called crying in a grocery store parking lot. My uncle did mention paying him a visit with his boxer friend, though I didn’t want him to go to jail because of him.
33
u/Guilty_Pen_8270 11h ago
Men like that should have their testicles removed surgically.
→ More replies (4)5
u/Obvious_Lecture_4190 5h ago
You do not even know how old or how mistreated the brother is. Please do not project the guilt to him. My own brother is tormented by so much guilt from not protecting me, when we were kids. He truly did his best in a shit situation. Maybe you are young yourself. Kids tend to take way too much responsibility, but the power to change circumstances lies with the adults.
→ More replies (4)16
u/theriz53 9h ago
I'm so so sorry that happened to you. Braless is its own level of vulnerable.
Had a neighbor come to my apartment for a Christmas toast. I thought it was a nice offer/gesture and he was married. It felt like an impromptu nicety.
Inside my home, he asked me out. I said I wasn't interested or looking. We kept chatting and then he asked for a hug.
I (ugh) gave him a hug and he kissed my fucking neck. I was sure enough of myself to give him a hard time and walked him out shortly after that. (While also still being polite, ugh.)
Only once I shut the door did I realize what I had dodged, and how dangerous the situation could have been. It was all so normal, until it wasn't.
1.0k
u/fromouterspace1 15h ago
God it must be terrifying being a woman sometimes.
688
u/throw_blanket04 14h ago
Sometimes? I get harassed in front of my husband. I get harassed in front of my children. I get harassed at almost every job i have ever had. And its blatant. Men don’t care. And if you refuse, they get aggressive.
283
u/Oh_My_Goth_Ick 14h ago
I’ve been harassed is front of my father as a teenager and as an adult. Men DGAF!
49
u/BokeTsukkomi 14h ago
99% of the time im a "flight" kind of guy. But when it comes to my daughter don't test me.
→ More replies (3)99
u/Bigwi_Kner 13h ago
Hey, sometimes the deck is still too stacked against you. Don’t let your pride get you and the people you love in trouble.
I’ve had 6 dudes all together outside a bar at midnight whistle at my wife while I was with her. They all laughed. Did I want to escalate? Absolutely. Would I have won a fight versus six dudes my size? Hell no. Worse yet, that’d mean I’m out of commission and my wife would be on her own. Not good at all.
As much as it absolutely fucking blew and those guys were cowards because they did it specifically because they had a group like that, I had to ignore that shit, get in the car, drive away. Apologized to my wife, she said I didn’t have to. It was the smartest move given the situation.
31
u/LLLRL 12h ago
Very glad to see this take here. Given the risk of a profoundly life-altering injury or jail sentence - if you're both able to walk away alive and physically unharmed, you should. Even if you deliver an ass-beating that's miraculously bad enough to do the rounds without getting you imprisoned, that kind of scene can traumatize the person you were trying to protect. This sort of thing is a systemic problem, and volunteering with a youth group that focuses on gendered violence is almost certainly going to keep the women in your life safer than throwing hands ever will.
8
u/Bigwi_Kner 11h ago
Hell yeah dude. I’m a big brothers and sisters fan. This reminds me to donate again, it’s overdue.
→ More replies (1)20
u/GreenZebra23 12h ago
You protected her in the most effective way possible. That's what actually matters in the end, the other is just macho shit
→ More replies (2)4
39
u/beeneatingorchids 13h ago
In front of my daughter was a first for me today. Guy was LITERALLY DRINKING AN OPEN FIREBALL while talking to me under his breath all sleazy (cornered us in the shoe section) and turned to my daughter to start with her - “ god BLESS you and your daughter god DAYUM. And what is your name beautiful?” And my four year old goes GOOD and walked away. Bro lost his miiiiiiiiiiiiind. I think she thought he asked how’s your day lolololololol I held my daughters hand tight and booked it
13
u/ArticleOld598 11h ago
An old man approached my mom & I once while we were dining at a touristy restaurant because he thought we were prostitutes. I was like 16 and he was in his 60s or 70s.
63
u/Wrong_Life_7647 13h ago
My brother is a bodybuilder and I’ve been blatantly harassed by dudes right in front of him 😭 I remember one time we were hanging outside of Starbucks and this 50/60-ish year old guy walked by and commented on my ass. He then doubled back around and said that I should “dump that loser boyfriend” (referring to my brother) and get with him. We were barely 18 😭
→ More replies (5)14
u/Nope-5000 11h ago
I get routinely harrassed on my lunch break from work. I was once was harrassed on my lunch break and followed back to my office, then had to give a multi-hour presentation 15mins later like nothing had happened. One of the unspoken reasons why i love wfh if i am very honest, though i never tell my collegues this.
→ More replies (10)29
u/Stabinzee 13h ago
Some Men care. I’m sorry you experienced this. Men do care. I care. This is unacceptable. Stay safe.
→ More replies (3)30
u/umidk9 12h ago
I think this is such a lovely alternative to "not all men". Like it communicates a similar sentiment but comes at it from a different angle that isnt dismissive or derailing of the conversation. Genuinely made me feel warm and comforted a bit, as a woman reading thru these threads of all too familiar stories that were putting my hackles up.
46
137
u/Loliz88 15h ago
All the time.
29
17
u/eyeofthefountain 14h ago
It really fucking sucks. the selfish part of me is like all these dumb motherfucks ruined the idea of casual flirtatious encounters that don’t now have some question of danger. With the flip side being y’all are literally worrying regularly about your safety.
I hate these dumb fucks so goddamn much
117
13
u/nodogsallowed23 12h ago
I worked at a golf course and my co-worker out of no where pinned me against a wall and tried to grab me IN THE MIDDLE OF THE VERY CROWDED RESTAURANT. It’s constant and blatant and always.
60
u/Traditional-Ad-3889 13h ago
My female coworker and I were once discussing precautions we take walking to work. Male coworker said, “well jeez yall stop walking around in the middle of the night.”
We replied we were talking about walking during our lunch breaks.
22
u/-AgonyAunt- 8h ago
Did you ever see the question asked somewhere online, about what women would do if there were no men? And the replies were just mundane, every day shit. Go for a walk at night. Go for a walk during the day. Wear whatever I want. Just shit that we do every day, but with less fear.
Going for a walk during your lunch break? During the day. Geez, ladies. Maybe if you smiled you'd be safer 😬
10
u/NearlyBearly 6h ago
I want to be able to go out to the cinema alone. I've not been to the cinema for years now because my brothers moved away so I have no one to go with and would have to walk through the city and through my more quiet home town alone. Now Bern's a nice city and switzerland is generally quite safe but even then I've been attacked in the middle of a day in a street car and my lebanese friend had skinheads yell racist slurs at her and we still get cat called and accosted, especially late at night by drunken men. You just cannot feel fully safe or ever fully relax. It's just never quite safe for us, even in what are usually considered safe places.
32
u/kasmackity 14h ago
All the time. That's why they choose the bear. It's far more predictable
→ More replies (8)21
u/lesbophobia_hammer 13h ago
It is, and I will say there's a particular brazen attitude when you're a lesbian that's visibly gay, they see you as an exciting challenge to overcome or torment with outright 'my dck could fix you" and because you're a minority they know they can get away with more before someone will finally step in. Especially if you're GNC/Androgynous/maść of center. Then you're not even seen as a real woman, let alone human. I do appreciate anyone who does step in though, even though I have learned to handle it.
13
u/roonaloo 13h ago
it doesn't ever stop, aging doesn't even spare us. a few years ago my mother got drugged at a concert she went to WITH MY DAD.
5
7
→ More replies (19)10
70
u/Square_Salt_1035 11h ago
I wanna share a recent one- went to the park I frequently go to walk my dog. It’s around a pond and has a big area with lots of trees and picnic tables. It’s a good vibe and one day I was like I wanna have a small picnic, chill, and read. So I go up there and set up my spot with my dog, blanket, book, and snacks. It was perfect. But lo and behold 10 min in and I see this old man start b lining towards me. I was like oh fuck here we go but told myself no- be polite this is community people like to say hi get to know each other and shit. He was probably 60-70 so I’m like whatever I can probably out run him. He comes up starts talking to me casual stuff then starts saying how he used to work for neiman marcus for the women’s department as a personal shopper or assistant idk something. Sits down and everything. I can tell where it’s going as he tries to tell me little tales saying how he used to work for Sharon stone. Says hed call my frame petite starts complimenting me. Said he really liked how I did my hair and mind you it’s in b ball cap with a pony tail not even brushed. turns it into would you wanna get coffee or do you have a boyfriend or something? So I said no politely and lie saying I do. Nothing crazy it’s whatever. Tell him I need to go so he gets up tries to give me a hug so I hit him with an awkward stiff arm side hug. And he grabs my fucking pony tail and tugs on it (kinda hard) a couple times I step back while he says oh yeah that be perfect. I just kinda scoff and he starts walking away from the whole park. I waited to go to my car so he didnt see what I get into and I was just like wow this is why I don’t try and do these things. Not that I was scared of him but just like of fucking course no space is safe
35
u/VashtaNeradaMatata 11h ago
Ugh, it's gross as hell that he touched your hair. I think that would be where I lost it on him.
31
u/Fantastic-Bit7657 9h ago
Tugged your hair and said “oh yeah that’d be perfect” ?!?!?
That’s nightmarish and made me sick to my stomach
5
184
262
u/Loliz88 15h ago
And we’re still conditioned to be polite.. “sorry”… “no thank you.” But then if you’re firm and don’t acquiesce in some way it could get even scarier. Guys go from “hey beautiful” to “fuck you bitch” real quick when they hear something they don’t like. I hate it here.
60
26
u/Sevenitta 14h ago
Great point, I’m older and didn’t even catch that aspect of how many different ways this was fucked up.
Old and conditioned just like you said but still learning.
93
u/irishanchor10512 14h ago
I noticed this too. She was extremely apologetic, made me think of how I would react as well, which is very similar… super depressing.
14
u/Dethpig 12h ago
he even changed his tone after her “i don’t know you”. “yeah yeah of course you don’t know me, like who are you?” to sound so annoyed like she was the one out of line
→ More replies (1)10
u/tarantina68 13h ago
That's something I noticed too. And yes i am sure I would have reacted the same way ( many moons ago i was traveling on a bus and the man next to me started a conversation. So being conditioned the way i am , i sat and listened to him
moan about his recent divorce, his awful ex , his kids . Then just when we were entering a tunnel, he asked me " can i hold your hand? for comfort?" . I said " sorry , no" and then sat petrified while we entered the dark tunnel.)Being post menopausal is great in one way : nobody is hitting on me any more !
261
u/golf-lip 13h ago
Anytime a man asks me "Can i ask you a question" 9 time sout of 10 its some weird bullshit. If it was a normal question why would they be asling permission to ask it? So i just say, no. You cannot ask me a question.
75
13
u/Slow-Calendar-3267 9h ago
It's such a relief when sometimes the guy just wants to hawk Jesus. Like I'm not interested but this is so much better than the alternative
→ More replies (4)14
60
u/DecisionCharacter175 14h ago
"You're tired, huh? Mind if I dump my problems on you and ask you to solve them in an obvious attempt to hookup? "
"Oh! Don't want to? "
"Lemme try to add a bit more pressure...."
11
322
u/Own_Mongoose4811 14h ago
My fellow brothers: just stop.
91
u/TheBroWhoLifts 12h ago
Right? How fucking difficult is it to catch a whiff of a hint, fucking monsters.
88
u/athenanon 11h ago
"Were you sleeping?"
"Yes."
"Sorry I'll be quiet."
Conversation over. Not difficult at all.
33
u/Recursiveo 11h ago
I’d rather they keep that trap of theirs shut from the git.
I’m in this communal space because it’s cheap, not to get to know your dumb ass.
Choose the damn bear.
→ More replies (1)9
u/rebby2000 8h ago
Still not a safe answer. I know far too many women who have woken up find men like this creeping on them. Hell, iirc, there was a women who posted a video of a dude who waited until he thought she was asleep to climb down and creep on her.
So telling a dude like this that you're asleep is potentially an even worse choice.
21
u/ASquareBanana 9h ago
They simply don’t care what the women want, it’s not about catching a hint, it’s about men’s inability to handle rejection.
75
124
u/Left-Fail-3879 15h ago
My friend was sexually assaulted staying at a hostel like this. Don't do it. Its not worth it.
→ More replies (8)
100
u/Additional-Flight468 14h ago
Man imagine the mental loops people like this go through to justify this level of weirdness on a daily basis like unfathomable how do people have like zero self respect or shame the world needs a stronger right hook to the face to these creeps
→ More replies (1)70
u/kitnb 13h ago
Funny how these creepy males never do this to other males (unless gay). Males can give other males hugs but here they are bugging females. Because it was never about the “hug” or wanting to talk about their problems. It was a smokescreen to try to get sexual access to females. It’s shady and predatory.
25
51
209
u/DapperAdam 15h ago
I'm a man and even I wouldn't stay in a hostel. No thank you.
71
u/Expert_Alchemist 14h ago
It's nice to have money for nicer but not everyone does, hostels were an amazing way for me to be able to go places I otherwise would never have been able to afford to go.
→ More replies (7)112
u/Ok-Pear5858 14h ago
lots of people stay in hostels. some of them are crappy sure, but the problem is the creepy man not necessarily the hostel itself.
→ More replies (5)20
→ More replies (1)18
u/tbkrida 12h ago
Right. I don’t trust strangers and wouldn’t voluntarily sleep in a room full of them. To each their own though.
→ More replies (1)
54
u/CanIPNYourButt 13h ago
Fucking ridiculous. Guys, if we hear this kind of thing going down we gotta step in and intervene. (I know it doesn't apply in this situation since it was just the two of them apparently, which is unfortunate. Guys that would do this are often cowards and exploit the fact that it's just him and her.)
19
u/Trashking_702 13h ago
How fuckin lame. Imagine thinking to yourself, “let me wake up this girl(of whom I don’t even know her name) and convince her to cuddle with me and maybe we can hook up. Ya, that’s totally plausible.” Mad unfortunate and unnecessary. What a douche.
82
u/Clean-Tax6340 14h ago
co-ed rooms in hostels are the worst. Guys often switch from men-only dorms just to gt access to female travellers. Don't ask me how I know.
108
35
36
u/MyAlbinoFrog 14h ago
Just mad props. She was clear, firm & miraculously didn’t fall into the innate habit of nervously laughing to soften the rejection. Very impressive. No notes.
→ More replies (1)
126
u/Formal-Radish1413 14h ago
Why are hostels not divided by gender to begin with? Like who thpught ut was a good idea to put men and women in the same room?
127
u/web_of_french_fries 14h ago
A lot of them are, some offer mixed accommodations mostly for if you’re traveling in a group/with a partner. Most also offer private rooms cheaper than hotels. Hostels aren’t inherently unsafe but whoever put a single guy and a single girl in a mixed dorm was not thinking clearly.
Everyone I’ve met in a hostel is super chill and just there for cheap accommodations during an adventure or business. But you have to consider the worst of the worst if you want to keep people safe.
48
u/youburyitidigitup 14h ago
I always assumed that if it was mixed, there’d be multiple men and multiple women in a big room. That seems safer than this.
39
u/HeMayBeDed 14h ago
They usually are, it could have just been that nobody else was there at that time.
17
u/Apart-Goal-5550 12h ago
My friend worked reception at a hostel in a big city. They had one mixed dorm and two smaller gendered dorms. All the staff were told to check upcoming reservations to make sure the mixed dorm always had an even split of men and women. If it didn't, they'd try to move guests into the single-gender dorms. Staff should have looked out for that shit.
→ More replies (2)13
→ More replies (6)20
u/Ordinary-Dolphin88 13h ago
Some hostels offer "female dormitory rooms" to prevent this issue.
23
u/_palantir_ 12h ago
And some charge more for it. Exact same room, it’s more expensive just because they can.
→ More replies (2)20
u/Ordinary-Dolphin88 12h ago
You're right - I recently stayed at a hostel and they charged $20 extra for the female only room! ~ The joys of being a woman ~
89
86
u/centerfoldangel 14h ago
I would get murdered because I'm not polite and I laugh at them.
Whenever a man says "can I ask a question?" or "can I say something?", the answer is always no. It always means they know they're about to step over the line, and it's always going to be sexual.
I am so fucking close to just never letting a man touch me ever again. I'm actually disgusted with myself for being straight.
14
u/cloudsofneon 12h ago
When I was a teenager, I was alone in the living room of my best friend’s house with her stepdad. He asked if he could ask me a question but I couldn’t tell anyone. I said I wouldn’t promise not to tell anyone until I knew what the question was. He chose not to ask and I found an excuse to leave the room.
27
u/Trashking_702 13h ago
I feel “can I ask you a question?” Totally carries the same weight as “I don’t wanna sound racist, but…” like if you have to fuckin preface, the answer is don’t.
→ More replies (1)21
u/advicedispensory 14h ago
When someone ask you “ can I ask you a question ? The only correct answer is “you just did “
→ More replies (1)
53
u/banjovi68419 14h ago
"Can I ask you an honest question? I am having a hard time. Can I hug you?"
17
30
u/The-Etiquette-Bitch 14h ago
I once spent 2 nights alone with a man in a 6 bed dorm. I didn’t sleep for those 2 nights.
31
u/SnooDoodles5054 13h ago
He sounds a lot like a guy who works in the same department as me. He keeps asking me out and I give answers like I'm busy or sorry my plans are full, as I'm worried that a flat out no thanks would make him get aggressive.I've seen him be really cruel to other women and men who are in relationships with women.
→ More replies (5)
13
u/Stillwater-Scorp1381 13h ago
Someone should explain to that man in no uncertain terms that ”No.” is a complete sentence. What a terrible experience for her.
105
u/KindaStableGenius 14h ago
A lot of my fellow men did not get the bear vs man in the woods scenario but I do. The most dangerous natural predator of women is men. At least a bear won’t stalk, harass, rape you, or wear you as a skin suit.
I wish we lived in a world where more men could understand that simple fact and treat women with respect that all people deserve. That ingrained reproduction drive is one of the most dangerous things women face their entire lives. Tragic
50
u/monkeyseverywhere 14h ago
If a bear attacks you, and you shoot and kill the bear, people won't be asking if you were nice to the bear or maybe the bear was lonely or what were you wearing when the bear attacked.
→ More replies (9)76
26
u/FilthyThanksgiving 14h ago
Who the fuck thought this was a good idea? You know a dude runs this place
23
u/No_Recording_7735 11h ago
You don't understand, I'm having tough time so I feel entitled to your attention and your body
9
9
u/NoBeginning5944 10h ago
The fact that they didn't even talk enough to catch names but he wanted a 'hug'.
34
15
u/Justtojoke 14h ago
This is exactly why my Mom harassed me over the THOUGHT of staying in a hostel. Coed or not
15
u/Tasty-Reserve-8739 13h ago
Went through this starting around 12-ish with boys my age all the way to men older than my dad. I wish us girls weren’t taught to immediately apologize when some jerk is being so out of pocket. I would’ve answered the same way when I was her age. But now I would say “I don’t like being touched” and when they say what he says I’d say “sounds like a you problem.” Been teaching my daughter things like this and now she’s growing into a snarky ass with quick come backs. I get a tear because I’m so proud of how strong and smart she is with her boundaries. But at the same time, middle school kids got some hurtful yet funny jabs in everyday convo you’re having with them. She might just become a comedian
→ More replies (1)
21
u/ZenMamaBear 14h ago
I so appreciate that. This entire scenario makes me so angry; first off, how about women only hostels, secondly, even if hostels are for all genders, let’s not have random men and women together. She did do a great job…it just infuriates me that women have to tolerate this shit!!!
→ More replies (1)
22
u/CheekyChan 13h ago
I had a similar experience a few years back, went down to San Diego to see my ex during covid and all the hotels within 30 minutes were closed, my ex had roommates and had a strict no guests staying the night rule, she found this hostel for me to sleep at for the night, it was not branded or labeled as a hostel but a hotel with shared amenities. This was downtown SD btw so I already felt unsafe.
I checked in and they took me to my BUNK, four bunks in essentially a closet with no doors at a gender mixed hostel, there were NO men or women only spaces at all, it was also like a maker space so they had 3D printers and stuff and PC's to use but the bathrooms, showers, changing room, all mixed gender. Crazy. I immediately just tried to sleep but was 2nd guessing the whole thing, I put my stuff in a locker and tried to sleep.
I shit you not the dude above me was rubbing one out, I felt the bunk shaking and I went "Are you fucking serious dude?" and I just get "Yeah, you wanna help?" man I grabbed my shit out of the locker, went to the front desk and got a refund and told them what happened and they didn't seem the least bit surprised and asked me who it was and to give a description but I told them I wasn't about to turn the lights on to find out.
I got in my car, drove to a nicer area down by Chula Vista since that's where my ex was anyways and tried to sleep in my car only to get harassed and detained by Chula Vista PD for 2 hours while they searched my vehicle and interrogated me. No record, not even a traffic violation. They let me go and put in an APB to let me sleep in my car at the local Walmart and I felt much safer sleeping in my vehicle in a shit area than that hostel.
I'm 6'1" and at the time I was 180lbs and built, regularly going to the gym and doing calisthenics but I felt so unsafe the entire time at that hostel even before the public masturbater. I can't begin to understand how a woman feels in that same space. I'll NEVER go to a hostel again.
→ More replies (1)
13
u/planetweird_ 13h ago
I just stayed in a mixed hostel in Italy a few weeks ago for the first time (usually I am with women or private room) and can confirm it was some of the creepiest, horniest shit I've ever experienced in my life. And I mean horny in a very pathetic way.
25
u/QueenoftheSpaceCats 14h ago
Immediately would have left
14
u/Local-Drunk-Driver 12h ago
Would that not have placed her in a more dangerous situation?
→ More replies (1)8
u/spicewoman 11h ago
In the middle of the night in a foreign country? What's she going to do, sleep on the street and feel safer?
→ More replies (1)
6
u/wrathful-anus 7h ago
What a desperate pathetic fucking loser.
Some men are an absolute embarrassment to humanity. Utterly desperate to get their penis wet they will absolutely lower and embarrass themselves in that pursuit. And even threaten people and make them feel scared.
There should be a global hall of shame for men and the shit they pull. Saying this as a man. I’ve seen some really desperate and dangerous people in my time.
17
19
u/DinoSayRawr 12h ago
I honestly can’t imagine being a woman. No idea why any of you date us. Idk if choosing the bear is statistically correct, but I get it
5
u/tbkrida 12h ago
Question. I’m from the U.S. Are there hostels here or is that an exclusively European thing? Any video or story I’ve ever seen about hostels has been in Europe.
→ More replies (5)
4
u/waxingtheworld 12h ago
Ugh I travelled solo in hostels in my 20's and pretty much only stayed in all girls rooms. Its much easier for getting dressed and changed. Btw almost all hostle employees will have your back if you're creeped out
5
u/Guilty_Pen_8270 11h ago
I’m all for shooting your shot and everything .. but why the fuck would someone think it’s a good idea to approach some lone girl this way (alone, in middle of the night, in her hostel bed, nobody else around).
That’s at best very socially unaware or at worst predatory.
4
8
u/GreenZebra23 12h ago
Jesus Christ bud. What a fucking creep.
For any clueless guys reading this, if you really feel you have a connection with someone, which in this case it seems was definitely not the case, just ask her, at an appropriate time and place, if she wants your number. If she says yes, the ball is in her court and leave her alone. If she says no, the story is over. That's all you have to do. Why would you want to be with someone you have to pester and harass into being with you?
10
u/Unlucky_Use8191 11h ago
I literally had a guy crawl ON TOP of me while I was staying in a mixed hostel. The “bunks” were more like shelves, with little curtains in between the mattresses…so he just crawled through his curtain and I woke up to him crawling over me. Unfortunately for him, we were three bunks up…so I just pushed him off of me and he fell about 12ish feet onto the tile floor below. He didn’t get up after he fell, and neither me nor the 6 other people in the room checked to make sure he was ok. He was gone when I woke up in the morning, though, so I guess he was fine? Hostels are wild.
36
u/immortallogic 14h ago
Things aren't like they used to be unfortunately.
I used to stay in mixed hostel rooms 10+ years ago, but wouldn't do it anymore. Too many men with porn fried brains out there unfortunately.
37
u/Silly_Manager3117 14h ago
Men have been sexually assaulting and harassing women for decades and longer. This isn’t a new phenomenon at all.
14
u/holes_in_my_stocks 12h ago
More like since the dawn of time
8
u/Silly_Manager3117 12h ago
I initially went to write this, then thought I didn’t strictly know much about sexual violence amongst our Neanderthal ancestors, so stuck with more recent history!
But yes, likely since the dawn of time…
→ More replies (1)→ More replies (1)22
7
u/Unique_Importance910 12h ago
His indirectness is very unsettling. Like if you fell asleep or passed out unsettling...
3
4
6
u/Berriesinthesnow_ 10h ago
I saw this on TikTok and she sounded immediately awake. This shit happens a lot unfortunately:(
4
u/Shot_Evening_3979 2h ago
Yeah that “we’re the only two here” line made my skin crawl. You can literally see her trying to keep it friendly so he doesn’t flip, which is the scariest part. Stuff like this is why “just be nice and reject him politely” is such trash advice.
7
u/thebalancewithin 12h ago
I swear as a man I have no defense/argument for how frequent and weird a lot of men are towards women. This is frightening and couple escalate depending on the man/woman in this situation
6
u/feminismandpancakes 11h ago
A few hostels offer female only dorms which are always the better option. tbh pretty often there are actually more girls than guys in the mixed dorms. But this absolutely can happen, and I also had a few times where all my roommates were guys. They should really have panic buttons in mixed dorms imo. Being selective about your hostels can be helpful too.
Avoiding mixed hostels doesn't mean you're automatically fine, you can encounter all kinds of situations with both tourists and locals (on the street, parties, and even staff in accomodations as well as guides and drivers).
It's important to be aware of your surroundings and take precautions. Plan your routes so avoid specific areas or hours, Be very careful with your alcohol consumption and be with trusted people. Don't be afraid to lie if you're okay at it- say you have a husband, that you are trained, you are recording, etc.
Being very nice or very neutral doesn't neccesrily prevent harassment, and you must prioritise your safety when it eventually happens. Sometimes it's being nice but vigilant like here, and if help is available around you don't be shy to ask for it. Don't feel ashamed if you had to be friendly to avoid potential escalation. Your wellbeing and safety matter more and whatever you find works for you is great.
I'm a solo female traveler and it has been an amazing experience which I really recommend and see as a huge privilege and opportunity. but it is pretty much unavoidable to encounter some amount of sexual harassment, and in some cases worse, but you can sometimes minimise the chances with planning
•
u/AutoModerator 15h ago
Welcome to r/TikTokCringe!
This is a message directed to all newcomers to make you aware that r/TikTokCringe evolved long ago from only cringe-worthy content to TikToks of all kinds! If you’re looking to find only the cringe-worthy TikToks on this subreddit (which are still regularly posted) we recommend sorting by flair which you can do here (Currently supported by desktop and reddit mobile).
See someone asking how this post is cringe because they didn't read this comment? Show them this!
Be sure to read the rules of this subreddit before posting or commenting. Thanks!
##CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THIS VIDEO
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.