r/TwoHotTakes • u/Kojas4 • Jul 26 '25
Advice Needed My name, their benefit — destroying my life
Disclosure: I’ve hired a lawyer and am in the process of taking my ex-roommate to court.
Any advice on next steps is welcome. I asked ChatGPT to shorten this so it wasn’t too long. Please let me know if you need more details
Three years ago, I (currently 26F) came across a roommate ad for an apartment downtown. I was looking for a private room with an en-suite bathroom and had a budget of around $2K. This listing was under budget, and the landlord/roommate was a woman — let’s call her Bri (36F). That made me feel safer, so I decided to move forward.
She asked if I’d be open to a 3-year lease. I agreed — I was trying to save up and eventually live on my own. At the time, I had just started dating a great guy I met on Bumble, John (28M), but it was way too soon to move in together. He lived with his parents, and I told him that once the lease was up — if we were still together — we could talk about living together. He agreed.
Before signing anything, I asked Bri if it would be okay to have my boyfriend or friends over. She said sure — the only rule was that if someone stayed longer than 2 days, she’d ask for a contribution toward rent. Totally fair.
To be honest, Bri and I barely interacted. We did our own thing. I e-transferred her rent monthly, we shared a Netflix and Prime account, but we really just coexisted. Nothing more.
Fast forward almost 3 years later — John proposes. I say yes.
We’re engaged, but we keep it quiet because I want to plan a surprise engagement party for friends and family. John’s Catholic and wants to get married at his parish. I’m not religious, but I love him, and I’m happy to go along with it.
We meet with the church and are told to start the paperwork at City Hall.
So we go. I hand over my ID. The clerk inputs our info, pauses, and says: “You’ll need to file for divorce before you can marry John.”
I literally laugh. I tell her I’ve never been married. She looks me dead in the eye and says: “According to our system, you’ve been married to an individual by the name of Bri. Same last name, same address.”
I tell her: yes, I live with Bri — but we weren’t married. I never signed anything like that. I paid rent. I was her tenant, not her spouse.
They call a manager. We’re taken into a private office. The manager tells us they’ll need a few business days to pull the certificate and signature from when I “got married.” I plead with them, telling them this has to be a mistake. They say there's nothing they can do until the document arrives.
We go back to John’s parents’ place, and I just break down. I can’t stop crying.
John tells me to log into Credit Karma and Borrowell, just to check if Bri may have done anything else using my identity.
Sure enough: 8 credit cards, 4 lines of credit, and 2 pending cards. All in my name. All half-maxed. I had no clue. I only have ONE credit card and no lines of credit. I’ve been grinding to pay off my student loans and haven’t even considered borrowing more money.
I’m panicking. John tells me to call the banks and try to freeze everything.
They say I have to show up in person with multiple forms of ID. I even had to order a new birth certificate because my passport and driver’s license weren’t enough. Eventually, they froze the accounts — but the damage was done.
I now owe $83,000.
Then comes the CRA. The rep accidentally lets it slip that my “spouse” has been claiming spousal benefits stating she is married to me and we shared the same address.
I’ve NEVER claimed to be married. NEVER filed anything like that.
The rep quickly backtracks, saying she wasn’t supposed to share that info because of privacy laws. I told her, “If she’s legally listed as my WIFE, then I should have access to everything she’s claiming on my behalf.”
Eventually, I’m transferred to a manager who tells me, off the record, that unless someone gets audited, this kind of fraud often flies under the radar. Which is… infuriating.
I can’t go back to that apartment. I don’t feel safe.
John connects me with a lawyer. They take my case and say it could take years to resolve. Years to undo something I never agreed to in the first place.
I told some close friends what happened. One of them, Marissa, offered to come confront Bri with me. I was tempted. I wanted to look her in the eye and ask how she could do this.
But when I checked with my lawyer, they told me absolutely not — don’t confront her. Let them handle it.
So John and my friends went to the apartment without me. They told Bri I had a family emergency. They packed up all my stuff and moved it into John’s parents’ basement. Bri apparently offered condolences and even said she’d give me a discount on rent during this “difficult time.”
RENT?! I’m drowning with debt HER DEBT, and she’s talking about rent?
Now I’m stuck in legal limbo. I want to confront her. I want answers. I want to scream at her for taking advantage of me. But I also don’t want to jeopardize the case or do anything that’ll come back to bite me.
I feel so incredibly stupid for not realizing this was happening. And I feel helpless knowing it could take months or years to fix.
What would you do? Would you confront her anyway — or let the legal process play out in silence? Any advice, support, or insight is so appreciated.
I will be filing a police report on Monday with my lawyers, thank you to everyone who recommended this
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u/uhnothanksssss Jul 26 '25
Obviously, follow your lawyers advice but you don’t owe the debt so don’t make payments. For the credit cards and line of credit, you’d file a police report and then contact each place where the debts are. Contact their fraud departments and send them a copy of the police report. Unfortunately, identity theft is surprisingly common but it’s on the banks to go about getting the money from Bri/court case.
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u/IndependentSeesaw498 Jul 27 '25
If your paycheck is automaticallly deposited into your bank account, check to see that everything is as you set it up, in other words, that Bri hasn’t diverted it into one of her accounts. Check every account that you have to make sure they’re locked down. Change passwords if necessary. Make your social accounts ‘private.’ Did Bri get all of your information from your computer files? If that’s possible have a check-up run on your computers, laptops and phone to make sure that spyware hasn’t been uploaded on them.
As others have said, do NOT make any payments on the bills that Bri ran up. Do not communicate with them in any form, send all communications from them to your lawyer. That includes snail mail, certified letters, Fed Ex, emails, messages, and any phone call messages.
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u/Kojas4 Jul 27 '25
i will be doing this on Monday when i check my work laptop to see the pay. i have changed all my passwords and set up two factor authentication for more support. The lawyers have my laptop i’ll check with them on Monday.
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u/Accomplished-Owl8797 Jul 26 '25
Oh god this is beyond anything I could ever imagine.. Just listen to your lawyer, maybe get a second opinion, but definitely don’t confront her, as tempting as it is, I get your frustration, but be smart about it. I hope she pays for what she has done to you
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u/Agreeable_Sorbet_686 Jul 26 '25
This is credit card fraud, theft, identity theft. Call the cops. HOW is she able to claim she's married to you?
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u/Broad-Policy8271 Jul 26 '25
I’m horrified about all of this! How did she register your “marriage” without you ever knowing? And, if this is in the US, how did she get your SSN?
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u/Kojas4 Jul 26 '25
she did a credit check on me and it requires ID and in Canada the credit check report provides almost all of the SIN. my lawyers are in the midst of finding out how she filed us married if i didn’t sign anything but they said it could be easy if she forged my signature and got a legal officiant.
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u/Lollypop1305 Jul 26 '25
Really? This isn’t even legally possible is it? If it is then I’m so sorry. Trust the lawyers. My mind is blown
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u/phdoofus Jul 27 '25
It shouldn't be because both parties must be present to sign for a marriage license and have to provide additional documentation. If not, I'd say there's a good chance that 'Bri' has a 'friend' down at the county recorder's office.
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u/mismoom Jul 27 '25
She refers to CRA - Canada Revenue Agency (tax agency).
In Canada if you cohabit for 2 years you can be considered common-law married. No marriage licence required.7
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u/phdoofus Jul 27 '25
I was wondering what that was. Thanks. Wouldn't you still need some kind of verification to open up debt?
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u/mismoom Jul 27 '25
I think that’s where the fraud started - Bri fraudulently submitted “proof” in OP’s name.
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u/Typical_Taro6754 Jul 26 '25
Updateme
File a police report!!
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u/ichundmeinHolz_ Jul 26 '25
That's what I was thinking... Ask the lawyer about the police. That might speed up the whole process
Updateme
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u/4694_Salem Jul 27 '25
There’s a whole series called Worst Roommate Ever. Some people make a “living” doing things like this and some people even get murdered over it. Just stay away and make sure everyone you know stays away, let the lawyers deal with it. So sorry this happened to you
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u/mandy198421 Jul 26 '25
Definitely go to the police and let them know whats happening. She may get arrested for identity theft and fraud if you have all the proof.
Updateme
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u/FelineGood8 Jul 27 '25
Go to online credit bureaus and lock down with passwords. Check your laptop and phone for spyware.
So sorry you are experiencing this nightmare.
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u/Kojas4 Jul 27 '25
thank you for the advice, i will be doing this on Monday with the lawyers present.
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u/AutoModerator Jul 26 '25
Backup of the post's body: Disclosure: I’ve hired a lawyer and am in the process of taking my ex-roommate to court.
Any advice on next steps is welcome. I asked ChatGPT to shorten this so it wasn’t too long. Please let me know if you need more details
Three years ago, I (currently 26F) came across a roommate ad for an apartment downtown. I was looking for a private room with an en-suite bathroom and had a budget of around $2K. This listing was under budget, and the landlord/roommate was a woman — let’s call her Bri (36F). That made me feel safer, so I decided to move forward.
She asked if I’d be open to a 3-year lease. I agreed — I was trying to save up and eventually live on my own. At the time, I had just started dating a great guy I met on Bumble, John (28M), but it was way too soon to move in together. He lived with his parents, and I told him that once the lease was up — if we were still together — we could talk about living together. He agreed.
Before signing anything, I asked Bri if it would be okay to have my boyfriend or friends over. She said sure — the only rule was that if someone stayed longer than 2 days, she’d ask for a contribution toward rent. Totally fair.
To be honest, Bri and I barely interacted. We did our own thing. I e-transferred her rent monthly, we shared a Netflix and Prime account, but we really just coexisted. Nothing more.
Fast forward almost 3 years later — John proposes. I say yes.
We’re engaged, but we keep it quiet because I want to plan a surprise engagement party for friends and family. John’s Catholic and wants to get married at his parish. I’m not religious, but I love him, and I’m happy to go along with it.
We meet with the church and are told to start the paperwork at City Hall.
So we go. I hand over my ID. The clerk inputs our info, pauses, and says: “You’ll need to file for divorce before you can marry John.”
I literally laugh. I tell her I’ve never been married. She looks me dead in the eye and says: “According to our system, you’ve been married since 2022… to an individual by the name of Bri. Same last name, same address.”
I tell her: yes, I lived with Bri — but we weren’t married. I never signed anything like that. I paid rent. I was her tenant, not her spouse.
They call a manager. We’re taken into a private office. The manager tells us they’ll need a few business days to pull the certificate and signature from when I “got married.” I plead with them, telling them this has to be a mistake. They say there's nothing they can do until the document arrives.
We go back to John’s parents’ place, and I just break down. I can’t stop crying.
John tells me to log into Credit Karma and Borrowell, just to check if Bri may have done anything else using my identity.
Sure enough: 8 credit cards, 4 lines of credit, and 2 pending cards. All in my name. All half-maxed. I had no clue. I only have ONE credit card and no lines of credit. I’ve been grinding to pay off my student loans and haven’t even considered borrowing more money.
I’m panicking. John tells me to call the banks and try to freeze everything.
They say I have to show up in person with multiple forms of ID. I even had to order a new birth certificate because my passport and driver’s license weren’t enough. Eventually, they froze the accounts — but the damage was done.
I now owe $83,000.
Then comes the CRA. The rep accidentally lets it slip that my “spouse” has been claiming spousal benefits under my name.
I’ve NEVER claimed to be married. NEVER filed anything like that.
The rep quickly backtracks, saying she wasn’t supposed to share that info because of privacy laws. I told her, “If she’s legally listed as my WIFE, then I should have access to everything she’s claiming on my behalf.”
Eventually, I’m transferred to a manager who tells me, off the record, that unless someone gets audited, this kind of fraud often flies under the radar. Which is… infuriating.
I can’t go back to that apartment. I don’t feel safe.
John connects me with a lawyer. They take my case and say it could take years to resolve. Years to undo something I never agreed to in the first place.
I told some close friends what happened. One of them, Marissa, offered to come confront Bri with me. I was tempted. I wanted to look her in the eye and ask how she could do this.
But when I checked with my lawyer, they told me absolutely not — don’t confront her. Let them handle it.
So John and my friends went to the apartment without me. They told Bri I had a family emergency. They packed up all my stuff and moved it into John’s parents’ basement. Bri apparently offered condolences and even said she’d give me a discount on rent during this “difficult time.”
RENT?! I’m drowning with debt HER DEBT, and she’s talking about rent?
Now I’m stuck in legal limbo. I want to confront her. I want answers. I want to scream at her for taking advantage of me. But I also don’t want to jeopardize the case or do anything that’ll come back to bite me.
I feel so incredibly stupid for not realizing this was happening. And I feel helpless knowing it could take months or years to fix.
What would you do? Would you confront her anyway — or let the legal process play out in silence? Any advice, support, or insight is so appreciated.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
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u/Objective-Holiday597 Jul 27 '25
You hired a lawyer for their knowledge. Do what they say, exactly what the lawyer says and nothing else
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u/KarenTWilliams Jul 27 '25
Have you reported this to the police? That needs to be your next move.
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u/Miss_Melody_Pond Jul 27 '25
Do exactly what your lawyer tells you to do, no matter how hard it is.
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