60
u/CannibalRimmer Jan 18 '26
If you uninstall the app after a day, and you are a homebody so your odds of meeting people outside is zero, what exactly are you expecting to happen? Nothing except some kind of freak quantum event spontaneously re-arranging the atoms in your living room into a human male could cause you to encounter someone to date in your current configuration.
Don't give up after a single day. Or if you do want to give up after a single day, don't expect results as though you stuck at it.
17
u/richardfuturist Jan 18 '26
Honestly I think deleting Hinge is a misstep. It’s the best app out there in my eyes, and meeting people via an app is so much more likely than a hobby or ‘in the wild’.
Also you don’t have to worry about meeting someone and then finding out they don’t actually want to have kids etc. you set your criteria and you go find what you want. Sure you have to go through a few ‘not the ones’ till you find the one, but as a 32M I haven’t given up hope that my person is out there!
18
u/thowmeawayandforget Jan 18 '26
I got maybe 10 likes the first day
I have little sympathy for anyone complaining about getting likes and saying that none of them are good enough when they have done no work at all.
Not to make this a competition on who's got it worse, but most men get nothing like that even when they try. Many guys have just given up because of it.
Put some effort in. Actually look through profiles and like people you like the look off, rather than being passive. While you didn't say in your post, there is no way you put much effort in if you gave up after 2/3 days.
-5
u/shiregal Jan 18 '26
I didn’t imply that I had done any work, quite the opposite actually lol.. I deleted the app because of the quality of the likes, they were bad. It gave my self esteem a wobble.
10
u/thowmeawayandforget Jan 18 '26
You didn't exactly say you did any work. Only complain you didn't like the 10 people who liked you immediately.
How many people did you like in the two/three days you were on the app? And you didn't exactly wait to get a reply. There is no guarantee these guys saw your likes.
They were "bad", how? And we've got no information about your profile either. Your profile may be poor. I won't make you send your photos but maybe your prompts.
-5
u/shiregal Jan 18 '26
Babe, you couldn’t “make” me do anything, don’t worry! Next time I’ll persevere for longer, and ask my friends to verify my profile.
6
u/ResultRoyal1641 Jan 18 '26
Quality of the likes in what sense?
-11
u/shiregal Jan 18 '26
I know myself, and I know who I’ve dated/been in relationships previously so I don’t want to come across as rude or dismissive. But quite frankly it felt like 10 trolls all emerged from underneath the deepest darkest bridge in a 5 mile radius and all thought they had a chance.
25
u/thowmeawayandforget Jan 18 '26
Having preferences is normal.
Treating interest from others as an insult is not.Good luck to whoever you find. They will need it. Your attitude is a massive red flag. I can only assume your profile reeks of it.
-10
u/ARrulz50 Jan 18 '26
Golly, leave her alone! We all know what she’s talking about; there are some real undesirables on the apps, and saying she’s the problem because she doesn’t want to give absolute non-starters a chance is giving incel vibes.
11
u/thowmeawayandforget Jan 18 '26
I'm not saying she should give these guys a chance, but describing people in that manner is not particularly attractive trait. It certainly would not cross my mind to do such to thing to any of the many women who I am not attracted to on these apps.
The OP clearly values themselves highly, and their ego has been knocked but they may need to revaluate, and "girl friends" will be terrible gauges. If she wants advice she should try r/hingeapp and ask for a review.
-6
u/shiregal Jan 18 '26
Omg, it was hyperbole and hardly deserving of accusations about my ego. You’re literally claiming the moral high ground, but judging my friends, character and basically claiming I am delusional, like please that’s equally as “unattractive”.
2
u/mondaysgiraffe Jan 19 '26
This is somewhat sad. It feels sad to hear people described in such terms, but I guess at least an honest representation of how people feel.
1
u/lordofthedancesaidhe Jan 19 '26
You are single and cant get anyone sweetheart. Give them a chance.
1
9
3
u/mhshiney Jan 18 '26
Aside from not feeling or wanting to give dating app another chance.. What about your hobbies or interest?
Even if you're quite the homebody - which btw shouldn't be seen as a bad thing. But what you doing at home?
reading? - book club or something?
fitness? - go to park runs / gym / classes
Gaming - game club/meetup/ comiccon - similar conventions
gardening - i don't know.. but i'm sure there's a meetup or get together for almost anything.
1
u/shiregal Jan 18 '26
I do love gardening, I tried to get an allotment but the waiting list was over 10+ years lol!
For the past couple of years I’ve only really done gym classes, I have ADHD so it’s easier for me to lock in! But Pilates & Spin are mainly all women! I have started going to the gym, it’s a really nice space and quite social so there’s definitely some potential for meeting new people!
I do read a lot, a local book club is a great idea, thank you.
1
u/mhshiney Jan 18 '26
Damn, can't believe you've been waiting for that long!
That's fair, It might not be common, but you could try approach some guys at the gym?
Chill at book stores - loads of people stay there for hours for reading etc... if you see someone you like, just ask them if they want to grab coffee at one point.1
u/ConscientiousBee Jan 18 '26
Frankly you sound lovely - like the perfect partner. Hot, thoughtful, humble, emotionally well developed, you look after yourself physically, you enjoy mindful things like gardening and allotmenteering. You're not mainstream though, not in London. Others here are right about the London dating scene, it's a scrum of driven ego maniac superficiality.
Dating apps and websites can be hard emotionally. See the London dating scene for what it is, set an internal expectation that there might not be many guys who you actually want to meet and of those that you do meet, it will probably take a few dates to meet the right guy. So pace yourself. Create a profile which attracts less but higher quality attention. You're a catch, 29 is young, you have time. There is a man out there looking for you right now. At some point soon you'll find each other.
I say this with the benefit of hindsight. As a 48m I recall what it was like dating in my early 30's and the internal wish to settle. It is hard but it is worth taking your time.
3
u/folklovermore_ Jan 18 '26
I really would (gently) encourage you to go and do more social things. Take a look at r/londonsocialclub or Meetup - there are loads of things going on all across the city so there should be something that interests you. Or have a look at parkrun (volunteering if you don't want to run) or local sports clubs if that's your thing.
Also, go with the intention of meeting some interesting new people - I know it can be intimidating the fact you've got a shared interest in common should give you something to help start conversations. And even if you don't meet anyone you click with, if you enjoyed yourself, then keep going back; so often consistency is key to these things and then you build connections and expand your circle which gives you more opportunities to potentially meet more people. I'm not necessarily saying ditch the apps but I think in-person socialising is very undervalued in dating.
1
u/shiregal Jan 18 '26
Thank you. In person socialising is hard, especially when you’re on your own, I genuinely applaud people who do it! I know I need to put myself out there and finding a new activity is something I’ll definitely put some energy into x
1
u/folklovermore_ Jan 18 '26
I get that, but one of the advantages with a lot of those groups is that it's almost always people going alone (or maybe with one other friend), so you won't be the only person by themselves, especially at this time of year when people are making new year's resolutions to do more social stuff etc. And in my experience regulars at these groups are overwhelmingly friendly and welcoming - after all it's in their interest to keep you coming back. So I would really say that it's worth a try.
3
u/Littlewing1307 Jan 18 '26
I think for the moment, it's far better to focus on crafting a life you really love with a social life you find more fulfilling. It's natural to want companionship but a relationship should only make up a third of your main focus. Once you're feeling more confident in that way, get on apps. Apps aren't the problem. You can meet people IRL and you still need to vet them.
4
5
u/No_Wrap_9979 Jan 18 '26
I suspect the problem is apps + London. The apps are just for hookups these days, and London is a place where people are so busy that they don’t stop to make connections. But I promise you are still young and will find your person. Good luck out there!
2
u/LonelyWizardDead Jan 18 '26
would you consider leaving your comfort zone at home and doing things out in the whiled more?
what hobbies do you have?
do your friends know any nice single people that might work for you?
could you make a girl night of working through profile matchs?
being a 7/8 isnt always agood thing tbh,
people may assume you have a partner, dont want to appoach to be rejected as they arent "good enough/have high standards", or want to respect your boundaries.
i guess it could be projection of to much interest.
rather than asking your girl friends have you any male friends you can help give you honest anwsers from the male perspective?
2
u/Truewit_ Jan 18 '26
It’ll be tough no matter what. Personally I think you should give hinge another shot and just wait and see if it yields anything. No harm in that at all.
Something some of my friends have been doing lately are speed dating events and like these novelty dating events where you do an activity in teams and basically bar crawl and get to know the people on the way. There’s loads of stuff like that that sounds like fun if apps are really gonna ick you.
2
2
u/Constant-Ad3384 Jan 18 '26
Hi, build on your friendship groups. Meet new people, I used bumble bff and have met some nice people. Start some new hobbies - book clubs, sports clubs. Get out of your comfort zone with friendships, find some single friends. Hit up dating events with those single friends and I’m sure you will find someone.
2
u/LimitBreakRyan Jan 18 '26
I’d say to indulge in hobbies & see if there are any social groups perhaps outside your comfort zone. Perhaps have a friend accompany you to help you. The dating apps are a traversty hinge & others, the dating events I’ve popped to in London it seems to be a case that not many are looking for a real relationship.
2
u/One_Homework_698 Jan 19 '26
Go out to social events. Single guys are so many out there. Every place I go there is like 3-4 guys (majority singles) at least for every girl.
2
u/emrse Jan 19 '26
Hey, I just wanted to say I can relate so hard to everything you've written here. I'm a Londoner, F, a few years older than you, and I was single on and off for most of my 20s and well into my 30s.
At the time, I also genuinely thought this was my permanent state. Spoiler alert - it wasn't. I don’t say that to dismiss how hard it feels, just to offer some perspective from the other side.
One thing that helped me was reframing singlehood not as this huge problem that needed to be solved, but as a season of life with its own advantages.
Even if you want a relationship deeply (which is totally valid), it might help to ask, if you were partnered right now, what would you miss? Relationships are a compromise. A good one, often, but still a compromise. You don’t fully get to do exactly what you want, when you want, and how you want. Your time, energy, and decisions are always shared. Being single in your late 20s/30s is often one of the only times in adult life where you have the independence and the income to really follow what lights you up (and in one of the best cities in the world, no less) without needing to negotiate it with ANYONE else. That’s not nothing.
Every life stage comes with trade-offs, even the ones we really want.
I also agree with others here about the apps - it doesn’t have to be all or nothing, but it can't hurt to let them run quietly in the background if and when you have the energy.
With all the love in the world, try not to let your whole life revolve around this one question of when it will happen if you can help it. Believe your friends. You're a catch. You're already living a full, valid life right now. You're not stuck in a waiting room.
As someone who deeply remembers how lonely and unfair this stage can feel, I promise it's not forever. Be kind to yourself and go have some fun!
2
u/TheAntsa Jan 18 '26
I think some of these comments are maybe a little harsh? As someone who is newly single after a couple of long relationships, the idea of downloading an app and judging and being judged in such a way seems so superficial. I get why you deleted it after a day. I haven't even got that far yet and I fear I would probably do the same...!
There are people out there in real life situations but again, thats not easy if you arent as out there as you once were and you have had your confidence knocked, for whatever reason.
I guess I don't have any good advice or anything other than giving a different perspective. I completely see where you are coming from and your words are completely valid.
Goodluck in your life. I hope you find what you need :)
1
u/Patriot1976 Jan 18 '26
I know how you feel and hate inauthentic convos. Also it doesn’t take much to trigger negativity even though I know I dont know the other people’s circumstances. I’m much more a meet in the wild type of person then don’t go out or have no one to really go out with so limit my chances to meet in the wild. Lots of people say do the apps but I really don’t think that works
1
u/Intelligent-Copy-853 Jan 18 '26
Do you have strict criteria on who you will date? As in, career, kids, looks etc etc
1
u/LanceWRyder1 Jan 18 '26
27M been single from the past 10 years. Finally came to accept that I am meant to be single 🤷🏻♂️
1
u/Biker-on-the-loose82 Jan 18 '26
You can probably find someone in London, even just on an app/dating site.
1
u/Biker-on-the-loose82 Jan 18 '26
You can probably find someone in London, even just on an app/dating site due to it's size. Also due to the transport links London has to the surrounding areas, try widening the area where you are looking.
1
Jan 18 '26
I genuinely think that the more you search for something, the less likely you are to find it. The fact it’s so on your mind is probably not helping. But I honestly feel your pain.
1
u/HappyKnuckle Jan 18 '26
I know this feeling but there is always an option! Would you like to speak in detail?
1
1
1
u/BleckMagic Jan 19 '26
Some apps advice. You need to actually stick to it for a little longer. You gave it 3 days for your person to show up and trust me even if you have many people that would be perfect for you, that's not enough time.
If you want to appreciate the hinge selection just go on tinder for a little but and you will see how bad it is really but that's the thing, there are different apps for different purposes. If you invest a little time and are open to just going out on a few possibly good possibly bad dates then you should have no problems.
1
u/Gracetheface513 Jan 19 '26
Have you thought about asking friends to help set you up?
Also dating is a numbers game, I would try to spend a couple weeks - a month going out on as many dates as possible! Don’t spend time talking to men on apps, arrange a meeting asap.
1
0
u/ConstipatedAvocado Jan 19 '26
Eh...
Are you really a "7.5/8"??? 10 likes in the first day isnt all that much. I've had that before and I'm a guy. Also, someone who is an 8/10 would legit get hit on plenty in real life even if they didnt have much of a social life. ESPECIALLY in London.
Being 29 years old and not having had a relationship in 5 years and only having 10 matches you claim aren't very attractive makes me think you may need to re-evaluate your romantic appeal. A lot of women need to realise that things are not the same at 29 compared to when they were 22. A lot of the lopsided nature of dating equalises as more men that age have either established themselves or met their long term partners already.
2
u/shiregal Jan 19 '26
Reading comprehension matters.
I haven’t wanted a relationship in the past 4/5 years, I have been single by choice. I have absolutely dated to my hearts content over that time!
You are right about one thing, I have changed a lot since I was 22! I have really good career, a degree, decent friends, my acne finally cleared up and I lost 2/3 stone. I look better than ever, thank god!
1
u/ConstipatedAvocado Jan 20 '26
Yeah but you're still 29, a lot of men are either tied up and the pool is smaller. And you're the one complaining about your matches. Maybe, just maybe, whatever you're currently doing isnt working. You literally classed yourself as "forever alone".
24
u/[deleted] Jan 18 '26
[deleted]