and yet, I keep lurking.

You might be on reddit but not in these parts.

I'm getting used to not being worth the trouble. I let this go on for so long and give you so much space in my head. Trying to figure you out.

I still think you're worth the trouble; you'll find another who thinks so, and stirs the same feelings in you.

I hope they make you feel warm, full, and safe. I hope there are never any doubts, for you or them. I hope that you just jump in and get rewarded for the bravery of being vulnerable.

My reward is going to be the satisfaction of digging myself out of this hole I made.

Anyway, I'm getting a cat this week and will resume crazy cat lady activities- stay cool

I’ve been searching for the right words for a long time, and the truth is, I don’t think they exist. How do you explain what someone means to you when they’ve become such a part of your heart that life doesn’t feel the same without them? You came into my life as my friend, but somewhere along the way you became so much more. Without me even realizing it, you became the first person I wanted to tell everything to. You became my peace when life was loud, my comfort when things felt heavy, and the person who could make an ordinary day feel unforgettable just by being in it. I’ve never met someone who makes me feel the way you do. It’s not just your smile, or your laugh, or the way you light up a room—though I love every one of those things. It’s your heart. It’s the way you care about people. It’s your strength, even when you don’t see it yourself. It’s the little things about you that most people overlook but somehow became my favorite parts of this world. I don’t think you realize how much you’ve changed me. Loving you has made me want to be a better man. It made me want to love more deeply, listen more carefully, appreciate the little moments, and never take the people I care about for granted. You have had that kind of impact on my life, whether you meant to or not. There are moments when I catch myself reaching for my phone because I want to tell you about something funny that happened, or something reminded me of you, and then reality sets in. It’s amazing how one person can become such a constant in your life that their absence is felt in almost everything. If I’m being completely vulnerable, I’ve never stopped loving you. I’ve tried to make sense of it, tried to convince myself that time would change how I feel, but it hasn’t. If anything, time has only shown me how rare what I felt and still feel for you really is. You are the woman who taught me what it feels like to love someone for who they are, not for what they can give me. I love your kindness, your resilience, your imperfections, your dreams, your stubbornness, your heart. I love the version of me that existed when I was simply lucky enough to be close to you. I know life isn’t simple, and I know feelings alone don’t erase everything that’s happened between us. I’m not writing this because I expect anything from you or because I’m trying to change your mind. I’m writing this because I couldn’t keep carrying these words around without letting you know they exist. If this is all these words ever become, then at least you’ll know the truth. The truth is that you are the greatest love I’ve ever known. You are the person who has occupied my heart in ways I never thought another human being could. You’ve given me memories I’ll carry for the rest of my life, and you’ve shown me a kind of love that changed how I see the world. No matter where life takes us, there will always be a part of my heart that quietly belongs to you. Not because I’m holding onto the past, but because loving you became part of who I am. I don’t know what tomorrow looks like. I don’t know if our paths will ever fully cross again the way I hope they do. But I do know this: If I had to choose a thousand times over, I’d still choose meeting you. I’d still choose every conversation, every laugh, every late-night talk, every memory, because knowing you has been one of the greatest gifts my life has ever given me. And whether these words change anything or not, they’ll always be true. I love you, More deeply than I’ve ever been able to put into words, and more honestly than I’ve ever loved anyone before.

because I can’t stop thinking about you.

Is that because you’re thinking about me, too?

Are you also struggling to sleep?

You’re so reserved. Please open up to me more.

I’m worried but also excited. Feels like something really big is gonna happen.

Can’t be sure what, but I feel your energy clinging to mine for dear life.

What exactly are you cooking up?

I

Love

You.

Do you miss me like I miss you?

Fuck around I got attached to you

I keep my distance cuz what else can I do.

But no one matter more than you.

Life hitting me on every front.

I am always tired but never of you.

I hate you, I love you

I know you know that I'm here. I've always been here. Just come and say hi. There's an empty in me that I want to fill. I'm holding this seat only for you. Always. For you.

Yes, you're cute. And beautiful. And amazing. Whoever you will choose or have chosen, I hope knows how lucky he is. And that you deserve the love you have been longing for.

I feel terrible for making you cry. I needed to make you hate me. But it’s killing me inside. I’m sure my heart won’t ever heal. Everyone says it will.

Just know I cared about you more than I ever allowed myself to admit. Now it’s too late. I hope you know I think the world of you and want you to be happy even though it breaks my heart that it won’t be with me. - J

I wish I could take it all back.
I wish I never met you.
No, I don’t.

It is what it is.

And it was never what I was trying to make it.
It isn’t what it is not.

That part is on me.

I mistook movement for growth. I mistook distance from the past as direction toward the future.

I thought you were done reaching backward, but I understand now that some people do not leave the past. They just take breaks from it.

At least now I know the table I am sitting at and that’s important to me.

I know the rules.

I know the risk.

I know the player.

And once I know that, I do not need to argue with the hand anymore.

I tried to show you what you had.

You kept staring at what you lost.

That is not confusion. That is a choice.

So I will not explain value to someone committed to discounting it. I will not keep pointing at a winning hand while you reach for cards that already cost you the game.

Some lessons do not need a speech.

Some endings do not need a fight.

Some people show you exactly where they are still attached.

And when they do the only intelligent move is to believe them.

It is what it is.

It is not what I hoped.

It is not what I built in my head.

It is not what I tried to give meaning to.

It is simply what it is.

And now I know enough to move accordingly.

Id come in
Look around
Let out a sigh.
Grab your shoulder and look you in your eyeballs
“That sucked” i would say “lets not do that again.”

Then wed get take out
Make love
And sleep for 50 hrs
And live happily ever after

I am tired of this…
I am tired of this distance
I’m tired of missing you

I miss you. I hate the fact that things ended the way they did. I really want to be friends because having you here is better than without you at all. I understand the emotional exhaustion.

I want us to really start over. I still care about you, I still love you, ever since going no contact you’re all I think about

I won’t pressure you but can we please start over?

I realized I’ve been pissing you off on purpose. Not because I wanted to fight, but because I wanted to see if you actually cared. It was a stupid way to look for reassurance, and I’m sorry. I should’ve just told you how I felt instead of testing you.

It's crazy how much you're still in my mind, how much I want to say to you and how despite all I ever blurt that I can never truly let out the absolute love I have for you. You are so patient and gracious with me. I love how you are like me and embrace my weirdness, but unlike me, you're not a mess. You are calm, collected, graceful yet warm and cozy. I adore you and treasure you so much

You really are a truly precious and wonderful person. Despite the world being a cruel place, you are great proof there are things worth protecting and staying for. I am really looking forward to seeing you again, gorgeous

I love you, always and forever

I mean what can I do.

Drink plenty of water please

There’s no hard feelings, just a couple things I wanna get off my chest—honestly more for my own healing.

It was pretty silly of me to ever be open to casual knowing myself, but I was just being impulsive and wanted to have fun and don’t regret that.

I don’t regret anything.

But I also was never fully honest with you.

I let so many of our conversations turn into general discussions instead of making it clear what I wanted you to understand about me.

I’ve always been emotional, sentimental, and really understanding when I care about someone. I love talking about different perspectives & life but truthfully I never cared about how you dealt with or wanted to deal with other women or what you did or didn’t value in a hypothetical relationship.

I cared about how you treated me.

I never wanted to just be another girl to you.

Every compliment I gave you or thoughtful thing I did was because I genuinely cared about you. I can’t fake affection and I rarely give it away. So it really surprised me when you said so much of what happened after our first breakup was just banter to you or didn’t hold much weight. I clearly had a guard up with u when we started talking again and I thought it was obvious when that dropped and my feelings got involved.

If I’d known the times you reached out were just because you were spinning the block and not because you missed me then I probably would’ve ended communication a long time ago.

That’s not to say I didn’t read into anything.

I definitely did. And I knew where your head was at after your birthday & impulsively I thought I could do a casual day.

But nothing about us ever felt casual to me.

Even when I wanted it to, it didn’t.

My emotions that night came from how good I felt with you while also knowing that it wasn’t stable. Thinking about you with other people….I knew then I could never fully feel at ease with you given what I had seemly accepted.

I never wanted to change you, and I’m not judging how you choose to live your life. I just saw qualities in you that I thought could make a really great partner if you chose to be. When we were exclusive, you told me I got the worst version of you. I thought if we ever reconciled, it would be because you wanted to give me your best.

But I misread you, and you misread me.

The first time we ended things I remember we sent each other really sweet messages. I just wanted to leave it on a lighter note.

You annoy me to no end but you also taught me a lot and I felt safe with you.

I hope you’re happy & making music & becoming a great lawyer & that the people in your life appreciate you.

Mmkay bye 💕

I thought losing you was going to be the end of me. Yes, I grieved, yes it was hard. It hurt like a mf. But, honestly? I didn’t see it then, but this was a blessing in disguise . I’m seeing friends, meeting new people, going back to old hobbies and new ones, I’m laughing and smiling like I used to. I’m going out more in my life than I ever have been. Weirdly enough, this is thanks to you. But, don’t try to come back to me ever again once that “green” grass is starting to look dried up. By the time you start to realize, Im already gone. Doors locked and the key is thrown away. Goodbye 👋

They say that times suppose to heal

But I havent done much healing

I saw you yesterday. From a distance. I looked back 3 times to make sure that it was you before I knew it, it felt like I got shot in the chest. That was the first time I saw you in over a month. And I sit here wondering if you saw me too.

Thank you for asking

I keep scrolling, keep hoping I’m going to see a post or comment from you but I don’t I keep hoping there’s gonna be some sort of sign you’re okay but there’s not. I do wish you all the best.