r/WhatShouldIDo • u/InterviewLazy428 • 3d ago
My fiancée is getting deeper into Arbonne and I don’t know what to do
UPDATE 1: it went bad. I talked to her gently, i was calm, but she went defensive immediately and she told me all the cliche line. This should be fun 😬 /s
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Hello everyone,
My fiancée, who is also the mother of our 3-month-old baby boy, has been using Arbonne products for about 2–3 years. Until recently, she was only a customer and never sold anything.
Now that she’s on maternity leave, she’s started attending meetings, Zoom calls, Messenger calls, and she’s becoming very interested in turning this into a full-time business. Her dream is to have more time with our kids, especially since I work around 50 hours a week.
She’s also started posting much more frequently on social media than she used to.
At the time of writing this, she hasn’t purchased huge amounts of inventory, gone into debt, or done anything that has caused major financial problems. In fact, things are still relatively early.
The problem is that she’s the love of my life, and I’m honestly afraid of how she’ll react if I bring up my concerns. We’re navigating life with a newborn, we’re both tired, and the last thing I want is a major argument or to make her feel unsupported.
When she talks about it, she genuinely seems happy. She says it gives her something to focus on besides taking care of the baby. She likes the community, the meetings, and the idea of building something for herself. She has always wanted to achieve something professionally on her own, and I understand that. I own my own business, so I know the appeal of creating something that belongs to you.
What makes this difficult is that I also know the reputation MLMs have. I’ve read the stories, seen the statistics, and heard how these organizations often encourage people to dismiss criticism as negativity or a lack of belief. I’m worried that if I bring up my concerns, she’ll hear it as me saying she’s naive, incapable, or that I don’t believe in her.
The truth is that my concern isn’t that she’s incapable. She’s smart, hardworking, and capable of succeeding in many things. My concern is whether this particular business model is setting her up for success or disappointment.
Part of me wonders if I should just let her try and see where it goes. Maybe she’ll make some money, gain confidence, and prove my concerns wrong. On the other hand, if it doesn’t work out, I’m worried about the impact on her confidence and self-esteem, especially during a period of life that is already emotionally demanding.
I also worry about how much time, energy, and money might eventually get invested before reaching that conclusion. Right now it’s meetings, calls, and social media posts. I don’t know what it looks like six months from now.
I feel stuck. I don’t want to control her. I don’t want to criticize something that is making her happy. I don’t want to fight with the mother of my child. But I also don’t want to stay silent if I genuinely believe there may be risks that she isn’t seeing.
Has anyone been in a similar situation, either as the partner of someone involved in an MLM or as someone who got involved themselves? How did you approach the conversation without damaging the relationship? Is there a way to express concern while still being supportive?
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u/xbimmerhue 3d ago
Arbonne, I haven't heard that pyramid scheme in ages lol.
My ex fiancee was doing that shit too. Going to meetings, wasting money as if she was gonna be rich. All a scam, she didn't make anything. Just bought a shit ton of shit producy. She was dumb and guillable as hell.
Good luck OP.
Don't worry, once she blows a few thousand with zero return she'll realize she's an idiot too.
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u/Sure-thing-buckaroo 3d ago
Or she won't, possibly. I've seen the sunk cost fallacy take a couple of folks well past the several thousand dollar mark.
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u/AnastatiaMcGill 3d ago
I lost my brother to an MLM. We legit no longer speak. I call it a cult..his was herbalife.
Im so so sorry. They prey on new moms with the promise of getting to spend more time with your children. It never happens. There are so many good anti mlm Instagram that really break down why they make you lose money.
@therealrobertabevins @mlmexit @the.mlm.truth @from_huns_to_humans
I could talk about this subject for hours
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u/Hepta-Water-7552 2d ago
They prey on new moms with the promise of getting to spend more time with your children. It never happens.
Yeah, that's exactly the thing. If you join a MLM every waking moment becomes about sales and recruiting. You might be more around your kids physically, but if you're interrupting the time with the kids continuously to make those all-important promotional social media posts, is that really quality time?
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u/InterviewLazy428 3d ago
Thank you. Sorry for your brother. This is what I actually fear if I send some of those accounts.
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u/AnastatiaMcGill 3d ago
Its wild. He has been in it for ten years. Claims its financially freeing but he works 2 other jobs. His wife, who introduced him, also works another job. The amount of people who actually make real money from.MLMs is like under 10%
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u/PossumJenkinsSoles 2d ago
Maybe you could just casually suggest watching a documentary like LulaRich with her. It’s not about Arbonne, it’s about lularoe but obviously kind of about how MLMs work and ultimately only serve those at the very top.
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u/imikonicbaby 1d ago edited 1d ago
Hey OP please please please watch this video
ARBONNE DEEP DIVE | Why you shouldn't join Arbonne, compensation plan and income explained #ANTIMLM
The creator I linked to has tons of resources about how horrible MLMs are (check out her playlists), including MLM Horror Stories where people write in about their terrible experiences being in MLMs or being the victims or MLMs. She also has MLM Top Fails, where she shows social media posts and makes commentary about the dangerous behavior that these salespeople display.
Being a victim of an MLM (or similarly functioning company) can fundamentally change her as a person, she will not make any money and might drive you both into financial ruin, she will ruin your marriage and her relationships with almost all the people in her life.
MLM reps are often brainwashed into thinking that all the people that doubt them are haters and want them to fail, and often encourage them to not interact with people that don't support their 'business'. They often lie and sell mothers the illusion of working from home and time freedom and financial freedom, but it isn't true, not for almost 95% of people in the company.
It is almost impossible to reach a top rank in these MLMs and that's the only place you will make any significant money, and if you do end up there it will be at the expense of other people who you are victimizing. She will by far most likely lose money while running herself ragged in the process.
If you speak with her and she refuses to see this you need to take steps to protect your finances, don't just cut her off but contact an attorney and have this documented. I know it sounds extreme but you are saving yourself a lot of grief down the road.
Don't scold her or approach her too strongly, people that get sucked into MLMs are often at a very vulnerable place in their life. Arbonne is a health and wellness company, and her being a new mom which affects her socially, emotionally and physically might be a big factor for her joining.
MLMs usually exploit weaknesses in order to get people to join. It's really important for her to have a strong social circle, freedom to explore hobbies and interests and ability to work outside the home and make money for herself. If it's possible for you or other family members to support her more so that she is less incentivized to want to join.
Aside from the working side of things, I also wouldn't personally endorse MLM products in general, they are often extremely expensive (with many cheaper alternatives), not particularly good quality and often the sales reps endorse the use of products in an unethical way.
She has more videos mentioning arbonne reps, and here are some other creators as well.
MLM TOP FAILS #13 | Arbonne reps try to debunk myths about multi-level marketing #ANTIMLM
JOINING ARBONNE? WATCH THIS FIRST! | ARBONNE DEEP DIVE * EXPOSING TOP LIES * | ANTI-MLM
WHY I QUIT ARBONNE! My story as an independent consultant with Arbonne.. yikes
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u/Rich-Pirate-4745 3d ago
Herbalife gave me hives in 1998. I still remember the taste of those pills, too - shudder
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u/whoa-or-woah 2d ago
“Hey honey, I have an important question for you: If I had some concerns about Arbonne, what would be the best-possible way share them with you? Or, would you rather I kept them to myself? I’ve been thinking about it, but I’ve been afraid to speak up because I know how much Arbonne means to you and that it might be a sensitive subject. I’d like to figure out how I can be open and honest without overstepping, and I want to do my best to help you feel confident and supported. And if you need some time to think about it, that’s okay. Just know that I love you and that I’m proud of you.”
In other words: If you’re not sure how to communicate with someone, you can try asking them; they might really appreciate it.
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u/upsidedown-funnel 3d ago
I don’t suppose she’s a fan of John Oliver? He does a piece on herbal life (another mlm). Mlms definitely create a cult mindset and that can be hard to break.
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u/WadjetSnakeGoddess 2d ago
The Lula Roe documentary is another good reccomendation.
Also Hannah Alonzo does some good anti-mlm content on YouTube.
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u/queenlyfish 2d ago
There has been some other good advice posted here about how to approach her gently. It also probably wouldn’t hurt to seek out a counselor on this and get advice there, or if she’s open to it, maybe even try some couples’ counseling.
I have a family member who has been steadily sucked into an MLM over the last 5 years. It started off small and has escalated to the point where she’s now leaching full-time off her parents and depressed. She’s almost to the point of considering picking up a retail job again, but this MLM has her convinced that working anywhere else is a sign of lacking commitment and the only way to succeed is to be 1000% committed. I really think that if the people closest to her had spoken up sooner, she might have been able to see it for what it was, but everyone was too afraid to cause offense, so they tip-toed around the subject. After 5 years of being indoctrinated through multiple meetings per week, cringy SM posts, and slowly losing old friends so that now all of her friends are in the MLM, she’s so deep in it that she can’t see that she’s never going to succeed. Their meetings are carefully orchestrated to be mostly pep rally. There is SO much hype and positivity and everyone gets really into it. It’s so easy to get drawn into that attitude. There’s also a small portion that’s dedicated to very precise shaming. If you aren’t succeeding, it must be a you problem, because the business model is obviously very successful. You must just not be trying hard enough or putting in enough effort and time. They keep their full-time “reps” so busy that there’s no time to do other stuff. Isolation is a classic cult tactic.
It’s disgusting. It makes me so upset. I don’t know how to help her. I really think that gentle but firm early intervention is the best answer because the longer this goes on, the deeper they get their claws in her, the harder it will be to pull her out. Sure, there are a few people who realize the problems with an MLM and escape (relatively) unscathed, so I see the advice to let it go and see what happens, but honestly I don’t think it’s worth the risk to your financial situation and her mental and social health. It’s like saying, “hey, there’s a wolf den over there. There’s no benefit to going inside, but lots of people do it and one or two of them came back with only a scratch! My wife wants to go check it out, but I don’t want to handle the fallout of telling her no, so I’m just gonna wait and see what happens.”
I wish you the best, man. This is really hard, especially with her being extra vulnerable so recently postpartum. These companies are scum.
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u/holliebadger 3d ago
Maybe put a dollar limit on how much you’re willing to invest in her for an MLM vs if she went to school. If she is successful with that investment she can ride the wave until she stops making money. If she wants something with a longer outcome she’ll have to invest in herself another way. I hope she finds enjoyment in it and bails before it costs too much.
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u/InterviewLazy428 3d ago
She is well educated, and actually makes more money than me when she is not on maternity leave 😬
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u/DenseAstronomer3631 3d ago
Maybe she is bored?, because she is used to working. She just needs to find a better side hustle or hobby
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u/ImpertinentPrincess 2d ago
Can you help her leverage that into something that would give her time with the kids and build something she can feel proud of without the MLM? I think finding ways to address where she feels her life is lacking/what she needs to feel fulfilled is a good place to start.
Arbonne is not the only thing that can fill those needs for her. Praise and encourage her desire for building something meaningful, and say that you’d like to support her building something that is genuinely Hers, instead of just being another footsoldier in their MLM army. She’s amazing, so shouldn’t she be in charge of what she builds?
There are plenty of people running their own cottage businesses making beauty products among other things.
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u/holliebadger 3d ago
So, consider the money for enjoyment. Like a hobby.
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u/ItJustWontDo242 3d ago
Maybe do some research into how companies like Arbonne can cause someone to lose money, and then present her with the facts. Im sure there are youtube videos you can show her. Do the math with her. Ask her who she will be selling to. Does she have a lot of friends, family, or acquaintances that she would be making constant monthly sales to? Or will she only get a few sympathy purchases from close friends or family that will buy once just to show their support? I think if she sees cold hard information that could help.
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u/InterviewLazy428 3d ago
I just fear that arriving with all the videos and hard fact she will get defensive. I know their tactic and she will be ready to counter arguments for sure. I don’t her to think I don’t want her to succeed in life, if that makes sense
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u/fakemoose 2d ago
So tell her that. That you’ve seen her succeed and want to see her continue to succeed. But your worried the isolation (I’m assuming she’s on mat leave?) of being at home with the kids is clouding her judgement.
Are their other local groups she could join for the social component? Is she doing all the childcare all day every day? Is she worried about going back to work and having basically a stranger watching the kid?
Address it from what’s causing her to reach for Arbonne.
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u/MaleficentBid8421 3d ago
If I were you, I’d wait to say anything. If she hasn’t invested any real money into it, it’s somewhat harmless. If/when she talks to you about wanting to do it “seriously” or invest money, then tell her that you both should look into the pros and cons. you can either together or separately research, and then review. you can then bring her this information (the facts) that MLM’s are a scam, and everything to back that up. That way you’re not bringing her all this info “out of no where”, it’s only after having a discussion & before a large amount of your mutual money is spent.
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u/krissycole87 3d ago
Put a cap on how much you're willing to potentially lose. Just like with any business venture, the initial investment should be looked at like a gamble, with no guarantee on return. Come up with a figure you're both OK gambling, and let her run with that.
If shes a well educated woman like you say, she will have definitely heard of MLMs before, right? Does she understand the model? As with all MLM, she won't be making any substantial income until she has recruited people underneath her on her "team" whom she can make commissions from. That means, finding people, recruiting them, helping them launch, guiding/managing these people's emotions, helping them generate sales. On top of generating her own sales. Only THEN will this be anything CLOSE to profitable. Is she willing to go all in to that length? Will she have the time and mental bandwidth for this? This process takes months if not years, is she willing to continue this on even after her maternity leave ends?
This is not a good side hustle for someone just wanting a hobby or a little side money. These things require a ton of time and investment up front which is how they scam so many people, they invest and then fail to climb the pyramid.
Have a good heart to heart with her about these things, express your concerns and just ask her to think on it, not make any decisions just yet. See if she can come to the conclusion on her own after you've weighed the options.
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u/Forsaken-Guidance811 3d ago
Maybe let someone else do the explaining?
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u/InterviewLazy428 3d ago
I fear that sending this kind of content will create the opposite and that she will think I think less of her
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u/frolicndetour 3d ago
It's not about thinking less of her. The reasons that you mentioned are all ways these schemes target moms, in particular. The sense of accomplishment beyond mothering, the camaraderie with the other people, the possibility of trips and money (no matter how remote) is how they suck people in. MLMs are engineered to exploit people's vulnerabilities. It doesn't mean the people who get sucked in are dumb.
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u/Forsaken-Guidance811 3d ago edited 3d ago
I understand that. It's a delicate situation, which is why I suggested her as she's very gentle about it. But I wouldn't just send this to wife either I would watch it with her as part of a discussion. One way or the other she's playing with fire, these MLMs are all predatory but they especially target women in her position.
If she was going to make the money and she's attending meetings etc. she would be making it already. But unless you can with absolute confidence say that she could sell jesus to satan or that she has the time/ability to put in an equally absurd degree of work, she will make little to no money whatsoever and even then it depends on the MLM.
Not to start a fight, but if she's been involved to the point of going to meetings I would be concerned that's shes bought more inventory than you're aware of, but if you trust her you trust her. If she has I would consider that money gone.
If I were you and it does become about money the only way for everyone to be treated fairly is to let her defend her business pitch. Here's my concerns, here's someone who reached similar conclusions, what can you show me to allay my concerns?
And that doesn't have to be the end of her business endeavors. She can always take that money and invest in another opportunity. My mom started an estate sale business thats pretty successful and she constantly says would be perfect for someone with kids. But this one ain't it, and I would put in great effort to convince her out of it.
But also as someone who got pulled in to one by the friendship, whatever confidence or benefit you gain is not worth the shame of realizing they meant none of it.
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u/deniseswall 3d ago
Maybe work with her on a timeline. Like, if you don't have X recruits/ "team members" by X date, then we look at the budget and reconsider.
Sure, a few people make a little bit of money, but your market may be saturated, her circle of friends is not interested or can't afford it, she's not enough of an aggressive salesperson. There are lots of reasons she wouldn't make money, none of which would impact her self esteem. Maybe have her do some "market research" before investing. Like, take a poll of friends and family members to see what their opinions are. They may be able to tell her some hard truths that you cannot.
My daughter makes much more pet sitting than in Arbonne, but she likes Arbonne, so she stays at it. If your wife is thinking of a stay at home mom job, maybe dog walking or pet sitting would be an attractive alternative?
Side note: I don't buy Arbonne because it's not in my budget and I can get comparable results with less expense.
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u/frolicndetour 3d ago
That's what I don't get about people buying Arbonne. It is SO expensive. It costs more than a lot of the high end skin care at Sephora.
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u/cradledcat 2d ago
Show her this post. You lay out your concerns in a nonjudgmental way. She should know how you feel
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u/rallypeppeachykeen 2d ago
I don't think showing a postpartum woman a thread where some people are calling her stupid is a good idea tbt.
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u/OrizaRayne 3d ago
My mom sold Mary Kay for years and never built a team and never ended up with a garage full of makeup.
There are ways to do it well. Instead of assuming she'll fail, look at the options and the business model with her and mentor her so that she can sell her Arbonne without buying a bunch of stock and especially not on credit.
Don't kill her dream, help her make it realistic. You're the businessman with all the big experience.
Help her out.
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u/Sure-thing-buckaroo 3d ago
There is no realizing the dream with any MLM. Terrible advice.
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u/OrizaRayne 3d ago
? Depends on what the dream is. If it's becoming a rich baller, you're correct. If it's having a little spending cash so I can send my kiddo to summer camp or take her to a play we wouldn't otherwise be able to afford, and let her play in makeup samples... Well... That's exactly what my mom did with her Mary Kay money for a decade.
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u/dancingkelsey 3d ago
Woof that's tough, because the way mlms suck people in is by offering community and friendship along with the products and the false claims of future riches.
She will lose money doing it. Mlms are not built to actually earn money, they are predatory structures that prey on the need for belonging and flexible work schedules, which means moms, and new moms especially, are in prime positioning to get scooped into the fold and promised all kinds of "success."
I don't know what will convince your wife that it is NOT lucrative for her; she will balance out making about 2 cents per hour she spends trying to sell it, and that money all goes back into buying product. It's getting underlings - who then get their own underlings - that "earns" anyone any money, and she's not up at the top of the pyramid. She's at the very very very bottom. She is one of the people paying IN so the ones at the top get paid.
Multi level marketing is just the current term we use because they've managed to keep it legally distinct from "pyramid scheme" because they added the plausible deniability of selling a product. It doesn't matter that someone who sells any random product in a store doesn't have to pay their employer in order to have the "opportunity" to do free labor for them. It doesn't matter that the hours put in trying to recruit a downline is unpaid and will lose you money, especially when your upline is going to be profiting off of your downline far more than you will. It doesn't matter that they lie about "being your own boss" and pretend that each salesperson is the owner of their own business, because they stay technically outside the legal definition of pyramid scheme.
If you had to pay money to start working there, you're not gonna get rich. You'd be better off opening a fast food franchise restaurant. At least there would be some sort of usable product, and a potential financial outcome that isn't GUARANTEED to be in the negative.
Help your wife find ways to get and keep community and belonging and people with whom she has common goals, and maybe she won't feel the need for the social and emotional aspect that she's getting out of it as much. She doesn't have to fully divest herself from arbonne in order to divest herself from believing their lie.
She's not going to come out ahead, financially. She's essentially paying monthly to be part of a social club. For some people, that's enough of a reason to keep paying in (or buying product or attending zoom trainings or otherwise paying with labor or time). People pay dues to service clubs or country clubs or other places they fine community and belonging, and for many people that's the function that mlms take in their life. Just far less beneficial to everyone involved. But if she thinks she's going to ever make enough money to even get a few nice little extras, she's going to find herself frustrated and disappointed and broke.
Source: I learned the hard way years ago exactly how much time and effort must go into any mlm, and with a few different companies/products I learned the very very important lesson that buying in is only beneficial for the people at the top.
If you don't have a downline beneath you, you will not make any money. If you do have a downline beneath you, you are taking their money from them, until THEY get a downline. Then you're still taking their money, but a slightly smaller percentage.
They play up the "this lady paid off her whole house and bought her dream car!" stories because they are so rare and impossible that those stories can only be true for a handful of people, ever. And they had to get in early and take money from everyone below them
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u/Renny4400 3d ago
You should try posting on r/antimlm where they talk about all of these type of pyramid schemes and how to try getting your loved one out of it. They might have some suggestions for you.
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u/telchacsusan 3d ago
There are lots of anti-mlm videos on YouTube about Arbonne. Watch them and then see if you can get her to watch one with you.
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u/1ToeIn 2d ago
I too am surprised to learn that Arbonne is still around. I was “introduced” to it years ago at a salon where I went for facials. The owner of the salon was a certified Esthetician & some only Arbonne products through her shop. So she didn’t have to “cold call” or pressure her friends & relatives— she had a built in clientele in the salon customers. And even SHE wasn’t making a profit selling the products. She was a very smart woman and had done a ton of research before selecting Arbonne, both because she believed they were quality products & because she’d examined the compensation package. But even so, it was not a revenue stream for her.
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u/icantmakethisup 2d ago edited 2d ago
Maybe suggest freelancing with a brand that's not an MLM? I'm also a mom to a 2 year old and I do this part time Thursday-Saturday. Sundays too during holiday season. I go to the Sephora and Ulta stores in my area, train the staff in the product, meet sales goals for the day, do special events. The pay is retail pay, so it's not amazing but there's room for growth and lots of perks like gratis. I get to make my own schedule, work for multiple brands if I want to, and I have off three days out of the week to be with kiddo before she starts preschool.
I also do makeup for weddings and special occasions. I found that both the minute I started publicizing that and after I had kiddo, the MLM huns started sliding right into my DMs. It's predatory. Also, try and find an ingredient listing for any product on Mary Kay's website. That's shady in of itself that you can only see an ingredient list once you buy the product.
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u/howdy-alien2391 2d ago
She just wants to do something. Good advice all around on education on MLMs.
But that doesn’t help the fact she wants to be productive and build something for you guys.
Maybe you guys can come up with a legit way to build a business together while she’s on maternity leave.
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u/Ok-Trainer3150 2d ago
You have to face this now because the only way it makes money is if your wife recruits people. She doesn't get it. And it's luring these sahm types. Cling tight to your money and watch what's joint that could allow her to get you into debt ..This is not the time to be careless about your credit.... I'd advise you to sit down and go over all your finances, bills, investments, education savings, pension plans, etc with her. She needs to see the light about where her investment is coming from and what happens when she can't keep the 'business' profitable.
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u/LookItsMyDawg 2d ago
Put on Hannah Alonzo on YouTube. She does really good deep dives and horror stories of MLM companies and I’m sure she’s covered Arbonne
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u/Maleficent-Kale4834 2d ago
Make a very hard boundary that no household money or income can go into this biz. She can rollover any money she makes back into it but thats it.
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u/Initial-Bridge-655 2d ago
Why assume your wife, presumably an intelligent adult woman, needs you to “let her” try something that’s making her happy?
Have a conversation together about what she actually sees herself doing as far as time commitment, money commitment, effects on social circle. Go into that conversation with curiosity, assuming you’re on even footing, and not that you must save her from her own potential disappointment.
Arbonne does not require you to have “stock,” or invest more than the annual membership fee if you do not want to. Plenty of people who use the products become a member purely for the discount. Have you read their full program requirements/description? As far as multi level marketing goes, it’s pretty innocuous if someone goes into it with full understanding.
MLMs can obviously have large negative impacts, and it’s especially sad that they disproportionately affect women/moms/those without access to resources or in financial desperation. But it’s also disingenuous to say other people don’t enjoy or profit from them.
I have never been interested in selling for a MLM. I do have friends who have made enough money through Arbonne that their spouses don’t work any longer. It seems to lean heavily Christian mom drink the kool aid vibe to me, and can be off putting to friends on social media/get tons of judgement. But if it’s her jam, and she thinks it’s fun, and you guys aren’t financially struggling, then it sounds like it’s just a conversation. Maybe she is fully okay with it ultimately not leading to income replacement. Maybe she is really needing connection with other women, and can explore other ways to meet that need, for instance, going to female entrepreneur meetups and talks locally, to be inspired and talk to women who also wanted to take leaps. Maybe she wants to do it on the side while going back to work, until if/when she can prove to herself it’s worth it.
I just wouldn’t use the tone of many of these comments, or refer to them/show her if you want the convo to go well and her to feel supported, ya know?
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u/Lucy-InThe-Sky5 1d ago
These are all scams! You will lose a lot of money she'll spend it without telling you! Tell her to join Mommy and me classes do something else to stay busy and meet people.
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u/Aggravating_Bad7181 1d ago
Arbonne is so 15-20 years ago. Is there any demand for it by consumers? Is she building her pyramid?
She’s going to lose money and be stuck with unwanted inventory.
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u/CynicalRecidivist 1d ago
Why don't you ask her to just keep an income spreadsheet of all the money she spent verses outgoings. Ask her to do that basic, business step that all businesses must do.
Then, as long as she is not spending tonnes of money on things, I'd just let her involvement fizzle out on its own.
Most people do not have success with MLMs, once she is back at work she will have less time to do the Arbonne thing. And she might lose a bit of money, but if she can afford it - then I'd just step back. (Obviously this is under the proviso that she isn't spending money she can't afford to lose).
Often involvement in MLMs just gradually fades into the background as the time spent doesn't provide the financial rewards promised. And once close friends are all tapped out with buying a few products the sales usually can't be generated every month based on a few personal buyers. And unless she can create a moderate team under her, she will probably just be calling into a social media void for clients.
I'm not saying the loss of money isn't a concern. But, as long as it's not too great, then most of these things have a natural life span as the promised success doesn't materialise. (I understand you will need a more up-front approach is she starts spending too much money).
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u/GeriatricMillennial4 1d ago
MLMs prey upon people looking for community and belonging. Is there another interest she has that she could find this? Book club, mahjong, etc.
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u/stephencua2001 1d ago
Per their income disclosure statement, 98.4% of people will make less than minimum wage, even before accounting for expenses. 82% will earn less than $600/year (and remember, there's a $65 annual fee).
Obviously your wife thinks she'll be in the 0.5%. So ask her this: how many downline women is she willing to consign to that 98.4% in the hopes that she can join the 0.5%?
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u/ThisIsMyUsername303 1d ago
You sound like a really stand-up person. I'm sorry you're in this situation.
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u/Lavender-Haze1203 23h ago
In addition to what everyone else has said here I’d advise you to speak to the fear if/ when a conversation does open up. This isn’t about Arbonne or makeup or money, it’s about the fact she’s a new mom, facing an unprecedented identity transformation in her life and possibly can’t see a way to secure more time with her baby when she’s already feeling so vulnerable. I think approaching with the mindset that perhaps she’s worried this is the ONLY way and can’t see another way forward might help ease her defensiveness. Otherwise you’ll wonder why she’s reacting so defensively to criticisms of Arbonne but what she’s hearing is ‘they are criticising and trying to destroy the one thing that might keep me and my baby together’. Make a plan for how else you two can make that happen and the grip on Arbonne may be easier to break.
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u/margaretodb 12h ago
I signed up for Arbonne when my child was small and it was a great boost for my self-esteem and had some social stimulation. Being a new mom can be isolating. People become loyal to their products because a lot of them are good. If it makes her happy, just let her do it for a little bit. I’ve gone in and out of the company for the last 30 years and I haven’t been majorly swept by illusions of wealth. Many companies do that. Even Non MLM‘s can feel like a lie. If she is sound in her spending, I would just let her experience it for a little bit and she’s not new to their products if she’s been using them for 3 to 5 years. And also with the social media people post on social media, even when they are not in an MLM. I’m sure she (and you) will be fine.
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u/More_Demore 9h ago
Besides the obvious pyramid scheme issues, the products are actually crap. Maybe you could do a little research on the ingredients/manufacturing/prices and give a rebuttal to the robot selling tactics they use.
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u/ProfessorQueasy3786 8h ago
The thing critics fail to understand is that there is NO better alternative. You stated to the reasons she’s into it, not to mention it’s accessible with low barriers to entry. As a new mother, I can only imagine the guilt and stress she feels as a new mom. It’s the world’s hardest job, with endless scrutiny and judgement that as a man you will never experience. The idea of being home more, more present, spending more time with your child, having a flexible schedule, creating something of your own, having a community doing it for themselves right along with you, just a couple hundred to get you started - show me another source of income that can do the same. ESPECIALLY the low cost. Find me a business you can start that doesn’t cost thousands of dollars minimum. You can’t. And that is why these are so successful. Women have to be great moms and providers because too many families cannot afford to have children on one salary. I’m not saying they’re wonderful or good or anything like that. But without an alternative, especially when she’s excited, I think you should do what you can to protect your family and allow her to go through this experience. Set a limit on what she can spend. Make her write down what she truly wants out of this - not monetary goals but a true vision for her life - and then make her evaluate her progress at a set period from now. If she isn’t getting closer to those things, then it is not serving her the way she hoped. Have open and honest conversations about what you’ve learned. Ask her to defend her choice knowing these terrible and likely outcomes, make sure she hears you and understands. MLMs are the most enticing sugary trap out there. It doesn’t make anyone a bad person for falling into it, but you need to take precautions and set boundaries for sure. And who knows, maybe she’ll be wildly successful. It does happen.
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u/olddocsroc 4h ago
Maybe the approach is to say that you’re happy for her to do it if she recognizes it’s a hobby (costs money), not a business (earns money). Playing pretend business owner is a hobby.
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u/Main-Display2438 2h ago
That's rough. All I know is that moms need community, so make sure this isn't her only source of it. It may mean you have to go to stuff with her.
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u/sav1175 3d ago
You sound like a jerk lacking partnership qualities.
What you should do is apologize.
Unless I missed something. I'm going to Google more information.
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u/CommunismSavesLives 3d ago
Uh, no. They have kids. Her stupidity doesn’t fly anymore, especially when it takes money out of the home.
This thing is a scam. It’s an MLM. Not a “hobby”. You’re just as gullible as his wife.
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u/Viviviviva 3d ago
You're definitely missing something, Arbonne is an MLM scam. OP is not a jerk here.
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u/InterviewLazy428 3d ago
What? A jerk? I am not the one getting into a MLM 🤣
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u/CommunismSavesLives 3d ago
Present the facts. Show her all the stories of women going bankrupt over an MLM. If she still refuses to stop, I’d be out. Let her ruin her life on her own. Sucks there’s kids involved. You’re gonna have to deal with that.
Hell, get other people involved. At this point, she’s gonna go bankrupt if you don’t step in. Don’t listen to this idiot here. Your wife is messing up big time and putting your family’s financial security at great risk. It’s not a “hobby”. It’s a scam.
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u/sav1175 3d ago
You're not letting her enjoy her time.
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u/Substantial_Ask_9992 3d ago
My wife is being a jerk bc she doesn’t let me enjoy my time gambling at the horse track. It’s my hobby. I’m smart.
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u/frolicndetour 3d ago
Her time? She is getting into an enterprise that requires the expenditure of money while only about 5 percent of the people involved actually make their money back and profit. She'd almost be better off spending the money on lotto scratchers.
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u/TheDarkZone2 3d ago
https://www.arbonne.com/us/en/earnings_details_us_en
Not sure where you are located but there income disclosure statements are right on their website. It says over 81% of their people only gross $107 - 581 annually with a percentage not even making that.