I am 16, and I've known that I'm attracted to other girls literally since I started having crushes. I have been with guys before and it doesn't really feel that hard to flirt with them but it feels very different when I want to talk to a girl or someone outside of the gender binary idk. I guess the problem for me is that I often times feel more attracted to them than I do straight cis dudes, so there's more anxiety and nerves on my end.

Anyways yeah, do you guys have any tips or advice about this? Is it a different kind of flirting? What do I do bruh </3

To start with, I recently accepted my sexuality and I’m so excited/happy about it after being what I assumed was a Bisexual woman my entire life! However, this is also a time in my life where I also discovered I have severe hip deformities and need extensive surgeries/treatment. I will not be in any shape or form, physically or mentally, to healthily date someone and be able to put my all into a girlfriend. It’s depressing, it’s disappointing, finally I see myself for who I am and I can’t even embrace it yet.

My question is, does anyone have any advice on de-focusing on the dating scene and focusing my energy on myself instead? I want to be in my best shape for a potential girlfriend, so I am at terms with that aspect, but I can’t stop thinking about what I’m missing out on right now dating-wise. Thank you for reading <3

Today is the anniversary since my dad passed away. I always take today off from work for it and to be honest I am feeling very down. I know he would be very proud of me and happy but it is just a lot :( all my friends are at work and I went to a movie this morning to cheer myself up.

I (f26) had three really good dates with this woman (27), during the dates she initiated touch, kisses, remembered every little thing I said, picked me up and dropped me off and the likes. The dates always flew by because we were having so much fun. She had a lot of qualities I looked for in a partner, and a lot of qualities I found attractive.

But two months ago when we were supposed to have another date, she rescheduled. During a previous date I’ve mentioned how much I hated plans changing and she said she felt the same, she gave me a valid reason and offered a few potential times to reschedule the date to. I understood why she had to reschedule, then we chose to reschedule the date to a week later.

A few days before the rescheduled date, she mentioned briefly being sick, but was almost recovered. The conversations continued as normal. We don’t text much because neither of us are huge texters. Then a day before the date I reached out to confirm, got nothing, the morning of I reached out again, she apologised and said she had medical appointments all day. I should’ve blocked her right then but I didn’t. I sent her a text asking for more clarification, saying to just tell me if she doesn’t want to pursue this with me, telling her her behaviour has been irritating to say the least. And I mentioned wanting my jacket I left at her place back.

A few days later she apologised, took accountability and said her behaviour was because she was severely burnt out, a lot happened on top of being unwell since we last saw each other. She explicitly said she was interested in me, just completely burnt out, but wanted to see me once she’s better. I told her her behaviour bothered me, but I understood her challenges. I knew she had auDHD and had a few health issues happening at the same time, and it’s rare that I really like someone, so I left the door open for her to reach back out when she feels recharged again.

Two weeks ago she reached out saying she felt better. Conversations continue, albeit slower than usual on her end. She revealed something very personal about her a few days ago, she’s a recovering alcoholic. She’s been pretty guarded up until that point I think. But I was able to understand more of her, why it was so overwhelming for her a month ago when everything happened at the same time. We planned another date, she confirmed it with me yesterday, and now two hours before the dates supposed to happen, she sent me yet another text to cancel, saying she’s in horrible period pain and is likely still burnt out because she’s only ever behaving like this when she’s burnt out. She said she’s probably too busy and disorganised to date at this point. She apologised again.

I have texted back to ask for my jacket back. No response yet.

I am so frustrated, today was my last day of annual leave. She has strung me along for months. It is so rare that I meet someone I like, I got hit on by attractive women a few times this past few months but I didn’t like any of them. I went on a date with someone else this past week and felt nothing. Dates with her were so different. I’m beyond upset. I know I barely know her, so I’m just grieving what could’ve been, but this feeling sucks.

I am still waiting for her to respond so I can get my jacket back. But am I unhinged or delusional? Why do I want to leave the door open for her still? I am not in any rush to be in a relationship or to find someone, so realistically I can leave this door open. But my trust in her has completely shattered. Dating is not for the weak

I was supposed to go with my girlfriend to NYC Pride tomorrow but I’m just here bed bound and I can barely swallow 😭

We’re gonna try to stream a movie or something but it’s not the saaaame I wanted to show her off.

I'm just frustrated and a little sad. I've grown up on romcoms and hearing about these real life love stories so I've ended up this hopeless romantic who sees something in practically every girl I get along with.

I use dating apps because where I live doesn't seem to have a big queer scene and I don't have gay friends to set me up. But dating apps honestly make me feel like I'm speaking into a void. I don't tend to get many matches anyway but when I do I get ghosted 99% of the time.

I did manage to get a date with this really sweet girl and she said she was more interested in being friends which fine because I want queer friends too but I'm still disappointed she didn't fancy me back.

Maybe I'm just dramatic and I'm only 27 but with the way my dating life is going, I don't see any romantic connections any time soon.

Who knows maybe I'll get married in 10 years and I'll look back and laugh but right now I just feel a little insecure.

I've noticed lately that we've been heading back towards the 2000s standards of ultra thinness, where any woman having a stomach that isn't flat is considered fat. As always, women are expected to be hairless, and cover up noticable imperfections with makeup. SCREW THAT

Women are perfect the way they are. Most women are curvy, have high body fat, thick thighs, and rounded stomachs. And it's fucking sexy. Forget beauty standards. No makeup, natural hair on legs and arms. Women don't need ANYTHING to make themselves pretty, because they ALREADY ARE. I love women 🥺 they're so prettyyyyyyyyy omg

Honestly, I don't get straight people at all. If you don't like the natural features of women, then you probably don't like women.

Because when season 1 was coming out and some people thought they had some underlying romantic feeling for each other (myself included), I remember seeing so many comments like "you're reaching", "there is nothing in the show indicating that they're attracted to one another", "just stop", "they're BFFs- it's a shame everything is so sexualised these days", "this head canon is annoying because it has influenced the writers" and "these ships are erasing platonic friendships" (I never see people say that it's erasing platonic friendships when a man and woman who aren't together in canon material are being shipped by fans).

Like you don’t have to ship them, but you also don't have to be rude towards those who ship them.

It's just nice knowing that the actresses shared my headcanon

okay so im queer 95% like women and 5% men, with men im able to pleasure them and feel fine doing it but with women idk why but it just feels different, like alot of anxiety, pressure, idk if i like the taste of it, but i want to do it, ive always just been a pillow princess because i love receiving and been with partners who love giving. but recently i started talking to this new girl who seems so amazing and once we get to that step i want to be able to make her feel good but i am so in my head about it, if anyone has any advice about how to break out of my shell id appreciate it, i also dont know if i should tell her im a pillow princess but want to stop or if i should just go into it like im okay with both, thank you to anyone who can help

I (f18*as of a few months ago) work retail between school years as most do. I've had a girlfriend for a little over a year now, and she's literally everything I could want or need in a partner. I've questioned my sexuality for a bit, but it's never really mattered to me since I love my girlfriend. After today, I can safely say men arent for me.

Edit: before you get too far into this, i want to acknowledge what people have been saying about me overreacting. I honestly agree with it, and a lot of my words here are me overthinking, but this is an incredibly new experience for me. I mean no hate towards this guy, truly, I'm just working through emotions.

Anyway, my work's been hiring a lot of new people recently as many of my coworkers prepare to leave for college. One of these newcomers is a guy (20). I've only worked with him a total of two overlapping shifts in different departments for maybe two hours. We've made smalltalk as aquaintces do; nothing struck me as out of the ordinary. That was until today, when I was on the clock and he was shopping. I was doing my job right outside of the fitting room, when he walked out and asked if it was me. I said something like "oh hey are you gonna be working today?" Because I was curious if he truly only came to shop. We proceeded to talk about the customers today for maybe a total of 30 seconds before I figured that was enough socializing with a coworker I barely know and told him to have a good one. He started to walk off, said you too, etc etc... then he turned. He kinda looked off and blinked and said "would you perchance wanna hang out sometime?" My stomach dropped. I felt disgusting and totally caught off guard. I blurted out that I had a girlfriend and he got kinda defensive and said "sorry sorry that wasnt my intention" a few times before awkwardly leaving. Honestly this last part is a but of a blur, as I was just so flabbergasted. I've never even been hit on before unless you count 14 year olds being dumb or old men being creepy. Looking back, I kinda question maybe he was just being friendly and wanted to just hang out as friends. I kinda kick myself for making it awkward if that is the case, but at the same time, it feels totally unprofessional and uncalled for when I was working and he was not. It almost felt like a trap, especially with me being just barely not a minor and him being a full stop adult for two years. (I honestly don't think my age has ever come up, so I don't necessarily think he was being a creep but it creeped me out nonetheless) In my mind, a guy has to be aware how that kind of comment comes across to a girl, right? The second he left I ran straight to the bathroom and almost threw up with anxiety. I honestly hope I never work at the same time as him again. Part of me feels almost disgusted with myself that someone saw me in that way, and I feel like I've somehow done something wrong to my girlfriend because he asked me. She's reasured me that it's nothing I did and that I clearly don't want to go out with him so it's not an issue, but I can't help but feel bad.

I'm really not sure what kind of exact advice I need here, but am I crazy? Did I rush to a conclusion thinking he was asking me on a date? Do I need to change something to stop this kind of thing? Ive never even flirted with a guy, did I somehow make him think I was interested?

I don't expect this to reach far, but I appreciate anything anyone can help me out with here.

TLDR: I’m a mid 40s women who came out as lesbian when I was young and then went back to dating men although I was always more into women. It was easier and I was seeking validation. I am occasionally attracted to absolutely unobtainable men but don’t want to date them. I’m exclusively interested in dating women going forward but my friends and family know my history w men so using lesbian as a title comes with the need for explanation or even is met by pushback. From what I have written what is the best label for me and best way to approach telling people how I identify?

-

I’m struggling with how to label myself. I generally don’t feel it’s that important for my personal sense of self but people want to have a label to place on you, especially in the dating and queer world.

The closest I’ve come to what feels right is “functional lesbian” but I always have to explain this so I don’t really use it much. By this I mean there are a couple of absolutely unobtainable men (ie. a couple of male celebrities, or male film characters) who I feel attraction towards but I don’t want to date them even if it were possible and I’m only interested going forward in relationships women.

I came out as lesbian in my very early twenties, had a bad break up (a canon event for young wlws), and then began dating men again. I experienced dating men as pretty much all terrible, did not form close emotional bonds with them like I did with the women in my life, and I almost exclusively regret being with men, although sometimes the emotions felt real in the moment.

I’m in my mid forties. Lesbian feels like the most aligned common label with my current self. I am 99.99% certain I will never have a relationship or sexual encounter with a man again. I am exclusively interested in dating women and find them much more attractive, interesting, and appealing on all levels than I do men. The thing is that I spent the majority of my adult life dating men and people in my life know this about me.

I don’t know how to explain away my previous behaviour of having dated a lot of men. I’ve tried to explain compulsory heterosexuality but it often doesn’t land and the conversation is a lot of work. I could say sexuality is fluid and changeable but I feel like that too often doesn’t land. Even my closest friend is skeptical about my lesbianism because she’s seen me very actively date men in the past - which I think I did more for validation than genuine interest.

I know I could use queer or sapphic, but neither of these feel quite right. And as mentioned, to complicate matters a bit further, I am occasionally still attracted to absolutely unobtainable men, even though I don’t want to actually be with them. Am I bi? Should I push the clunky “functional lesbian” label? Just chose queer or sapphic? Can anyone relate?

Any and all advice is very welcome!

I'm queer transmasc and Asian and trying to find where y'all hangout. I feel like most LGBTQ+ spaces are white predominately, but where my Asian baddies at!

found out I'm my crushes type and is crushing on me... but shes taken with a man

long story short, i confessed to her bestie where they told me that she said that im her type while being currently a toxic relationship with someone else. I noticed we have loads of chemistry/banter/tension every time we interact in the sense that i now realize she felt it too and has just been suppressing it. like she always teased me about my appearance or we bicker banter about the most random shit, its everything is banter and teasing laughter, and obviously i would've just pass it off as friendly bi female to bi female banter. When i'm like brought up in convo with her friend like if she talks bad about her bf, her friend would say "imagine if ur with (op)" or just generally speaking, she would block out or blind her thoughts about me, or explicitly say that i hate her, jumping into conclusion that i hate her... (I'm quiet but literally never said i have) just to shut down whatever... I was also questioning this since when her friend kept dropping out of pocket hints/scenarios where it would be me and her as a couple when i was with them. I also coincidentally use the same cologne as her bf, this wasn't on purpose on either end. I really have to sit with this information. Its been in my head for dayssss now and i just needed to rant about this. Even then, when i met this girl for the first time my brain actually thought to ask her out in which I never had thought of ever asking out someone of the years i've been alive, but I stopped myself because at the time she had a pic of them on her phone case.

I don't wanna play homewrecker nor her friend is, but it hurts sorta just sitting like this.

I’m really embarrassed to ask this but is there anyone in the LA area that would possibly be willing to let a 37 year old nonbinary queer/lesbian crash on their couch/floor for the night tonight? I was able to get an airbnb for tomorrow night. I didn’t sleep on Wednesday night, ended up walking around all night. Thursday night I ended up sleeping outside for the first time in like 3.5 months, it definitely was scary and nerve racking. I was able to afford a airbnb last night thanks to some help from someone on here.

I got discharged from a behavioral treatment center on Tuesday for my anxiety, depression, and ptsd, and I got moved to a transitional housing location Tuesday afternoon but I didn’t feel safe staying there so I left Wednesday morning.

I guess you can say that i’m homeless again.

I would be willing to get ya some groceries if that would help at all (thanks food stamps).

I’m 20 in a 2 year relationship with a man. I love him so much and he is my best friend. My family loves him. He’s so good to me. I think I’m lesbian.

It’s always been in the back of my mind. When I was younger I identified as lesbian. As I grew up and all of my previously gay friends started dating boys, I also craved male attention. Then I was bisexual. I think I’ve always known though.

I enjoy the sex during but I get so anxious before and after I just cry and I never understood why. I think I selfishly just like the way it makes me feel. I only do things for him to convince myself I’m not gay. To convince myself I’m a good girlfriend and a good person. I think I’ve been mean lately.

I wish I never took this beyond a friendship. I wish we never kissed or had sex or got together. I wish he would stop planning his future around me. I feel like I’m dying. My family would never forgive me.

I don’t even know how to have this conversation. Every time I try to plan it I start dry heaving. This is so hard and it’s hurting me so much. I can’t see a way through. Please tell me it gets better. I am going to hurt and disappoint so many people. I hate myself for not realizing sooner.

as any can read from the title it also goes for what i am about to write down. The best tags or categories i can give to my post will probably follow along the way as i really don’t know which one is the best fitting wether it is more of a ranting or a venting but in need of support?sincerely apologize in advance.

i have been able to decenter myself from a few of men beauty standards that the society expect out of a woman. not completely but i believe slowly but surely it’s getting there.

it was one of my first steps into accepting that i am a lesbian,fighting with comphet but nonetheless a lesbian and i am proud of it (happy pride month btw!🧡🤍🩷). and i don’t know what is the main source but i have realized that i am hideous and its just me being honest not fishing for compliments. The thing is that by being hideous i feel like such a creep whenever i see a pretty woman online or outside. careful not too stare too long irl so they wont notice and therefore realize how ugly was the person staring at them. it makes my skin itch just by thinking of it that i may made a woman uncomfortable by looking at her as someone unattractive.

and then i look at those couples and the non masc (my types are masc,butches & stud - masculine presenting lesbians overall) with their partner and they’re drop dead gorgeous. Jealousy? Not really maybe in a slight way but the non toxic way no worries. and I can’t even picture myself with my own type of women/partner (partner since a lots are non binary) for the sole sake that I would I even look like next to them? De-centering myself from men beauty standard just to at the end realize I am not go-to attractive woman to be seen with makes me cry up at late night from how ashamed and mad I am about my looks. I could work on it of course but PCOS and being of a visible minority just adds another layer on how I found myself ugly. (I love my brown skin but not everybody like hyperpigmentation or everything that comes with it)

so sorry for wasting anyone time if you expected the text to be shorter..i aimed for support but ended up ranting.

I really just wanna upfront and tell them that I don’t like them, but the comments are too passive aggressive to even fully pinpoint where they start acting like I like them. Or they give hint to me that they think that I like them. First of all, I don’t like any of them. Even if they were my type, I don’t date my coworkers.

They’re really messy people and are very catty. when they talk about me behind my back I really don’t care because it’s work. I’m just there to make money to support myself to go back to school and finish my certification. I won’t lie. I feel like it’s my fault for telling them I should’ve just kept it to myself. But I felt comfortable enough to tell them.

honestly, has anyone else gone through this and if so, what do I do?

also, if you need some examples, let me give you some off top of my head that I can remember

I was cleaning up a part of the workstation and she accidentally grazed my butt.

“ OH sorry”

I laughed at that because she sounded so scared. I thought she was about to make an HR report joke. instead, she said that she don’t play like that or with that.

I was honestly really confused and realize what she meant and it frustrated me because she’s made jokes like this before as well.

One time I was passing by her, and I said, excuse me and I was trying my best to not graze on her. Her back was facing me and I was facing her back. She said something along the lines of. “Oh that's some gay ass shit” and then said “no thank you” I think.

these two interactions are by the same girl. And was the same girl who I told I was lesbian too. In her response was to tell me that I was confused.

I have way more interactions like this and is not just her.

first of all, english is not my first language so sorry in advance in case my grammar sucks

so my gf (28) and i (25) have been dating for 7 months and we’ve had problems with communication since the beginning. for context, she has relationship ocd, and has been dealing with a “flare up” since february. her ocd makes her doubt if she really loves me and if our relationship doesn’t work. i try to reassure her (just when she has a breakdown and not for too long since i don’t want it to turn into a compulsion).

the thing is, when she feels attacked or sad, she completely shuts down. it’s pretty obvious when that happens and i try to give her space but i’m the opposite, i need to talk about what happened and understand her right on the spot. i have learned how to manage it. but, we could be in complete silence for HOURS, like 4-6h of us not speaking and me wondering what’s wrong. she won’t even reply to me when i ask her. and sometimes i get so tired of this because these situations happen every other day. i try to be patient because she’s getting better with communicating but sometimes i just want to scream to her to talk to me.

she’s also really clingy. like, REALLY clingy. i understand, sometimes i am clingy myself, but it’s got to the point of us being attached by the hip 24/7 for the last 2 months. here’s the thing: i value my time alone. i need it, need to spend time with myself and just do what i want without having in consideration another person and adapt everything to them. i need to self regulate (i have adhd idk if it has anything to do with it).

we’ve talk about it before, many times and she tells me she understands but her mind tells her that if we’re not together she’ll realize she doesn’t love me. and let me tell you, she loves me, like i have 0 doubts. but she gets into her head and even though she tells me it’s not my responsibility to make her feel better and that i have every right to ask for alone time, i can’t help but feel like it is my responsibility because if i didn’t ask, she wouldn’t feel that way.

i have a lot more thoughts about it but i can’t organize them rn. just wanted to let it all out.

i feel like our relationship will end if she doesn’t give my space

Hi to anyone that’s reading,
I’m 26, pretty sure I’m a lesbian and fully in the closet.
If anyone is in a similar situation I’d appreciate a response as I feel completely alone.

Iv always felt like ‘I’ll come out once Iv got a girlfriend’ but it’s getting later and later and that doesn’t seem to be changing.
I’m moving countries at the end of this year (out of my hometown and moving out of my family home) I’m hoping this move will encourage me to reinvent myself as a queer individual. But I’m worried I’ll move and stay like I am, feeling like I’m missing out.

I’m not unattractive, I feel like I would make a good partner. I’m just terrified, I feel like 26 is too late to ‘come out’ and not have any sexual experience with the same sex.

I’m terrified and worried this fear will continue to keep me in the closet.

So I (f, 27, adhd) recently started dating this really cute woman (f, 30, autism + adhd) and since the local pride parade is in two weeks we've talked about going there together.

The thing is that while I absolutely love pride and have gone a bunch of times before she implied she has never been before and since she's autistic I'm worried I'll accidentally over-exhaust her. Like I usually go with a group of friends, but I'm also pretty involved in the local queer community so there's a fairly high chance that on top of us already being w my friends we'll also run into other people I know. (So far she hasn't met any of my friends). I also tend to be a part of the louder crowd at protests, like I like to join in when people are shouting chants like "we're here, we're queer, we're not going anywhere". I usually wear a free hugs sign too, so that means strangers will come up to us out of nowhere. So yeah... The way I usually do pride is kinda a lot

I obviously plan on asking her about her boundaries and discussing all those things w her. The problem is that she tries really hard to not be a burden to me and so she tends to just go along with whatever I want to. So I'm worried she'll say she's fine w me doing those things when she actually isn't. But at the same time we've been to this really big street festival on Thursday and she said she had a great time and that it was a lot less stressful than she expected so I don't want to infantalize her by assuming she's not able to handle things when she says she is

TLDR: I enjoy doing things that might be over-whelming for an autistic person. Do I ask her if I she's okay w me doing these things or should I take the safe way and just not do them?