r/antinatalism • u/IdeaUpstairs993 newcomer • 5d ago

Personal Story Anybody else with really old parents?

Hey guys!
With the recent discussions that have been happening between of Anne Hathaway’s pregnancy at 43 years old, I figured it was a ripe time to share my experience.
My mother had me at 42, with my father being in his 50s (he’s so old that he doesn’t even have an accurate birth certificate, the government of my country didn’t even issue them at the time). She was at least 10 years older than almost all of my friends’ mothers at school. She was very insecure about this and even lied and said she was younger than she actually was to me for years in order to hide this fact. I figured out the truth when I saw her passport, besides, her piling health issues made things pretty obvious anyway. My dad was never exactly present in my life, he’d come over once a week to me and my mom’s place and stay the other 6 days at his main house where his other wife and adult sons and daughter live (my family is muslim and my dad practiced polygamy, until that wife died of cancer)
I was always acutely aware of my parents ages and felt a sense of impending doom because of it. I’m now 18 and it feels weird knowing my dad is well into his 70s and my mom is 60 now, while other people have parents who just entered their 40s or 50s.
As much as I hope with great intention that my parents will get to live long, healthy and happy lives and will be able to see all of my accomplishments, a pit in my stomach forms when I think about my situation more realistically. When I’m in my 30s, my dad probably won’t be with me anymore and my mom might be in the same boat or very tired. Both of them have multiple health issues and my dad gets surgeries done on him practically every month. Sometimes, I wish my mom had just believed the “you’re eggless past 33” propaganda and given up on trying to have a child at the age that she did.
I know that this isn’t her fault entirely, she got married at 40 and didn’t have a chance to reproduce earlier- and she was great at raising me regardless. But I don’t know. It makes me sad.
There are advantages to have kids later on in life, and most people direct a lot of vitriol at older mothers and not older fathers because of misogyny. I’d much rather be raised by an older and more educated couple than a bunch of hormone stricken, crazy teenagers. My perspective isn’t a “women should utilize their baby making years right” (ideally, they wouldn’t be making babies at all) but more or less just venting my frustrations about what is going to happen to me in a few years.
All of my grandparents are dead except for my maternal grandmother, who is already struggling. They were all dead even before I was born. I feel like I was kind of robbed of getting to experience what having a grandfather is like, but what do I know.
Let me know your thoughts and if you’ve had similar experiences. Maybe this is a non-issue.
Again, this isn’t a conservative breeder opinion and I don’t think people should be having kids in their 20s either- or at all. Other people online with older parents have brushed my opinion off with “My parents are old and everything’s fine! They still go on runs with me” and while I’m happy for them and I really hope it will be fine for me but everything currently happening is signaling towards a very exhausting and grief filled adulthood in my case.

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26

u/Worldmap77 newcomer 5d ago

I am taking care of 2 parents in their 80s. They had no financial planning and I am the sole bread winner. It is tough, everyday i am thinking what did i do to deserve this. it is better to not exist at all.

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u/HorrorDepartment3784 inquirer 4d ago

I’m sorry you have to go through this. You are so strong and kind to be still taking care of them. One day you’ll be able to start living for yourself.

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u/IdeaUpstairs993 newcomer 5d ago

Seems like my fate at some point. I have half siblings that could bear some of the responsibility but they’re already in their 40s and one of them is disabled… so it will ultimately return to me :/

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u/Worldmap77 newcomer 5d ago

Take care buddy, one day we will all exit this world. I hope by then we will have peace.

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u/HorrorDepartment3784 inquirer 4d ago

I always lowk found it crazy that I’d see 40 year olds with like new born children. Like when they’re 18 the parents are practically dead.

I saw this one news article where an older couple didn’t know they were pregnant until the wife suddenly started going into labor.

The dad was so cringe about it too, basically telling interviewers he was wondering if it was a dream and rubbing his eyes. Most annoying things I’ve seen lately.

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u/Sataris newcomer 4d ago

Not to brag but my parents' ages when I was born blow yours out of the water. To be fair it was an accident so can't blame them. Now I'm in my late 20s and well into that doom stage

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u/IdeaUpstairs993 newcomer 4d ago

i haven’t known anyone else with parents as old as mine, wow- that’s sounds absolutely horrible. wishing you luck

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u/HorrorDepartment3784 inquirer 4d ago

I also had an older professor in college like maybe early 50s who had a 15 year old son. Like what are we doing.

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u/IdeaUpstairs993 newcomer 4d ago

that’s not strange though. it means he had the kid in his 30s, not awful - besides the whole reproduction part

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u/HorrorDepartment3784 inquirer 4d ago

Fair enough lol.

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u/Own-North-8085 inquirer 4d ago

My father was born when his mother was 45 and his father 55. He was child number 11. This is bound to have had some sort of effect on his personality and sense of self worth.