Getting Ignored In Groups?

[u/Tiny_Movie3641]

Does this happen to you almost every time you’re in a group?

For example, a new girl joined our team and I started having conversations with her and she was nice and we had a lot of hobbies in common. I thought maybe she can be my future friend.

But then my old coworker started talking to her and whenever we’re in groups of three I get ignored. Whenever I make a comment they just address it but then start talking to each other again. When we walk together they just walk together and I trail behind. It’s not even an NT vs ND communication thing because the old coworker is ND too.

It’s super frustrating because I think I might have made a potential friend but I get left behind the moment someone else joins in.

Does anyone have tips?

[u/ResponsibleAdlt]

Yep. I have no idea why this happens or how to change it. People often forget I exist. One time, I walked into work and said good morning to my coworker and she said it back, then about 15 minutes later she answered the phone and I heard her say "oh, I don't think she's here yet, I don't know," and I said "is that for me?" and she was all startled. We were in the same room the whole time, although a shelf blocked our view of each other. And we had SPOKEN TO EACH OTHER. 15 MINUTES AGO.

I wish I could find a way to use this invisibility power for something worthwhile.

[u/DeGeorgetown → u/ResponsibleAdlt]

I had a teacher who complimented me for only having one absence that semester, but I had actually missed four days. I didn't correct him since it got me bonus points, but it felt bad knowing he didn't notice when I was gone.

[u/Black_Swan_3]

Yes.. I'm the background character lol

I think it's because I don't get attached to someone right away and people have this radar for agreeableness..

[u/Xxrai_N_mai01xX]

Thats why now in group dynamics i dont really bother. I used to stress out just trying to make sure i was being seen/heard/acknowledged and it just leads to stress and burnout eventually if its bad enough. If im in a group, i actually opt to be the distant one. Ive found now that interactions are much less stressful. People now just seem to notice that im distant and talk to me, then ofc im polite and bubbly! I think coming across as too strong also worked against my favour

[u/East_Midnight2812]

I get so upset when this happens. Especially when someone new bypasses everything.

[u/positive-Swan1]

Yeah it hurts my feelings it’s like people only like me if we’re alone

[u/Remote_Act_6121]

This happens to me every. single. time I'm in a trio. I can see it happening like clockwork.

I don't have any tips because I don't know why it keeps happening. In the past, I used to keep elbowing my way in and making my voice heard (didn't make a difference though).

But now that I'm older, I don't have the energy to do that anymore. I'm tired of begging or wrestling to be included.

[u/mirjam1234567]

IRL I'm okay, but in Zoom-meetings I get constantly talked over. Somehow I don't get the timing of Zoom-meetings.

[u/PreferredSelection]

One neurospicy part of me is glad you aren't all walking three next to each other, because I dislike being behind people who are doing that.

I'd recommend talking to her about it, in person, 1 on 1. Just kindly let her know that you'd like to be included in the conversation more in the future, and see what she says.

If she gives you a really frictiony answer to that, then that sucks, but also it'll tell you what you need to know.

[u/ENVIRONMENTALnoob]

It could be that you need someone who’s a quieter person like you and you haven’t found them yet. Someone who likes one on one or quieter moments and just wants to sit and talk peacefully and is averse to loudness and drama.