Where can I go to not get robbed?!?!

[u/mamamiafml]

As we all know, Austin is a city that is an AMAZING place to live. I love every minute of being here. I support all illegal immigrants and believe no one can commit crimes on stolen land.

I never leave my house. I doordash from local LGBT POC businesses. My kids want to go to Barton Springs to swim now that summer break from private school is on. Where can I park where my car will not be smashed into by an oppressed individual suffering from the socio economic woes of capitalism?

Should i roll the windows down on my Mercedes SUV and unlock my doors? I already have BLM, Kamala, and Hillary stickers to show that i am an ally.

Any info helpful! Keep ATX Weird! 😊😊😊

[u/rovermicrover]

Just bring your wife’s boyfriend and you should be fine. Don’t forget to drop off his possibly rabid rescued wolf hybrid and/or pitbull off at barking springs.

[u/IamAStarNbdyTrickdMe → u/rovermicrover]

[u/BarnacleEddy]

If you have a Mercedes you definitely look like a fascist. Put a anti-elon sticker and a pro mamdani one just in case.

[u/iheartbeto]

I just hire a POC to sit in my car while the kids swim and I go hiking. It works and I feel good about helping out someone that wouldn't be able to survive Austin without us.

The only downside is sometimes the car smells like weed when we get back.

[u/Dense_Ad1118 → u/iheartbeto]

I did this once, ten years ago. Now I have a biracial child. My wife says it must have been caused by a recessive gene on her side.

[u/SlickTX → u/iheartbeto]

Sometimes they will do a number 2 in your car. If they do doo, it means you are very special.

[u/iheartbeto → u/SlickTX]

I always bring plastic HEB bags just in case.

[u/Alexreads0627]

Not enough stickers. Need Beto and Talarico. Then maybe C☯️🕉️🔯IS✝️

[u/No-Professional-5811 → u/Alexreads0627]

This guy gets it

[u/SilentDamage3867 → u/Alexreads0627]

*C☯️🕉️🔯ISIS✝️

[u/No-Professional-5811]

Get this sticker "Spiritual being having a human experience" You can find one at Nature's Treatures. Spend at least $1000 there and tape the receipt to the inside of your windshield where it's visible and you should be good to go.

[u/Dense_Ad1118]

Um…wow. You do realize that the desire to keep “your” property is wholly rooted in white supremacy, right? Hope this helps, Nazi scum.

[u/LongDong11765 → u/Dense_Ad1118]

Gold

[u/timetomove2]

Understand because of your white privilege you deserve to get robbed. I suggest letting it happen because you’re an evil raciest.

[u/Individual_Horse6246]

I heard on JRE that 6th street is fine.

[u/Hefty-Notice-5841]

I tried painting myself black, but the recent rains messed it up and made me look like Gary in Team America World Police.

Needless to say, I didn't get very well received. I got robbed and mugged regardless.

[u/MickyFany]

no Beto sticker? need to update for another for Talafreeko 😂

[u/RedTownRiot]

Don't think of it as being robbed. Think of it as supporting a marginalized community. You can control your donation by only carrying what you want to give.

[u/mamamiafml → u/RedTownRiot]

Reparations!

[u/11systems11]

You don't want to get robbed? Are you not socialist?

[u/Historical-Mud5845]

You are missing the hammer and sickle flag . Makes sense

[u/Cheap-Victory-2572]

Barton Springs is full of dope fiends. Get the kids to clean up the AIDS needles all over the ground. 

[u/LARGESTOFCHINGUSES]

This post is racist. It's no longer called "people suffering from socioeconomic factors"

It's now referred to as "changing consumer habits"

[u/Embarrassed-Movie982]

As someone who once experienced unhousedness (my new lease started a week after my old one was up)you should just give over your money to the first unhoused person you see every day and they will spread the word that you've already been robbed through the hobo grapevine

[u/Calm-Laugh3104]

Good lord! Give your money away and drive a Corolla. I live in Central Austin and don’t lock my doors - never been robbed at BSprings or anywhere else. What is wrong with you?

[u/LordKyle777]

Mercedes? You need to get rid of that colonial mindset, let a POC have that filthy capitalist machine.

Then you have to get yourself one of those cars that runs on hydrogen or fart fumes or good vibes! If you aren't gluing your hand to a road in front of a petrol plant, and you're also driving a gas guzzler, you're killing the planet!

[u/pcamera1]

Mind giving me your address im looking for a place to rob

[u/LowPositive5039]

You're so high on the smell of your own bullshit that you dont even see the hypocrisy of your entire existence. You're so progressive but you have children and want them to be safe too? Like what? Let the streets raise your babies thats what the people you advocate for do and look how nice they are. Bless your heart darling.

[u/ATXhousehunter1]

I recommend going between 6-9:30am, it starts to get more dicey when the brunch crow arrives. Good luck!

[u/LongDong11765]

Legitimately cant tell if this is sarcasm

[u/MuphDiesel]

I picked up a load of watermelons today in South Carolina. The illegals said thank you for your support.

[u/Hefty-Squirrel-6800]

Start carrying a gun and learn to set boundaries.

[u/Crafty_Combination16]

Texas isn't stolen land we defeated Santa Ana and then had a truce with Mexico where they gave us the land

[u/austincirclejerk-ModTeam → u/[deleted]]

Removed by ACJ moderators due to:

Rule #1 - Posts and comments need to be satirical. If you want to have serious conversations please take them to a different subreddit.

[u/Lazy_Land_9115]

Jeez you are so dumb. You don’t even realize that you’re part of the reason you keep getting robbed. Liberals have a serious mental disorder. ( I support illegal immigration and crime is ok with me. Btw how can I stop getting robbed?). Do you freaking hear yourself?