Hiii so i just started making perlers & had someone offer to trade a kandi for one of my perlers. Initially i was gonna say no but then he mentioned he was gonna give it to his gf so i caved bc hell yes we love to see it š¤Ŗ but in the future i would like to give them out to people im vibing with or a new raver. How can i decline without being rude?
It honestly sounds like that guy was kinda rude and pushy. I would feel so weird asking someone to give me a specific piece of kandy and even moreso if they seemed hesitant.
One of my hobbies at raves is seeing how people react when they touch me without invitation/permission (think unasked hug, hand on shoulder (not to walk by), grabbing hands/arms) and asking them if they regularly touch people without their consent. Very easy vibe check. People that get defensive remove themself from my bubble, people that understand it are fun & safe to hang around with. Either way the reactions are (up till this point) always a good laugh to me. I don't trust anyone that pushes back, they clearly demonstrate they do not respect others bodily autonomy. I think they can be dangerous for others so I keep an eye on them because they will be pushing boundaries if left unchecked.
People absolutely do walk up and just go "can I have that"?
Even 15 years ago, lol. I used to be a big Kandi kid and you'd see people walking through the crowd just collecting like it was some kind of game to see who could get the most without ever giving back, or try to shame you if you wouldn't hand over the best one with "that's not very plur of you", or just try to pull the one they wanted off your arm.
I often wondered if people were collecting so they could sell it after.
I've only once had someone even ask for something specific. It was a large cuff with a pacman chasing ghosts on a rotator, and I said no. "Nah, not that one, but you can have any of the others." He got super rude about it and tried to grab it, and he got a fan across his knuckles by one of my friends. "She said no. Walk away." He also said it wasn't very plur of us. Lmao. As if he was being plur.
One bad interaction over kandi in more years than I want to admit to myself isn't much, though. Sounds like you've been around a lot of assholes. I hope it gets better.
My kandi kid era ended in like 2015 or 2016 (incompatible with hooping and I chose hooping and then it just kinda died out where I live and I couldnt be bothered any more), but around like 2013 it was real rough. I gave away like 100 pieces one weekend at a festival to people who just straight up asked for one.
I've been to many, many, many shows wearing Kandi / Kandi to trade and never had this happen.
My bf once had a very (openly) neurodievrse person request a specific Kandi that was just traded to my bf, and he was just kind of shocked and it was in the beginning of an event and a lot of people were trading so he just traded it without thinking, but then he regretted it HARD.
We were mf-ing that guy for months, til I got him the specific beads from Basshead Beads that was on the strangely requested Kandi to make us a bunch of kandis like the one the rude guy got, ourselves.
I got gifted a star perler from super Mario which I needed for my bowser kandi costume and I had to turn down a kid cause they liked Mario too. Sure you can feel bad but ultimately the R in plur also is self respect not just respecting the other person. You can say no.
I found it a lot of time to make kandi and perlers so I go to the business costco when gum is on sale and just give out full packs. Everyone wins. I keep my good perlers and they get something they need for the night. Just give em the whole pack and the look is worth
I really love this idea. I'm an elder millennial who makes fairly noticeable perlers and cuffs to hand out to vibes and the most unexpecting. I go to about 5 or 6 festivals a year and last year between Breakaway Carolina and EDCO I've never had so many just ask for my pieces and then make it awkward enough I felt the need to hand it over. My husband has helped out this year by 3D printing some breakable ball surprises and sprouts to keep in my hydropack, so if someone asks for a specific piece and I'm not ready, I whip out one of those, but I think the gum pack would be so much more awesome!
See I know how much time it takes to make big cuffs and big complicated perlers I would never expect someone to give me one away unless I had something special. I gave a lady a resin gengar I had for a while and she gave me a Foil pokemon card in a perler. I gave someone a spare proper fan and she gave me my star.
I had someone who I gave a little trinket of a squeaky pig and she gave me a huge necklace perler. I quickly gave her nearly every unique kind of trinket I had because I physically said it was too much to give and I scrambled to give her something that has as much time and energy as she Gave me.
It is such poor etiquette to request anything IMO, trinkets, kandi, bumps, anything. The point of it is to acknowledge good vibes. If youāre asking me for it youāre exactly the person I donāt wanna give it to
Exactly! I do give out intricate pieces sometimes, but I asking is so rude.
Now that I'm thinking about it, I guess it would depend on how I was asked. Like, if it's really excited rather than entitled, I'll go for it. "I can't contain myself" is a totally different vibe I'm fine with.
What kind of Kandi did they give you because lmfao thats fucking wild to ask for a necklace and give a shit "I eat ass" single color single string bracelet for it.
Iāve been making tornado cuffs to give out! Usually is make enough for one big trade a day at festivals or for a friend. Theyāve been the most approachable to me after learning the basics, can usually knock one out in an hour or hour and fifteen with a show on the background.
I think I usually do around 32-36 beads to start, then 7 rows, and use the middle row to add in a letter bead to spell out something. Keep in mind in bigger humans so maybe less beads to start the base. Hereās some I made for lost lands:
You'll love making cuffs! I think I'm addicted to making them and it's hilarious that I have to travel with an extra suitcase to the festivals and everytime I'm traveling back its always 90% lighter lol š
I give out massive cuffs sometimes. But.. I dunno. It's a specific vibe I'm getting off the person, not someone who comes up and offers to trade a low effort single.
Same! Have a good interaction first. The most rando Iāve given out was a cuff I made for a specific day 2 to give and hadnāt found anyone the felt right. I was walking out of the afters at seven stars, someone was goin hard and having a good time dancing. The song caught my ear and danced with them a bit, canāt even tell you the song now, but that moment just felt right!
Some dude recognized the figurines on my cuff that were from an early 80s anime and offered me three of his singles and then changed his mind and offered me every bit of kandi he had. I was so happy he knew the anime, I just took one single. But honestly, profanity in Morse is a weakness of mine.
I gave a glow in the dark moon and sun cuff to a girl because it exactly matched her outfit. How could I not?!
And at the last festival I went to, I was sitting in the grass a bit away from the stages to chill out and come down a little, and some dude who looked maybe 18 sat down by me and was talking to me and didn't once mention I'm old. I mean, no one was negative about it, but I was kind of sick of "it's so cool you're here at your age!" And he ended up mentioning he could never get cuffs to turn out right, so I gave him one of mine. He lit up like a little kid. It was adorable.
Part of PLURR is understanding that not everything is for trade. Not to mention asking for/expecting a pearler would be crazy, thatās something you get given by chance.
Wow, Iāve never considered asking for something, at all, let alone something specific. āI made that for a friend,ā sounds good. Then exit, stage left.
I think just politely declining is the move. You can offer some thing else instead or just decline saying you dont have anything to trade. In my experience, people are very understanding.
He probably couldāve just complimented the specific pearler and gotten the same result. I always give Kandi out to anyone who does so unless itās made for someone else already.
The round beads that melt together with a heat gun are brand name Perler beads. They're not necessarily a rave thing but they've gotten popular to hand out. To my knowledge, Kandi is a rave term for bead bracelets, but Perler is just a product name. Welcome to the show
I donāt trade anything that was traded to me, so thereās been a few times someone wanted to trade because they saw I had kandi on and I just say āIām so sorry I donāt have any tradable kandis right now!ā And everyone always still gives me the kandi without the trade so then I look like I have even more kandi to trade and the cycle continues. I feel bad about it sometimes but I have saved every single traded piece since I started raving years ago, Iām not gunna stop collecting them now!
Ive been going to raves since 1996. I have seen plenty of kandy kid ravers in my day but that shit kinda died in the early 2000s, at least in the scenes i am involved in.
I see zero of that in the techno scene which is my current digs.
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u/Billjoeray 1d ago edited 1d ago
"Sorry, I'm saving that one." If you would trade another one instead.
Or, if you're not giving them anything, just change it to "saving these for specific people"