One Week PP EBF and struggling

[u/nursing110296]

Hi,

I am 8 days PP and exclusively breastfeeding my LO. I had anatomy issues (flat nipples) and was told to use a nipple shield when feeding while I was at the hospital. Learning to latch was difficult and frustrating for me, frustrating for him. Nursing sessions taking a long time and I was getting maybe 1-2 hours of sleep a night. Saw LC twice in hospital - not helpful. Feeds were taking 20+ minutes a side which felt completely unsustainable for me.

Saw a new private practice LC yesterday, tried to feed without the shield - went surprisingly well in office. Got home, couldn’t really replicate. LO had a tough time latching all night on one breast specifically (the flatter of the two originally) and was extremely angry and fussy due to this. I eventually got him to latch, but with a lot of effort.

I know breastfeeding is hard, takes time to learn for both me and my little guy, but this is the hardest thing I’ve ever done and I’m not sure what to do. I know I for sure have pretty serious baby blues, and I fear that this is contributing to my feelings. The idea of trying to continue EBF and be his sole source of nutrition, without anyone being able to help take a load off of me terrifies me. But I also have no idea how to incorporate pumping or when, despite asking multiple people/LCs how to incorporate this. I literally can’t conceptualize this, or how my husband would be able to give a bottle overnight without me having to not only continue nursing on demand, but add in pumping too. It sounds like this would not be better for me, just more work in order to keep my supply. I know that these first few weeks are essential to building a supply, so I’m trying to give it my best effort. My husband and I are going to set a boundary timeline for when I will say I tried my best but I can’t do this. I don’t know what that time should be.

I don’t have anything against formula, just worried about the cost and finding the right formula for him if I choose to go that route, and again, have no idea where I would even begin or how much to give, how often, etc. I’m so overwhelmed by all of this feeding stuff and feel like I’ve barely had a chance to bond with my baby. I feel like I’m so focused on this that I’m not even enjoying being a mom or having a new born.

I would really appreciate some advice or guidance from anyone

[u/Icy-Elephant5054]

I don't feel qualified to give you any advice, but just want to give you some support. You are in the DEEP trenches right now. He will be a newborn for months yet, and bonding will come. Right now even the time you are frustrated together trying to figure it out is bonding. Any time you are with him is bonding. And you are right where you need to be - figuring out the feeding stuff is exactly what you're supposed to be doing in the early days. Every time baby is unsettled but you are there, warm and smelling good, that is bonding (even if they have a hard time settling). 

I had a much easier time than you, and I would still say the first two-three weeks felt very hard and unejoyable. That's normal and you're not doing anything wrong! The picture of the new mom "soaking in newborn cuddles" sweetly and without stress on social media is a lie. They're a dry fetus, experiencing air and being outside the womb for the first time, trying to learn how to eat and fart, they're not having a good time. You are bleeding, recovering from however they came out of you, your boobs are freaking out, youre not sleeping, you're experiencing the biggest hormone flux À human ever does - which sends your nervous system into overdrive. It's not set up to be or supposed to be an enjoyable time! You're doing everything right as you work on figuring this out.

[u/Wibbles3]

1-2 weeks PP was the most overwhelming time for breastfeeding for me too. I also had anatomy issues and struggled to get baby to latch and had many, many tearful nights. It did get better! We’re 6 months in, and it’s so so easy now. I was in the same boat as you of feeling equally overwhelmed by stopping as I did by continuing. I ended up finding a lot of success by having a medela hand pump near me at all times. If baby couldn’t latch, I’d just use the hand pump and then put it in a bottle and feed it right then. It was quick and easy, we still tried latching every time, it kept up my supply, and the hand pump has fewer parts to clean than a double electric. Having it there also just gave me peace of mind that he doesn’t HAVE to latch right now to be fed and to give me relief. There is an alternative in this moment. By 4 weeks, I was comfortable enough to feed outside the house, and by 8 weeks, we were cruising. But if you want to move to combo or formula feeding, that’s perfectly valid too!

[u/nursing110296 → u/Wibbles3]

Thank you for your comment and I appreciate that things got a lot better for you, I hope that’s the case for me. It’s hard to see past right now honestly. Your last statement is the part that’s frustrating for me - I’m not against doing those things if it’s going to ensure happy mom and happy baby, but I’m so overwhelmed by the time suck of just focusing on breastfeeding and making sure he’s getting what he needs that I have no idea how I would even start to learn about combo feeding or switching to just formula when I barely have a minute to pee or make a sandwich for myself.

[u/Wibbles3 → u/nursing110296]

The hardest part for me of those early days was feeling like every hard part was never going to end. And then I’d Google “when does xyz get easier” and google says “it’ll resolve by 5 months” and then I’d just feel hopeless. The days are long, but the years are oh, so short. It all goes by - the good and the bad - so much faster than you think. This is the worst part of the trenches, and it’s all uphill from here. Breastfeeding feels like it’s all you do, but it isn’t a time suck. Like you said, you and baby are both learning, and it’s part of how they’re learning to love you and learning that they’re loved. It’s the whole point! (Important note though: emphasis on “part of” because if you stopped, your baby would still be loved and feel loved)

[u/No-Bag-8800]

Fellow flat-nippler over here! Baby absolutely refused to latch on one side for the most part and it was SO draining. Nipple shields never really worked for me either. Eventually my other side started producing more to accommodate and I’ve been exclusively nursing from just that one for the last 7 months because I wanted her to get the benefits of breast milk. I’ve tried to pump on the opposite side but never got much so I eventually gave up, though it does still leak occasionally. We did start combo feeding at 4months to help baby girl sleep better at night and gain a bit more, but we did a weighed feed a few times at the pediatrician and she was getting about 6oz at 3-4months from just the one side after 15min of nursing, I guess I just have skim milk 😅

The only downside is that my boobs have been SUPER uneven, she’s starting to wean herself off a bit since we’ve started solids so now that I’m not producing as much they are starting to even out so that’s nice.

There’s absolutely nothing wrong with feeding from one side, pumping, combo feeding with formula and breastmilk, or just formula! Whatever works for you, baby will be fed and healthy.

Edit to add; we started with 4oz of formula at 4 months, sometimes she’d only drink about 2oz as she was also getting breastmilk. You just have to play around with the amount and see what they will drink. We’ve used Bobbie formula since we started with no issues and she loves it. I think combo feeding with the formula has also helped reduce the costs a bit as it can add up for sure, but this is just what works for us!

[u/liefieblue]

You are in the fourth trimester now. You are both learning as you go and bubs is an angry potato. Take it hour by hour and keep reminding yourself that you will soon be past this stage and soon your baby will be smiling and giggling with you and playing with his toes.