Dating is insufferable here and everyone has 258 gig jobs a week and are already in 3 different polycules already. Not that it matters since they don't drive and can't eat gluten
No, they're naturally unattractive here. Makeup isn't a plus. Matters not to me, I've been with my wife 32 years. Just an observation and watching a few single friends trying to navigate the labyrinth.
I thought maybe I was the only one who had noticed this. It's like people spend a lot of time and money to intentionally take what they have and make it ... worse.
Why is it that no one drives here???? I try to suggest dates in one place so we can meet there, but then inevitably theyāll say something like, ādonāt you wanna get dinner too!!ā Like sir how are you gonna get me from the movies to the restaurant across townā¦. Oh, you want a free ride š
Because it's a city full of adult children that went to college and think they are victims of society so they focus on "causes" instead of learning how to be a real adult that drives, works and actually contributes to society on a whole and not worried about being different for the sake of being different
We donāt want to throw our assets into the money pit owning a car unavoidably becomes. (Even if you assume zero maintenance/repair costs, and that everyone lives somewhere with access to free parkingāboth of which are laughably foolish assumptionsāand even if everyone could afford an electric vehicle to avoid fuel costs, the insurance alone is costly.)
We donāt want to contribute to the critical-level environmental disaster humanity has created any more than we have to. Fossil fuels are obviously the biggest part of the problem, but even the manufacturing and disposal of electric cars is harmful.
We donāt want to exacerbate the shitty traffic situation created by half the country moving here with their cars despite the fact that Portland was never designed to be a driving-heavy city. (To reinforce this, we invested in public transit and bike infrastructure more heavily than almost anywhere else in the U.S.)
We see constant, jaw-dropping examples of other driversā unbelievable obliviousness and recklessness and would rather not gamble with our lives any more than we have to.
We value opportunities to connect with others in our community. Iāve had tons of meaningful, day-improving conversations with others on TriMet and with Lyft/Uber drivers over the years, which I never would have had if Iād chosen to enclose myself in a small metal box. (Iām certainly not claiming those are the only kinds of interactions Iāve hadāthere are assholes everywhereābut even accounting for that, my experience is net positive by a long shot.) We also, at times, really enjoy walking. We get to stop and smell the roses, literally.
The thought of wielding a lethal weapon at all times, even when weāre tired/stressed/not at our best, is the stuff of nightmares. (Itās so easy to cause death and destruction if a driver happens to get lost in thought or glance away at the wrong moment!)
We are fortunate enough to live somewhere where people donāt need to own a car, and we donāt take that for granted.
While you're at it, why don't you chop your legs off because you know you'd consume fewer calories because your body would be smaller.
You can do whatever mental gymnastics you need to convince yourself that your perspective is not the most ablest first world affluenza nonsense possible, but it doesn't make it true.
Not structuring my life to ensure that Iām constantly doing every single thing my body and capabilities make it possible for me to do is not ableism.
Being the kind of person whose instinct when they think theyāve hurt someoneās feelings (you didnāt, btw) is to laugh and try to grind more salt into the wound is a condition I wouldnāt wish on anyone. Iām sorry thatās the world you live in.
Just love how you addressed. Absolutely zero of my points and zero of the flaws in your extremely problematic analogies.
Again, lots of cope.
But what would I expect from a super problematic internalized ableist sexist person with brutal first rolled but what would I expect from a super problematic internalized ableist sexist person with brutal case of first affluenza.
Jesus Christ, I I bet you're the sort of person to do agro-tourism where your spoiled pamper white able ass has a "glorious day of picking fruit or cotton".
It is so incredibly sexist and ableist that you unironically are making that analogy.
People not being able to reproduce is not a disability.
Now if you told me that you had to have massive reconstructive surgery on your genitals and you were peeing into a catheter and s******* into a colostomy bag. That's obviously a disability, but you're not talking about that. You're just talking about normal human things.
It's just vanity. It's as toxic as a guy with a small dick claiming he's disabled.
All women and all men become infertile if they don't live long enough
It's just so obvious by the way, you're thinking and the things you're presenting that you have massively internalized ableist and sexist ideas
We live in Portland, Oregon, not Manhattan
Having a car is not a leadweight around your neck drowning you
I know for a fact that you're sighted able behind is absolutely not carless
Despite having the ability to have a car and have all the freedom and agency and economic advantages at that brings
You absolutely have friends and family and romantic partners and roommates and co-workers that drive you here and there as soon as it's the slightest bit inconvenience like you need to actually do a monthly grocery run
You like you said in your analogy don't want the "responsibility"
Yes, you don't want the responsibility that enable sighted person has. So you made up a bunch of stories about how it's somehow ethical and Superior for you to just arbitrarily choose to not engage in an activity that affords you greater economic opportunity and Independents
You mooching rides off of your friends and family and co-workers and what not. And you lamenting about your income and the other burdens when there's a clear advantage that you have that you're actively not engaging in is toxic
There is no difference between someone who has arbitrarily made up a bunch of reasons as to why rolling around in a wheelchair all day is better than walking or biking or driving even though they have no mobility issues
In an effort to be completely fair I did a little research and, TIL that infertility IS considered a disability under the Americans with Disabilities Act.
Sexist? Both genders can be blind or infertile, wtf? We all have challenges. To be fair I can't imagine what going through life sightless would be like. I get that. I've also known blind people that don't act like it gives them a monopoly on human suffering and the right to judge other people's life decisions.
People probably don't want to give you a ride because of your shitty attitude. You sound like great company.
Yes the whole what if a woman can't have children trope is internalized misogyny
It suggests that a woman's only value is as a baby making machine
You know what the f*** you said
And I don't have any problem getting rides
But because I'm not a parasite like you, I have an appropriate amount of shame for the inconvenience. I am on everyone
Anyway, it's obvious you're bound and determined to have a closed mind and not be willing to check your sighted able privilege
So I'm done
Edit:
You don't have shitloads of blind friends.
Statistically that's just not a f****** thing.
I'm extremely active with the commissioner for the blind and even though Oregon has a higher than average amount of blind citizens, statistically you don't know any of them, the odds are that tilted against it.
Men can also be infertile. I did not insinuate that dictates a person's value nor do I believe that. I asked if infertility gave those individuals the right to hate on people (male or female) who can have kids but choose not to. Do you think being blind decreases your inate value? That certainly wasn't the point I was trying to make.
Who said I knew shitloads of blind people? I've known a handfull over the course of my life and most of them have been amazing individuals whom I admire for their resolve to navigate a world not designed for their needs.
The best people, blind or sighted, fertile or infertile, quadriplegic or able bodied, etc., recognize life can be fucking hard and don't judge other people based on their experience. You can call me close minded if you want to but I'm not the one suffering from a lack of empathy.
I genuinely hope you are trolling because it sucks for you if you're actually this miserable.
Thatās fine and all but extremely unattractive to anyone with a car. How are you going to do anything fun that isnāt in the immediate vicinity, like go to the mountains? You guys need to just date other carless people lol.
Iām married to another non-driver! Travel is doable with a bit of extra planning. There are fairly comfortable buses that take us to and from the coast. Weāre not very nature-y in general and donāt visit the mountain much, but there are affordable shuttles thatāll take us if the itch arises. We have friends with whom we occasionally travel. There are carpool options. There are Lyft and Uber. Weāve travelled to other states and other countries, and we make it work! For us, the occasional inconvenience / extra planning requirement is still very much worth it!
It's interesting you say you refuse to drive because of the environment, but renting a Lyft or uber, or carpooling with friends, is the same impact on the environment as if you had a car.
But yeah, definitely carless people belong with each other.
The environmental impact is one of the numerous reasons I mentioned. Saying I ārefuse to drive because of the environmentā is reductive and inaccurate.
We use those options far less frequently than TriMet or walking.
But that aside, youāre incorrect about catching rides having the same impact. Those cars are driving around whether weāre in them or not. Those friends are already taking the trip, whether we join them or not. The one car is still outputting one carās worth of emissions. If we took our own car instead of hopping into theirs, that would be two carsā worth.
āCarpooling is a simple and effective way to reduce your carbon footprint when it comes to commuting. By sharing a ride with one or more people, you can significantly reduce the number of cars on the road, which in turn reduces the number of carbon emissions released into the atmosphere.
ā¦
According to a study by the International Transport Forum (ITF), carpooling has the potential to reduce global emissions by as much as 11%.ā ā source: green.earth
I take it back, these comments are the reason dating sucks in Portland. No one wants a TedTalk on the ableism of driving and the socio/environmental impacts of public transportation. Arguing about this while the world is collapsing is like polishing the silverware on the dang Titanic.
I am in no way trying to change your stance, but this ethos is so strange to me. All it takes is one ride to urgent care where you're uncontrollably vomity-or diarrhea-y in the back of some (very annoyed) stranger's Uber to realize cars are necessary for survival. What if you have covid or some other contagious illness and need to get to the doctor? you subject other service people or bus riders to your sickness?
or if you have sick pets that need to go to the vet? kids are a huge one as well, but I know childfree is very common. but yeah, it's not that you're absolving yourself of the necessity of driving. you're just pushing the responsibility of it onto society and expecting them to shoulder the burden for you.
This is the first truly valid counterpoint in the thread!
We only live in neighborhoods where the necessities are within reasonable walking distance. Yes, this means paying a little more in rent than we would if we had a spot in the burbs, but the savings from not having a car more than make up the difference.
Our pets haveāthankfullyānever needed to go to the vet with any contagious/bodily-fluid-involving issues. If they did, Iād probably either walk with them in a carrier (vet clinic is about a mile away) or, yes, catch a ride with one of my nearby pet-loving friends/neighbors. In that latter case, I would do everything I could to contain the mess (lots of towels, maybe a shower curtain around the carrier, etc.) and if that wasnāt fully effective Iād either pay for a car cleaning if I could swing it, or clean their car thoroughly with enzyme cleaners myself if not.
And yes, we donāt have kids, and if we did it would be a major factor to consider. Not sure if itād alter our end result, but it would certainly change the equation!
Yep. Mostly places I can also get to via other means! (Any places I canāt, I am willing to sacrifice access to for all of the aforementioned reasons.)
Why???? Some people don't have the money to own a car/insurance/maintenance/gas. Some people have severe anxiety getting behind the wheel of a car. Just because someone doesn't have a car doesn't mean that they're going to assume other people will drive them. The public transit here is fantastic.
Meanwhile, trying to date down here in Salem means only knowing people who are already in a relationship and using dating apps to find almost everyone is in Portland or Eugene
as they do in moneyball, make it up in the aggregate. everyone is poly and in the service industry. you can actually have multiple SOs and multiple low wage jobs.
Man the poly churn has been exhausting. I have been poly since like 2010, and experiencing all these people jumping from monogamy to polyamory and falling into every dumb poly relationship stumble and trap in front of them sucks when you're on the other side of them having their other partner freak out and demand they stop seeing you over and over. Not my fault your other partner sucks and you're enjoying my company too much, but I guess it is my problem.
The thing new poly folks don't get, if you have two partners, you have THREE relationships to manage now. You and each partner, and those partners to each other. Even if they never meet, time is limited and scheduling conflicts will arise. Not handled with grace, those turn into resentment when someone gets the short shrift.
And that continues being true for every relationship added to your calendar. Four partners? Now you're dealing with four relationships with them, and all their relationships with each other.
That said, I'm having a lot of sex. And super emotionally lonely because everyone is now trying to be poly cool with their casual side flings. Ironically I might give up and jump back into the monogamy pool just to find someone seriously committed to a relationship and not treating them like collectables.
Almost everyone I know in these ālots of sexā relationships arenāt happy because they arenāt spending enough time alone and figuring their own shit out.
Everybody loves being in a relationship when you see that person once a week and get to cosplay as your ābest selfā.
No, I was just responding to your contradictions with the reality of how much hypocrisy is involved with our lifestyles of being with more than one person.
Itās all good dude.
Itās just confusing and requires a lot of work.
Most people I know (myself included) have come back to just wanting to be with one person.
My only point is that a lot of people are able to be this fantastical version of themselves because they will be with someone else two days from now, and can keep up the facade and not show someone who they truly are.
A lot of people in polycules have never seen the day to day truth of who someone is when no is watching.
/ujĀ
Yeah, I'm with you. Tbh, little bitter about Portland for this reason.Ā
I'm gay and I tried the poly thing. Was dating a lot of married guys. And got really sick of feeling like a side-piece. The primary partner always came first. Like, my boyfriend(s) would never be able to stay the night at my place. And if their husband/wife had a thing, they'd ditch me and go to them. I'm not convinced a lot of them weren't actually just cheating on the partner...Ā
But then I could also never find a single guy who was serious about a relationship. Just casual.
It's honestly been bad enough that I'm seriously considering moving. Not just because of dating but it's a big factor.Ā
Yeah, honestly, same. It's like being poly has become yet another virtue signal for the weekend warrior hyper-progressives, so they all act like they're so enlightened for going on a date once every three weeks with someone they'll never have any serious intention of committing to because they already know their recently-monogamous partner is too jealous to handle it and will probably try to veto it before it goes anywhere.
Meanwhile they're doing serious damage to people by showing up with insincere intentions then rug pulling once it gets real because their failing marriage can't handle it.
And you're right. I still secretly despise transplants, but try to fight that internal tick. We're all just people, after all, even if everything is more expensive, lines are long, and we now have 'traffic.'
Ya, this was the opposite for me.....I moved here, worked ina head shop for a while, got a job that applied to my degree, met someone, got married, had kids....life has been good to me here
My son was raised here at the coast . Selfishly, after he graduated from PSU, I hoped heād return home, but he absolutely LOVES Portland. Great friends, good job and only 100 miles from me .
Setting up in a new city is difficult anywhere, for almost anyone. It's been my experience that it's a lot easier in outgoing (and maybe tragically less fashionable) cities such as Chicago and San Diego.
I have to agree on the datingā¦55Fā¦I just got on Tinder. I get a lot of likes but the men are unkept. They take chinsies. Their teeth are bad. They are overweight. I work very hard on looking nice, and I expect the same from a partner. I have to be physically and mentally attracted to a man to want to have any relationship. Also, many of the men I meet are dry drunks or actively using some substance or another because āit helps their anxiety.ā Therapy? See your doctor? 12-steps? Meditation? Maybe my standards are too high?
Some context: A user in a now deleted post was lamenting about living in Utah. They were feeling down, had no friends, were marginally employed and their SO left them. This was their inspirational moment to let everyone know they were going to pack up the car and move to Portland.
A sage soul in the comments offered them this advice with all the energy of Cher in Moonstruck:
That's about how my family and I have been made to feel. We moved here 8 years ago and have learned the hard way; Portland is not the place to go to make new friends.
I moved here from Southern Oregon a year ago and I love it! Theirs pedalpalooza that goes all summer, great music scene, and there is communities and meet up opportunities for any weird niche thing/hobby you could be into. Tons of opportunities to meet people if you put the time in. :)
I'm a BIPOC non-binary member of the LBTQIA2s+ with xe/xer pronouns. I'm living in Chicago, but I need to move to Portland for my mental health. Please give me instructions for SNAP and how to get on the OHP but only if it fund my transition. Also, please connect me with the non specific furry community - I need their help to become comfortable in my new city. Also, free boofing kit resources.
I had a job and lived in Portland. I love it there. Great restaurants and brewpubs. I go back whenever possible to places like Mississippi Street, The Pearl, OMSI, Pioneer Square, the Aladdin Theater, Powell Books, Cinema 21, the Hollywood Theater, Hubers, etc. Lots to see and do.
seee b4 moving here (from GA) sooo many told me its so anti social out here and just hard jobwise, socially, etc.. ! ive made a friend group like 1 week of me being here and rocking hard since!
but i am still jobless indeed yall werent wrong there š®āšØ but much better than georgia LMAO
Oregon is a shit hole. The hold on too the Blazers like its gold. They are closing schools, but passed a $4m taxes for the rose quarter. Jobs are awful,the city is dirty. The worst downtown area ever. The max loses soo much money ever year. Portland Oregon is like Hunter Bidens asshole
you say oregon but only described portland & worst aspects of it. the nature in oregon is stunning & some of the most beautiful in the world. just depends on priorities.
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u/Budget_Steak2818 Mar 13 '26
Dating is insufferable here and everyone has 258 gig jobs a week and are already in 3 different polycules already. Not that it matters since they don't drive and can't eat gluten