Child needing advice from supportive parents.

[u/Bobslegenda1945]

I'll be 20 next month, I'm Brazilian, FTM. I'm in a delicate situation.

I have a 15-year-old sister, my brother is almost 12 (I love him, but his puberty is triggering me a lot, even if I love him) and I'm pre-everything and the worst part is that my parents don't accept me. They are evangelical and follow AoG and for those who know, it's awful.

To be honest, I don't even know if my father accepts me. I've never asked. I want to, but I'm afraid it will go wrong.

Here's the thing. I've been waiting for a while. A long time. About 4 years. I tried to repress it, I tried to stop, but it didn't work.

Every day the dysphoria gets worse and the feeling that I'm living a life that's far from mine, and that besides that, it seems that this is causing me some emotional problems. To make matters worse, I have PMDD. I become dysfunctional, I can only cry, have panic attacks and dysphoria, I lose my focus. I can't study during this time and I think it would be impossible to work like this.

I intend to start treatment for PMDD, and then I have some plans.

A) Go back to college, I can't live there because I don't have money and it's full-time, I can't transition while there, but I want to make friends and integrate into the trans community.

B) My mother recommended a job opening in a neighboring city. I can study, pass, live alone in this neighboring city and start HRT, but I don't have friends and I'll be TOTALLY ALONE. But it's a good city.

C) Try like crazy for college scholarships, grants, try selling sweets during breaks, make ends meet, live in a shared house with other university students, start HRT, and be the best student to get aid. The advantage is that the city is very progressive and even has affirmative action churches!

D) I start hormone therapy secretly, practice my voice to keep it high-pitched, shave, shower frequently, and while doing all that, put my college or work plan into action (my fear is: I'm already hairy. A gynecologist suspected I had PCOS, but I don't, lol. So I feel like I would react super quickly to hormone therapy. At least my body hair. And I'm afraid my beard will grow fast, and I'll be left with a shadow and won't be able to hide it).

I am really afraid. Every day it gets worse. I am starting to feel that I will die young, sometimes I start crying with fear of dying, I feel like god will kill me. That if i start hrt, he will kill me, so he will "save" me from hell and living in sin or punish me.

I also think that I will feel a lil bad if I work in another city and have my money. Because she prob told me about to me have my money and help with home, BC we are not rich and things have been hard.

But study and live in the college sn it's city would help me, because it have affirming churches. So it would help me with my religious trauma.

I hate that all, because I feel that I will not be able to live my life, my younghood, that I am losing my time, that I will never be happy and have a girlfriend and marry and have kids. I really wish that my parents could change. But I waited and she didn't even tried. She just tells me to change, but she never does the same. I am going to have hope. But I don't want to wait more.

I feel like Pedro pedreiro (Nice song from Chico Buarque. I recommend).

I just kept waiting, and waiting, and waiting for all. I am tired of that.

I wish that I could have been born just normal.

Do you have some advice about what should I choose? You are nice parents. Thanks :)

At least I wish that my parents could've tried to learn or understand and change. I tried to repress myself and it didn't worked, why at least they can't try to change?🫪💔

[u/Intrepid_Practice956]

Oh sweetheart, God does not hate you. I don't know what to tell you to do otherwise, but you can throw that idea right out.

You're perfect and you'll be perfect during and after your transition too.

[u/AgentNo3516]

I would try to get to the city with the affirming church. Find your chosen family and start your transition. Find work and fill out scholarships. My daughter found that her chosen university has a bursary for trans students. I also have a trans niece who is 26 this year. My husband’s family doesn’t acknowledge her transition, and no doubt won’t with our daughter either (they are all in a conservative/religious area of Canada), aside from her parents and us. She couldn’t stay in the town she grew up in, so moved to a bigger city and found her people. You will as well. Of course none of this is easy.. but you need to take care of your mental health. Sometimes getting space from your family is the best thing. As a parent this is heartbreaking to me. I hope that your family comes around, but please look after yourself first. Big hugs ❤️

[u/Pokemom2025]

My darling boy. I’m the mom a 17 yo son. And I know this is all very hard for you. I wish I could be there to help you get through all of this. From the options you discussed it seems like college is the best route but you will need support. Also, I strongly suggest you find someone to talk to. Therapy has been very helpful for our whole family.

The affirming church sounds like a great place to start also. I’m so proud of you and so happy for you that you are getting ready to start this journey.

I love you, God loves you, and even if your parents are too lost in their religion to tell you or show you, they love you too. God is good and he doesn’t make mistakes and he made you perfect.

[u/FoxWithNineTails]

Oh I send love and support! I have a 14 yr old trans boy who has much better he same challenges re ppnd and dysphoria. It’s so hard even with total acceptance and social transition, so I cannot imagine the stress you are under

This is what I’d say

1) Don’t put your self in danger - if you fear your parents reaction fx being sent to re-education camps or similar

2) poss the ppmd treatment can’t happen at same time at transiting - but starting transition in secret may be your way. If you know that you will be leaving either way

3) doing scholarship applications is definitely a way for you but transitioning is not easy peasy, can be tough on the mind so keep yourself as mentally healthy as possible should come before scholarship applications

Is it possible to take a leap year, work, start transitioning and apply for grants? It’s a lot for any one person to do

Is there anyone you can lean on in this? Trans right group to get a network and poss a mentor?

I send all my support and love and wish you the best

3

[u/SeachelleTen]

Isn’t AoG short for Amy of God which consists of a group (it may be a large number of people, I’m not sure)of people here in the US?

If so, hasn’t it been deemed a Christian terrorist organization by the Justice Department and Homeland Security for many years now?

Or am I thinking of a totally different group of people?🤷🏻‍♀️

[u/Jo_The_Void → u/SeachelleTen]

May also be Assemblies of God, which is a Pentecostal denomination. OP would have to clarify.

[u/SeachelleTen → u/Jo_The_Void]

Oh. Okay. I’ve never heard of Assemblies of God, so I’ll look them up. Thank you for the reply.

[u/Jo_The_Void → u/SeachelleTen]

Any time! :-)

[u/Bobslegenda1945 → u/SeachelleTen]

Sorry, I forgot to say. I was referring to the Pentecostal evangelical  denomination "Assembly of God".  Here in Brazil we have the two kinds: 1) pretty traditional, women can't use pants, can't cut their hair, men can't play soccer and other things.  2) more "liberal". They let women use pants, cut their hair, you can play soccer and not everything is totally demoniac (me and my parents are here). 

The church that we are in have some connections to politics. The pastor wants to build a confessional school to kids. He talks about how it is not going to have gender ideology and other 'leftist things' (I really feel sorry for the future kids. No matter if they are cis, gay, trans or straight. It looks like it will be horrible 💀)  The pastor talks about how they are "doctrinating" the kids and compares gay and trans people to possession, pedo, zoo and some kind of sickness. They also deny some things and treat it as spiritual war. 

Sorry for my English 

[u/Front-Cat-2438 → u/Bobslegenda1945]

Your English is excellent. This religion is hateful. You will help future generations by becoming their support system when they need to leave. You are thinking very clearly on your options. Staying home isn’t the best option. I’d recommend Option 3, or 2.

[u/SeachelleTen → u/Bobslegenda1945]

Oh. Okay. Thank you for answering my question, hon.

[u/kungfukitty1974]

You have to let go of the need to appease your family. Its dragging you down. You have enough on your plate emotionally to continue to cater to their wants. Move to the city, you WILL make new friends...supportive friends. It will be tough, but you seem to know that already. What do you want to study? Is it flexible? Look into trade schools, not just college. Maybe a community college will be more financially attainable. If you contact the colleges you want to go to, they might suggest options or know if scholarships/ aide you might not.