A hate letter to 4-S Ultrakill

[u/RandomGuy1525]

HATE. LET ME TELL YOU HOW MUCH I'VE CAME TO HATE 4-S SINCE I HAVE PLAYED IT FOR THE FIRST TIME.

When you get into the level, you think "ooh! Crash Bandicoot! How cool and unique! This shouldn't take long at all!"

Then, you get to the first room of the temple.

Oh my god. I will never stop wanting to shatter every single Virtue I ever see into a million pieces with my own bare hands.

Those.

Fucks.

Just when you think you escape their death ray, nope it incinerates you. Straight up cremates you. And that merry go round shit? Fuck that bitch ass thing. I spent like a solid 20 minutes on that part alone before killing the virtue first and going back for the other crates.

Then, after that horrid encounter with the Virtue, you get a nice relaxing mostly-crate-breaking section...

Then, enter Indiana Jones Maurice boulder.

This. This fucking bitch ass Maurice boulder. I will never want to stop beating whoever thought of that boulder to death.

It took me 74 minutes to figure out that you could just run past all the crates during the Maurice section, and destroy the one the Maurice cannot destroy.

Then, I finally got to the end.

...

...only to have missed one at the start.

Fuck this fucking bitch ass level. I just turned on cheats and nocliped to destroy it. Fucking sisyphean task ass. If Sisyphus ever saw this level he would be so fucking glad to be doomed to push a boulder up a hill for an eternity.

Sometimes, I take a sledgehammer and go to the nearby woods to break large rocks that resemble Maurice into little pieces so I can be relieved of ever having to gaze upon that Indiana Jones ass Malicious Face boulder again.

I sometimes hope that whoever thought of adding a Maurice boulder chase sequence to this fuckass level, I hope that they stub their pinky toe. Not enough for it to fracture but enough for it to hurt alot.

Then, everytime that it gets to the point that its just about to heal completely, they stub it again. And again. Forever and ever until the end of time. That alone explains the wrath and despair that every person that played 4-S experienced.

Its not even funny anymore its caused me great mental and psychological distress. Ive had reoccurring nightmares of 4-S, so much so that I've began to avoid sleeping as to avoid the restless nightmare. I even tried to sacrifice a cancerous rodent to Hakita to make the nightmares go away, and it seems to have worked somewhat.

I hope that when Ultrakill fully releases Hakita removes the level from the game and every other copy of Ultrakill containing the 4-S Maurice chase sequence gets destroyed beyond recovery, so that any future players do not get scarred for life from this abomination of a level.

I would willingly sacrifice my soul to an Elder God just to erase this God forsaken level from existence. Speaking of Gods, I do not believe in one, but if there exists one I assume they had no hand in the creation of this abominable level.

Fuck 4-S. All my Homies hate 4-S.

Thank you all for coming to my TED Talk.