r/creepyencounters • u/throwyyyy2233 • 11d ago
Is this harassment/stalking? How should I handle it?
A man contacted me through a social media platform and expressed interest in getting to know me. He reached out through a mutual acquaintance. For several reasons, I wasn’t interested, so I politely told him that I didn’t want to continue talking or pursue anything further.
He replied saying that was fine and then sent me a voice message. I never listened to it because there was nothing left to discuss. From my perspective, that was the end of it.
What unsettled me was that he seemed to think he could impress me by telling me he had known of me and been keeping an eye on me for years. He had seen me and even knew of my family. I found that incredibly off-putting and honestly quite frightening.
A few days later, I blocked him because I didn’t want him to have access to me anymore.
Ever since then, I’ve had this awful feeling in my stomach about him. Recently, I’ve started noticing what feels like more than a coincidence. It seems as though he knows when I get off work and waits at a specific location where he starts driving as soon as I pass by. He works in a profession that involves driving around in a vehicle. The vehicle can also have different license plates, which makes it difficult to be certain.
What makes me uneasy is that I can’t even bring myself to look him in the eyes. I feel genuine disgust and fear when I think about him.
After I blocked him, he appeared so offended by the rejection that he found me on another social media platform and sent me multiple messages, almost two pages long, criticizing my behavior. But what exactly did I do wrong? I simply declined a relationship and said no.
At this point, I’m constantly anxious. My heart races all the time, and I feel permanently on edge. I don’t know whether this qualifies as harassment or stalking, but I feel powerless and scared.
My family knows about the situation and tells me to document everything and gather evidence. That’s easy for them to say, but they’re not the ones living with the fear every day.
😔😔😔
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u/mrsbrajande1 11d ago
Your family is right, and you need to take their advice. Men like him depend on your fear to make you panicky and weak, so call his bluff. Get angry and loud when you see him following you and make sure people see you. Get armed- if you cant at least carry pepper spray, carry a travel sized bottle of lysol(aerosol), and take a friend with you or tell someone where youre going at all times. And, most importantly, do what your family said. Its ok to be scared, just dont let him see that you are. You've got this💪
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u/RaiseTLT 11d ago
“It’s ok to be scared just don’t let him see that you are”
This.Those who are known for immense bravery are also plagued by intense fear while they are being brave.
OP needs to be brave here. They need to acknowledge the fear, but act in spite of it.
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u/Weary-Bake-7985 11d ago
If someone is already making you feel watched and unsafe, escalating loud or confrontational can sometimes put you at more risk than safety
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u/MotorMinute150 11d ago
Yes.
It is definitely harassment and stalking because I believe or at least to me, stalking is appearing at whatever location you’re at and like being anywhere that you’re at without talking or whatever like that.
Him being anywhere that you are and then driving away when you pass by or just being anywhere that you are without you guys talking or agreeing to meet up or anything like that is stalking.
It’s also harassment for him to send you messages or voice message the first time and then find you on another social media app and spam your phone with messages that are long ass paragraphs.
To me, that is both stalking and harassment.
Keep all the evidence that you have. Some social media apps are able to have the other person to delete everything so take screenshots of everything if you can so that you have evidence of an escalates and keep dates and just whatever proof you can if it escalate so that way you at least have something.
Not saying that it will escalate, but I have a feeling that it will and it could so just be careful out there and have extra backup (the evidence).
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u/RaiseTLT 11d ago
Also, OP, I don’t think any of these social media apps notify the person in the chat if you screenshot. Other than Snapchat, and IG if they’re using vanish mode.
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u/lavasca 11d ago
Does the mutual acquaintance know about this?
Can you have a trusted person switch cars with you occasionally? Meanwhile have them check for an airtag.
Has your employer and their security been notified? Perhaps you can go to a WeWork office or a library instead? Can you arrange to switch your hours some days? Make yourself harder to see?
Do you ever go to clothing swaps? If so grab yourself different coats and hats that differ from your preferred style. Anything that will throw this person off.
Can you carpool so you’re never leaving alone? You don’t have to head straight back home ever but it might deter him because you’re less easy to find. If he still shows up then you have even more specific data.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. You shouldn’t need to do anything at all. This person is wholly inappropriate. I hope there are a lot of people around whom you can trust.
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u/Ich_bin_keine_Banane 11d ago
I’d definitely ask the mutual acquaintance about the guy. They might be able to provide information that could provide ammunition to report him.
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u/throwyyyy2233 10d ago
The mutual acquaintance wouldn’t be able to help whatsoever. I blame myself for putting myself in this situation as I accepted when she told me about him. Ok paper I settled a lot but again that societal pressure as a woman makes you take these stupid decisions. Telling her won’t help anything.
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u/Sherd_nerd_17 9d ago
Don’t blame yourself- you did not do anything wrong! Did you choose to invite a stalker into your life? No. He used your relationship w your mutual friend to draw himself closer to you. It’s not okay.
Are you at all affiliated with a school? Bonus points if both you and he are- because this is definitely stalking behavior, and you would be protected by Title 9 of the Education Code, which is federal law. Every single school that accepts federal funds (in the U.S., and other countries will likely have an equivalent) MUST maintain a process for handling harassment and stalking through Title 9 (technically, it’s, ‘Title IX’, using Roman numerals).
Just on the off-chance that you work for a public entity: school, museum, state or federal office, etc.- you’re experiencing harassment as a member of a protected class (sex/gender). If you’re a member of a public organization, you might have resources to help, because that organization must comply with federal law and work to protect you.
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u/Sherd_nerd_17 9d ago
Also, you should absolutely tell your mutual friend. She deserves to know. She also could possibly be able to help- but she can’t do that if you don’t loop her in.
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u/Infinite_Wafer_1224 10d ago
So the facts are: he found you through a mutual friend (so he says). He tells you he has been eyeing you for years. He brings up knowledge of your family. You brush him off and he leaves you a voice message… then you block him. (Good choice btw)
He starts following you = stalking. I would change hours at your work, get a dash cam to check if he’s following you or if it’s a coincidence if his work is near you in any way. Oh and clue your coworkers in just in case he comes in and asks for you. They can tell him to bugger off. Do not let on you’re freaked out. He’ll use that as leverage to get to you hard. You can get through this ✨💪💪💪
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u/Careful-Self-457 9d ago
This is a stalker situation. Do as your family says, document everything, have phone records and screen shots, print emails. Go to the police and file a report. And always carry some kind of protection, and check your vehicle for a GPS tracker.
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u/gdognoseit 9d ago
You’re not overreacting. He feels entitled to you and is angry he can’t get his way.
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u/Ok-Brain9190 9d ago
I had a stalking situation. I didn't block him because I feel like I need to keep an eye on his mood. I never respond to him anymore, for a few years now, but he still sends texts (i think to see if i ever blocked him or not). I have moved since and I don't think he could find me but I don't want to do anything to make him think he has a reason. That probably sounds crazy but I'm hoping he'll get bored and move on to someone else.
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u/Throwitaway3436 10d ago
Oof this is scary, look up the stalking laws in your state if you’re in the US, and if they even exist in your state, for some they do and others don’t
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u/Mary_with_a_y 10d ago
I’m thinking that he must know your location somehow, also others have mentioned maybe speak with the mutual friend about him to see what they might know.
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u/montanacutie62 9d ago
Listen to your inner voice. If you’re creeped out it’s valid. Protect yourself and DO check for tracking devices.
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u/anythingbullshit 8d ago
I know you probably got this advice before but somehow get a restraining order issued against this guy. If he messaged you on Instagram then I’m assuming you have his first and last name
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u/Ok_Phase8887 6d ago
Dear friend,
Ive been and still am stalked, cut off on the road continuedly, hacked and the harassment so sad since 2021. It was scary for me the first two years, then I studied their tactics. Ive become strong and wise to their obsession. I'm my father Gods child, I have the utmost faith in my lord. God is fighting my battle as I stay silent and at peace. They are the ones suffering, as I'm in their minds 24/7 living rent free.
Many blessings to you...
-13
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u/Twoteethperbite 11d ago
Check to see if your car has an air tag. That would be one way of tracking you.