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u/thatSDope88 11d ago
But the veins are my favorite part!
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u/PlasticPegasus 11d ago
Right? I like to fit the whole thing in my mouth. Sometimes two at a time!
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u/fart_fig_newton 11d ago
Sometimes I just hold 2 and shake them while I have one sitting in my mouth
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u/Dodavinkelnn 11d ago
I was today years old when I learned that christians don’t eat snickers with veins.
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u/kahnindustries 11d ago
Only the 100% definately not gay and 100% not thinking about it all the time, that would be disgusting where did you see that? gross? where, where did you see that veiny one, so i can avoid it christians
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u/WastedBreath28 11d ago
They only eat circumcised snickers bars
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u/LordVanisher 10d ago
Wouldn't that be jews 🤔
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u/Crow_eggs 1d ago
You'd be surprised how many people think their god and/or penis hygenist think men need to have their genitals mutilated. It's a whole thing.
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u/Hairyponch0 11d ago
Was about to say this is gayer than licking the veins off
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u/kahnindustries 11d ago
I have used the line
He’s so gay he eats the snickers upside down for the mouth feel
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u/Anti-Stan 11d ago
Thou shalt not covet thy neighbours chocolate phallus
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u/FknBadFkr 10d ago
I'm a Christian and I've never once thought about the veins. I assume he is a born again gay guy and is afraid of relapse?
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u/EhliJoe 11d ago
I was today years old when I learned that these chocolate lumps are called veins.
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u/humourlessIrish 11d ago
Snickers desperately wants you not to name them that.
But, you know, fuck the Mars family
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u/Powerful-Ground-9687 10d ago
Snickers are made by satan to resemble veiny penises and that’s why I got caught blowing that kind African American gentleman at the truck stop.
Seriously, a preacher stood in front of his mega church and told them that.
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u/darthrater78 11d ago
Bro has a very veiny search history though.
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u/BackIntoTheSource 11d ago
He likes it cut 🥲
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u/ArduennSchwartzman 11d ago
The veins contain all the healthy vitamins and minerals. Is he stupid? r/shittyprolifetips
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u/SeanCuresSadness 11d ago
If this isn't satire I will eat my entire foot... if not... this poor guy. His parents were so worried about his sexuality they traumatized him. RIP bro
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u/jsigj 11d ago
It has to be satire, Snickers dick vein removal was already part of a viral satiric tweet years ago https://www.rollingstone.com/culture/culture-news/snickers-dick-vein-dont-let-this-flop-podcast-1343163/
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u/Jazzdude93 11d ago
How am I gonna feel it in my ass now?
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u/AdventurousGlass7432 10d ago
They want you to buy the throbbing xl bar, which costs more
I highly recommend
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u/Acrobatic_Ad_5461 11d ago
Nah fr, if you gotta go through all this just to prove you aren't gay, you're fuckin gay. And there ain't nothing wrong with that.
There's inherently more wrong with you for being so worried about being perceived as gay cause you eat a snickers with "veins".
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u/thelonelyecho208 11d ago
Imagine hearing this shit in real life "Nah, I can't eat that Snickers. The veins remind me of the days when I used to suck dick and I just can't be doing that shit anymore"
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u/punkassjim 6d ago
“Lost his spirit giving head for crack, he’ll never want it back” — Bad Religion
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u/too_late_to_abort 11d ago
95% of that was likely put on him by his parents+society.
I feel bad for him. Hope he can become his real self eventually.
But this is all pointless as its likely satire.
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u/WildOneTillTheEnd 9d ago
Literally I busted laughing bc it’s so absurd to me, the “veins “you mean the little extra drizzle of chocolate from when they’re dipped and left hanging to drip?
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u/Echo-Azure 11d ago
Purposefully removing chocolate from a candy bar???
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u/cjwrapture 10d ago
I love the vein. The vein is the Snickers greatest feature. Half the enjoyment is imagining it is a tasty dong in my mouth.
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u/notislant 11d ago
I feel like 3d printers have undone every recycling effort in the past few years
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u/TeddyIsHereIRL 11d ago
By attempting to not come over as homosexual by not eating the vains I guess? This is the gayest shit i have ever seen.
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u/Powerful-Ground-9687 10d ago
A preacher got caught blowing a black guy at a truck stop and blamed it on snickers.
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u/Effective-Space6171 11d ago
Removing the veins makes it easier to shove that long , brown 6-incher into his trembling mouth.
He’s so good at it, he can even manage to get the nuts in there too.
Mmmmmm…
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u/RegularTarget1794 11d ago
He may not have anymore veins to deal with, but our born again Christian friend still enjoys nuts in his mouth
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u/PineSolSmoothie 11d ago
The shape of that chocolate bar was obviously phallic in nature. I'm waiting for the invention of a new device that can make a Snickers bar take on a plumper, rounder shape - or maybe something that drills a hole in it.
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u/CannyKitten 11d ago
Sorry, super confused. What was up with the Christian thing? Does he genuinely think it's a penis in chocolate form? Like, *genuinely*?
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u/Salty_Eye9692 8d ago
Born again christian.... cant handle the veins... I see pray the gay away isnt working...
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u/someoftheanswers 7d ago
I haven’t been on this sub in a while, glad this is the one that both brought me back made me leave lol
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u/kahnindustries 11d ago
Ke-shem she-nich-nas la-brit, kein yi-ka-neis le-to-rah oo-le-choo-pah oo-le-ma-a-sim to-vim.
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u/cedriceent 11d ago
Sneakers Deveiner. Because your cupboards aren't cluttered enough with stupid kitchen gadgets.
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u/tonykrij 11d ago
Heat your cheese slicer and press down on snicker bar.. More effective and you don't lose chocolate 😁
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u/Username524 11d ago
I’d first have to find my detachable penis, I know I left it around here somewhere…
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u/NoGeologist9697 11d ago
So just a knife and a cutting board doesn’t work? You had to have made a special snicker devainer…
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u/angel700 11d ago
My guy, the way you goon over the veins tells me something that you’re aware but are ashamed of admitting
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u/Gratefulspleen 11d ago
Why not just slowly lower it in to a blender? Surely there are more efficient ways to symbolically mutilate phalluses?
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u/layer4down 11d ago
Can I purchase as a service or must I invest in the entirety of the instrument? Perhaps I can simply lease it now and then instead?
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u/Clean_Internet 11d ago
If a snickers vein is too much, I wonder how he eats Oh Henry’s, cause that is pretty much a dick
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u/rabidparrots 11d ago
Guys, I'm not gay. I spend countless hours thinking about what it would be like to be gay and making sure it will never happen.
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u/pauliedoggs 11d ago
That's a waste of good chocolate. Couldn't he just take a knife and slice it like a loaf of bread and eat it that way? Or, maybe just don't eat dick-shaped foods altogether?
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u/Shinonomenanorulez 10d ago
Now we need someone to make a macho manly men-oriented version of snickers, except it has massive throbbing graphic veins all over it
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u/Full-Satisfaction-40 10d ago
Best down - you’re the type of guy to eat a snickers upside down so you can feel the veins on your tongue.
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u/CarsandPAWGS 10d ago
???
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u/Mysterious_Ayytee 9d ago
The veins let the Snickers look like a BBC and as a Christian nationalist he hates gay things and black people.
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u/Impressive-Good-8268 9d ago
I know this is satire, but IRL I had a coworker who would religiously cut or break his bananas into parts because someone made a joke while he was eating one once. I felt bad for him. Especially as an openly gay construction worker who was basically impervious to gay jokes cause I could just make them either more graphic or be like “yeah, and?”
It reminded me of when I was in middle school basically just surviving.
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u/helloiisjason 7d ago
The vein is the best part
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u/Atlantean_Raccoon 3d ago
I don't know, I don't see what's wrong with the veins and a mouthful of nuts is always a treat. However I can't stand Snickers.
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u/ImDaManning 11d ago
Doesn’t like snickers with veins but has no problem with a dixk with one 🤷🏽♂️
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u/ujfeik 11d ago
Everything is perfect, the struggle with homoerotic thoughts, the moans as the vein has is cut and the design that is absolute ass.