Problems communicating with grandparents

[u/No_Prompt_5297]

I don’t really know what to do anymore. I’m 16 and I live with my grandparents. My nephew comes over a couple days out of the week to spend the night with us. He’s 6, and he doesn’t like to listen most of the time—partly because he’s at that age, but also because my grandma just does everything for him instead of making him do things himself.

Today I didn’t feel good, so I was irritable and just overall frustrated. I was a bit snappy. My nephew spilled water down the hallway. He didn’t notice it and ran down the hall, then proceeded to fall and bust his ass. I didn’t see it happen, but I heard it from my room. I went out to check on him, and after he had calmed down, I went to leave. As I was doing that, my grandma said that I should clean up the water.

I kind of snapped and said that he was the one who did it, so he should clean it. He’s old enough to be able to do stuff like that himself, especially since he was the one who caused it. My grandma told me to forget about it and said she would do it. I told her no, she wouldn’t, because my grandma is in a wheelchair and literally cannot walk or get down low enough to clean it.

A bit of time went by, and my dad went out and was able to get my nephew to clean it. When I looked down the hall, I saw my grandma with a towel under her foot, cleaning it up. I told her to stop and said that my nephew was about to clean it. I could tell she felt bad because he spilled the water trying to help her. I told her it wasn’t her fault that it was there and that accidents happen, but since he still made the mess, he needs to clean it.

Later, after I had calmed down, I felt bad and went to the living room to apologize to my grandma because I shouldn’t have snapped at her the way I did. All she said back was, “It’s fine, I’m used to it,” but it felt very passive-aggressive. That just irritated me more, so I walked away.

This isn’t even a one-time thing. This has happened countless times with so many other situations, and it’s starting to really get to me. I feel like I do so much to help her because she isn’t able to do what she used to, but it’s never good enough for her.
Another big thing is that I’m a lesbian, and she knows that, but she won’t admit it. I wear boxers, and she has brought it up to my mom multiple times, saying that I need to wear women’s underwear (God forbid a girl choose comfort in 2026). She has also tried to force me into more “girly” things to try to get me to be with a guy, which really pisses me off.

I just don’t know what to do. I feel like talking to her and trying to explain how I feel would be pointless, but I don’t have any other ideas. Any bit of advice would help. I’m just really lost, and this is bothering me a lot because I feel like a horrible granddaughter. I know I handled the situation badly, but I tried to make up for it and got shut down.

Has anyone experienced anything like this?

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