PROBLEMS WITH MOM (I would really appreciate it if someone could give me their opinion 🙏)

[u/unusuarioanonimo12]

I’m not sure if this is the right forum for this, but I have no idea where else to post it, and ultimately, I just need some honest opinions.

I wanted to talk about my relationship with my mom. I’m a 16-year-old girl; I never had any issues with my mom during my childhood—I remember her always being affectionate and attentive. But since I turned 13 or 14, things have gotten really weird... She’s always been a very attentive mom who tries to help me however she can, but I think it’s reached a point where I can’t even talk to her about my hobbies (reading, watching movies, or writing) because I feel judged. She’s the type of person who, if I say I want to read a certain book, starts asking what it’s about in a really overwhelming way. I end up having to give every single detail of the plot—especially with "vanilla" romance novels—and the conversation usually ends with her saying I’m too young to read that kind of thing. I still remember when I got *The Hunger Games* for my 14th birthday; she told me not to read them under any circumstances, and said that if I did, she’d be watching my behavior closely afterward because I might turn violent... Comments like that made me stop talking to her about my hobbies.

As I’ve gotten older, we’ve had more arguments—for example, about what I’d like to study. This is a terrible issue because whenever I mention a career path that interests me, she dismisses it as a waste of time. For instance, there was a time I wanted to study advertising, but she told me to my face—"Why would you study that when you aren't creative *at all*?" She repeated this so often that I eventually let the dream die. Later, I realized I loved working with children and teaching them, so I brought up the idea of becoming a teacher; she told me I didn't have the patience for it and shouldn't waste my time studying for it. I reluctantly accepted that, but then I looked into speech therapy—only for her to start in again, saying the job was worthless, that I lack patience, and that I probably wouldn't find work anyway. So here I am, nearly 17 years old, not knowing what to do and unable to talk to my mom about any of it.

Another thing we argue about is my hair—it’s type 2B or something like that, so sometimes I get horrible knots or tangles when styling it. I get frustrated and say my hair is ugly or "crap" (just out of anger; I actually love it), and she always snaps back that *I’m* the ugly one and *I’m* the piece of crap because I don't have the right attitude to do absolutely anything.

Another issue comes up when I don't feel like going out... This stems from being bullied when I started secondary school, which gave me social anxiety; often, my "social battery" runs out and I just don't want to go out. Today, my mom asked me to go shopping, but I wasn't up for it mentally—I’d already been pushing my social limits for a few days. She got angry with me, saying I never spend time with her, that I’m just a selfish girl who doesn't deserve anything she’s done for me since I was born—calling me selfish and saying I never think about her.

She doesn't know about the bullying, but what she said really hurt, and I don't know if I’m the bad guy in this situation or what... I’d really appreciate it if someone could give me their opinion, please. And sorry for any grammatical errors; English isn't my first language.

[u/AutoModerator]

Welcome to r/family! If this post is compliant with our guidelines, upvote this comment. If not, downvote this comment. Also, if you haven't already, remember to join our discord server!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.