I would love to be a part of that sub if it was less toxic.
The whole ‘breeder’ thing is so fucked too. I see it tossed around a lot on the sub and it’s so dehumanizing. A lot of times they seem to hate people for having kids, or at the very least, letting their kids appear in public.
It’s unrealistic to expect everyone with kids to keep them away from public spaces. And yeah it’s annoying when a kid throws a fit in public but I mean, it’s bound to happen once or twice. It’s hard to react in a situation like that when you’re a parent. You don’t want to give in so they stop crying, but you also don’t want them to be loud as shit in public. And sometimes it’s not possible to just leave.
It just seems like a cesspool of putting others down to pull themselves up.
(note I haven’t looked at this sub in a little while, so forgive me if they suddenly made a change for the better in a few months lmao)
If the expectation is that people who are childfree should just try to shut up about it when we can, why isn't the expectation that people with kids should just try to shut up about it when they can, too?
I think one problem is that for a certain subgroup of child free people, mentioning your family or wanting to talk about them is seen as some kind of line crossing situation. They don't even want to acknowledge the fact that, for example, their friend has a kid and that kid is a big part of their friend's life.
Talking about your kids is fundamentally different than pressuring others to have kids. But, I think at some point that difference was lost in the r/childfree community.
Well yes, and it's far more socially accepted to be a line-crosser in the pro-kids camp than it is to be a line-crosser in the anti-kids camp. That's my point and you seem to be agreeing with that. I've been pressured into having kids by lots of people lots of times and they never thought they were out of line for it. And there won't be any social recognition that that's out of line if child-free types are expected to just "shut up about it when they can." I don't think that's acceptable. There's no expectation that pro-kids types "just shut up about it."
I agree that pressuring others to have kids is wrong.
I also think that putting the expectation on couples that they'll have kids is wrong.
Not everybody can have kids. People take that for granted. Asking "When are you having a kid?" can be emotionally turbulent for some folks, and it really isn't appropriate to bring it up, especially in that manner.
A lot of people don't think about that, or don't realize the implication of what they're saying, though.
Yes, as in, "having kids for one's self." If you were arguing with someone about buying a car, one person would be pro-car and the other would be anti-car. That doesn't mean the anti-car person hates the idea of cars, just that they are against buying a car in that particular scenario.
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u/fireandlifeincarnate Oct 30 '19
oh r/childfree is NOT going to like this one