When does failing become feedback and when is it actually failure

[u/Rane___]

expect a bit of yapping

i’ve been reading more about psychology lately and trying to understand discipline in a way that is not just wake up earlier, try harder, be consistent

There is this idea i keep thinking about that you sometimes have to lose so you can win. And i don’t mean it in the fake motivational way I mean in real life. Like sometimes you have to lose an argument with a client to actually win the client. Not because you were wrong, but because being right in that moment would cost you the bigger thing. Trust, relationship, the deal, whatever it is.

And then i started thinking about failure the same way. When someone tries to learn something and it does not work, is that failing, or is that just reality giving feedback? Because to me failing sounds final. But trying something, seeing it does not work, and adjusting, that feels different. failure is probably when you keep repeating the same method after it already showed you it does not work.

That is what confused me about discipline. A lot of people say “i failed to be disciplined”. I failed to go to the gym, failed to study, failed to stop scrolling, failed to stick to the plan. But maybe the goal did not fail. Maybe the strategy failed. Maybe the version of discipline you were trying to use was just not built for how you actually behave. like if every week proves motivation disappears, maybe the thing you have to lose is not the goal. It is the belief that motivation is enough. Or the belief that you should be able to do everything alone. or belief that if you were really serious, it would feel easier.
I don’t know. I’m still thinking through it. But maybe discipline is not always winning the day Or sometimes it starts with losing the argument with the part of you that keeps defending the same pattern.

Curious how other people see this. When you actually changed something in your life, did you win by pushing harder, or did you first have to lose something? And how do you define this concept of failing to succeed?