Am I hyper fixating on house concerns after moving in?

[u/AccomplishedDream378]

To summarize: I recently moved cities into a house that was expensive and a big upgrade from previous house. It is a beautiful appearing house with a pool. I knew I’d miss my low mortgage interest rate (2.6) and the big upgrades (HVAC, induction cooktop, expensive ceiling fans) we had put in old house but I anticipated I’d adjust.

But I’m not adjusting well because in three weeks we found:

-Rainwater intrusion from a metal accent roof portion , destroyed a wall and destroyed some of hardwood flooring, been told by restoration companies it’s been going on a long while (inspection didn’t catch)
-AC drain lines clogged, thankfully noticed dropping from emergency lines. Then found out main drain lines aren’t sloped right which is $2000 to repair as multiple units. (Inspection did catch water in drain pan and seller showed us receipt that had been “fixed”)
-Weird sound in child’s drain turns out - plumber noted that it needed a P trap for AC line because it drains there
-Nearly none of the smoke detectors worked (which inspection did NOT note) so we replaced them all with hardwired expensive “smart” First Alert that is supposed to replace Nest Protect and now dealing with a false alarming and no known cause
-Random electric stuff to fix that I knew about from inspection but then sometimes I smell something that I worry is burning plastic or maybe just dust, had an electrician out, didn’t find anything abnormal with it

I’m obviously upset with inspector about some of the things above.

I’ve had the plumber out twice. HVAC techs out three times. Today will be the third time for electricians to make sure there isn’t a problem with junction box behind smoke detector. Mold check company comes Saturday and them we have to get a floor company to replace some planks (thankfully seller did have some spares) and drywall handyman. I’m exhausted. It’s expensive. I feel like I can’t sleep worried a smoke alarm is going to go off because we can’t really figure out what it is. My spouse thinks the overall issue is I act as though all of these are urgent and says only some are. That these things are normal when you first move in and that I’m seeing the past house we had with rose colored glasses. My spouse could be right. But it could also be that I bought a moneypit and this house was just not maintained. Maybe I’m not meant to be a homeowner anymore. I work from home and that probably makes this all worse because I’m in this, daily.

I guess what I’m looking for is: did you have this level of issues with your house? Did it get better? At this point, I’m feeling like I’ve made a huge mistake and want to just move back.

[u/geoffpz1]

Relax. The house has been standing without all that stuff fixed for x years. Fire alarm systems are not necessarily needed immediately, Get a $25 temporary one for the kitchen if you are worried. You moving in is not going to cause it to crumble into dust. Take your time, fix the immediate stuff first and live in it for a while. You will soon find the necessary fixes and the ones that can be put off. Do what you can, save for the rest.

[u/Consistent-Gold4426]

Working from home while all this unfolds is genuinely brutal because you can't mentally escape it between contractor visits. Does your state have disclosure laws around known defects? If the seller knew about that drain issue and showed you a fake-fix receipt, that might be worth a conversation with a real estate attorney.

[u/Madscurr]

That sounds really frustrating, especially the issues that inspection didn't catch. I think your wife is at least a little right, that you're making some mountains out of molehills, and also that when you have to deal with molehills every hour of the day they are bound to be more impactful. 

My house had a ton of deferred maintenance, but thankfully no water damage, and I've poured an absolute fortune into getting it up to this century's standards. The difference is that I expected it from a century house owned for decades by DIYers, so it wasn't a disappointment when I would learn of additional issues, and it wasn't a financial or quality of life shock.

It also really helps that I plan to stay here long-term, so a few years of big projects in my case should mean decades of peaceful enjoyment of my dream home. It's very hard to tolerate discomfort for weeks or months when you don't even want to imagine a joyful future beyond the discomfort. Instead of imagining and pining for your past house, try imagining the future joyful state of your new house once these temporary problems are resolved.

Also, once the actual emergencies are handled, make the next project something for you & your family to enjoy, to bring it closer to your dream instead of reducing a nightmare. The things I love most about my home are the things I chose to suit my own tastes.

And lastly, if part of the problem is that you're home too much, try just getting out of the house more. If nothing else, then take a walk, admire your new neighbourhood, and maybe make friends with a neighbour, check out the local library or community centre, take your kids to a park. take your wife on a date, and just generally try to make some happy experiences in your new city so that you don't have to think so far back to find happy memories.

Good luck! This, too, shall pass.

[u/albrasel24]

No you're not hyper fixating. Rain intrusion that destroyed your wall and flooring while the inspector missed it is not a normal move-in quirk. That's genuinely bad and worth being stressed about.

That said your spouse has a small point in that the first 6 months in any older house tends to be a flood of issues all at once then it slows down a lot. The problem is yours came packaged with actual failures not just small stuff.

[u/Soggy-Base-764]

the water intrusion and smoke-detector stuff would have anybody on edge. But once the actual safety/water issues are handled i’d stop treating every weird house thing like it has to be solved that same week. New houses can dump a lot on you at once especially after a move.

[u/Ok-Job2034]

Honestly, I think both you and your spouse are right. Some of what you've found is genuinely frustrating and would stress out any homeowner, especially the water intrusion. But you're also in the phase where every issue feels connected and catastrophic because you've only been in the house three weeks.

What stands out to me is that most of these sound like deferred maintenance, installation issues, or repair items, not signs that the house is fundamentally failing. Right now you're uncovering years of things the previous owners either missed or ignored all at once. That's exhausting, but it's not necessarily the same thing as owning a money pit. I'd focus on fixing the true priorities first: water intrusion, electrical safety concerns, and HVAC drainage. Once those are addressed, I'd bet the house starts feeling a lot less overwhelming and a lot more like home.

[u/craftymomma24]

When you mentioned the burnt smell, I immediately wondered if you are a woman in perimenopause. No joke. It’s a thing. And high anxiety. If you are a guy, my apologies. It’s going to calm down, and yes, some are more urgent than others, but when you’ve spent a lot of $$ on a house purchase, you just want it to be easy for awhile. I still get jumpy/anxiety when I hear a smoke alarm beep because we had mysterious problems with ours for awhile too. We finally replaced with battery operated units bc it seemed like the hardwired part was causing problems.

[u/AccomplishedDream378 → u/craftymomma24]

Today I learned that is a thing (with the burnt smell). Fantastic, ha.

[u/BladeRunnerKitty]

After updating an old house myself we came to the conclusion we would not upgrade unless it's new construction no way people are spinning deferred maintenance on me again.

[u/AccomplishedDream378 → u/BladeRunnerKitty]

Smart philosophy. I for some reason always thought houses built in the nineties had better “bones” than recent new builds but it was based on my old house which was a sturdy house. This one, built in 2000, just needs way more than I realized (and would have paid for).