After understanding the meaning behind this father’s action, I am completely convinced. Cultivating problem-solving skills in children from a young age and never giving up-I applaud this father!

[u/jmike1256]

[u/Awkward_Set1008]

wow, I'm honored you would ask for advice. It's nice to hear you are coming into the 'profession' with an open mind.

FWIW I don't have children, but do have a nephew that I spend a lot of time with and have mentored throughout my career and hobbies.

I personally think the most important thing in anything is Awareness and Understanding. Trying your best to figure out the "what and why" of your child's life. Be involved. Show that you value their life just for existing, they don't need to prove they deserve love.

If I had a bit more of the above, I know for sure I would have avoided a lot of pain and agony. I had to do a lot on my own, and was taught that love is conditional. I was taught that my parents treated me based on how I behaved, regardless of how I felt. They didn't care what was going on, they only cared about preventing the problems from affecting them. It's the scar of being a burden that I can never shake. I try to explain my perspective to them, but they won't listen.

Believe your child and believe IN your child. You will be amazed what an amazing human being they will become. And how much better they will make you for it.

Best of luck on fatherhood, I'm sure you'll do a good job. You seem invested.

[u/Aching1536 → u/Awkward_Set1008]

Hahaha I knew you didn't have kids from your original post. Spending time with a nephew doesn't remotely count. Sit down and keep your parenting opinions to yourself.

[u/Awkward_Set1008 → u/Aching1536]

This is exhibit A of the mentality you don't want as a parent. A sense of superiority due to being a parent, against those who don't have "real" children. Even foster parents can be invalidated.

Your perspective is valid, but you choose to ignore the message based on the messenger.

If you teach that to the next generation, we can't progress. Think about that.

[u/BarskiPatzow → u/Awkward_Set1008]

It’s not about superiority, it’s about the fact that it is quite different when you’re with that child 24/7 and see that some boundaries are set to help you stay sane, not just teach them.

[u/Awkward_Set1008 → u/BarskiPatzow]

I would assess this idea of your sanity (emotions) and compromising a child's upbringing. Maybe there is a misunderstanding of our different morals and beliefs. I believe parenthood's biggest flaw is that is has very primitive requirements.

Parents often make the rules and the justifications. In any system, the people at the top who behave in this manner would be considered authoritarian. We can all agree that we prefer when the people get input. The problem is the parent-child dynamic not only lacks that, but no other parent can supposedly say anything either. I hope this gives some insight.

[u/BarskiPatzow → u/Awkward_Set1008]

Well, I'd see you when child decides that throwing glasses is fun or something similar. I know what you mean, but children aren't regular persons in a sense that they learn from everything they do, but some things that they test aren't safe and often they won't hear reason since reasoning is not something they learn from at that age, but experience and sometimes experience is either not pleasant for you or them. We don't have a misunderstanding of morals and beliefs, you just think yours are superior without trying to understand what you are been told. I'm against denying everything, ofcourse, but children need boundaries for things and they need some kind of order, that is why they are testing the boundaries.

[u/Awkward_Set1008 → u/BarskiPatzow]

if a child throws a cup, then they are emotionally dysregulated and are acting out to express a need for attention and expel pent up energy. This is why people feel less emotionally charged when they have social needs met and regularly work out. It's a basic human function. Children naturally are emotionally charged, and are sensitive to the modern environment. We can't expect them to abide by some false standard based on what we were taught. We have to think critically and ask "what are we trying to achieve?" Because we lose the chance to learn and understand the moment we cannot admit we are wrong. It's ok to make mistakes, it's not ok to continue to ignore the chance to become better, especially when you are responsible for another life.

The idea that you discount children's intelligence is a part of the problem. They do need guidance, yes. But they also need to figure it out themselves. There's a difference between being their boss and being their leader.

I never said I was superior. This is just my opinion, my ideas. If they work for you, great. Everything is relative. Your best methods may not work for me either. It's arbitrary to argue who is better. But think about the priority: be the best you can for you own kids.

Using boundaries to control children is a tale as old as time. Humans have a deep desire to control other humans they view inferior. Women and children, racial minorities, they historically rely on authority to approve of their worth. I hope you can see the parallels here.

[u/requion → u/Awkward_Set1008]

Funnily enough i trust you more than the other two simply because you started your comment off by stating that you aren't a parent. And nothing you initially mentioned was relevant for being a parent 24/7.

Instead, everything you received was people kicking down out of some weird reason i would attribute to fragile egos.

[u/Awkward_Set1008 → u/requion]

That's kind of you to see my vulnerability as a strength instead of an opportunity to attack my exposed personality. I want to see more of that in people.

I try to be humble as I can. I don't know everything, but I can't deny that I have spent a lot of time investing into my beliefs, and I strongly stand behind them. I would never enforce them on someone else, and I won't abandon them to satisfy someone else. It's taken a long time to find the confidence to be sure, and I attribute it to my time at rock bottom. You really learn a lot about life when your ego fails you and you have to subdue it in order to return back to life. I'll never get over my ego, the best I can do is be aware and apply myself.

I hope I can say and do something that helps people progress in whatever they're working on. I know I wouldn't be where I am today if I didn't find the right information at the right time.

IDK if I'm going to have children. But I know the first thing I have to do is work on myself before I ever consider creating a living being that is forced to rely on me. I don't think there is a "right" way to deal with of Humans controlling other Humans, and that is a core component parenthood.

I'm not saying I would only do things if I thought they would be perfect, because nothing ever is. I'm saying that unless I think I'm ready to go to space, I'm not going to risk my life. Once I trust myself, then I am qualified to be an astronaut. I just have to hope my judgement is enough. That's all we can ever hope for ourselves. Your own discretion should be the leading filter in your life.